Wednesday, November 26, 2008
West African music
Something happens and there is a sense of peace and joy, and glowing inside. A little smile shows up. It is lovely.
No, it doesn't make the problems go away :) sorry :) they are still there and they are still bugging. And yet, there is a sense that in essence everything is ok and will be worked out, and a sense of deep GRATITUDE and Oneness for ... whatever - being alive, being a part of the One, ... A sense of awe, of appreciation, of Being Plugged In.
For those who are dubious:
There is a sense of trust - as long as I do my part and follow the trail, I will be led to whatever I need to be led to.
if I do my part: EVERYTHING THAT IS MINE WILL COME TO ME.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Continuing to work using plain old SHIATSU. I have tried all techniques I know on this guy and plain old shiatsu works the best.... Because we move along meridians, that's my educated guess. We are following certain patterns and restoring balance in an organized way. Myofascial release in an organized way, so everything goes back into place.
Some spots on him are SO tight that I am basicaly doing NMT along a meridian... For example, heart protector in the arms - the connection between arm and shoulder is SO TIGHT, it is like a piece of cement, and I can really dig my elbow in there - yes! elbow into a yin meridian! - and keep on moving along that ropey area. Eventually it softens...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
monk seal on the beach
Then a relatively young woman (in her 30s) came out and practically sat on the seal - perhaps about 20 ft away... The seal lay there for a very short time, then started going into water. I saw a flash from the woman... Later she defended herself saying that the seal went away on its own and the flash was from a cell phone...
Gosh, yet another stupid "tourist". Tourist on Earth -
doesn't this person know that wildlife doesn't like being encroached upon and definitely does not like any techno gizmos that flash and/or make noise?
We need more Earth education, for sure. People need to learn to be stewards of the Earth and its life. It is healing for everyone. It helps provide living environment for everyone and everything.
The kids came back to check on the seal and were so disappointed that the seal was gone. Yes .... Hope the seal is safe. Often they get to the shore because sharks chase them, or the waves are too much, or....
Sunday, November 16, 2008
a study into churchianity
The religious guy who was after me was swearing to "love me more than anything" and that he "couldn't live without me." Well, after a few probing questions about Bible and Jesus and that whole deal, he bailed out in literally 1 second saying that that was more important to him than anything. Well.... so be it. It is rather interesting that for years he claims one thing is most important, and then it turns out that something else has been most important - his own ass, fearing hell and eagerly anticipating heaven.
It is amazing that someone can feel such a great love for someone/something one day and nothing the next day, isn't it? Also, that the person is "moving along just fine" after they bailed. And that the person believes that he is totally washed clean and started anew without even a trace of thinking about me, the object of previously oh so high love.
It makes you wonder what those "christians" consider to be love. It seems to be just a bunch of words without any feeling or committment.
Also, this idea that he is washed clean and is not even thinking about me. That's even more telling. Seems like christians live by the law of denial too.
Interesting, isn't it? By studying this one specimen, we are gaining a great insight into the whole group of people who call themselves "christian." These people vote, they make decisions, they own, they earn money, they raise children, .... They create a very scary, fake world that is really a hell.
And I have become an expert on possessions and addictions, seems like. I have never seen anything like this. Well of course I have - people who like to drink, junkies, womanizers/mennazers (or whatever it is called), permanently jobless living with parents, permanently parents' kids, partiers, fashion addicts, permanently traveling, etc etc. I just haven't met this particular kind of addiction before. Now I have seen it. Wow, this one is quite one of the worst, actually, because this guy actually has no heart whatsoever, just a little juke box that plays one tune he learned in church and that he keeps on parroting, while meanwhile he does whatever he wants, stepping all over others and being selfish and cruel. And he votes - for anti gay marriages, for .... This kind is really one of the worst because it holds jobs and has money and arrogantly and self centerdly votes - for cruelty, denial, segregation, etc etc and all under the pretense of being "good."
I guess that the main thing for a churchian to see is that churchianity puts us to sleep. Probably that is the most difficult part to see, because it shatters some rosey glasses illusions that 'christians' like to have about themselves - how "good" they are.
Nobody can be 'good' until they Work on themselves to have enough cosciousness to actually be able to do the right thing - sometimes. It's a lot harder than it seems.
Now, looking back, at some point I also believed I was "good." That was a very very long time ago ... before I learned to observe myself. We are not good at all. We are a bag of negative emotions and bad habits that is covering up what is truly good. To dig up the gold under the mud, takes a lot of work - it is like diamonds, they are burried deep deep deep.
And then I was basically some kind of new-agian :) Until I started searching for something more Real and by pure chance ran into Gourdjieff work. I didn't trust G work one bit, it was all new, but the G leader had "something-mischivious-around-his-nose" that only Those Who Know have, so I stuck around and asked zillions of questions and drilled and grilled the G leader, who patiently answered all my inquiries and challenges. And I was better from all that and finally made a decision to adopt G work into my life. And after only about 6 years, I am definitely better because of it, a completely different person. A lot more mature and happy.
The same with Paramahansa Yogananda - I really liked him but sat on the fence about adopting him as my guru. Until I had some major life changes to do, and he led me through all of it, and then I begun to trust him. My life has been so much better because of him.
And then we have our fundamentalist churchian example: he becomes Born Again when he is 20, his life becomes much better compared to what it was (because he was just doing street brawls up until then), he joins in and starts practicing, then he goes insane for about 3 years because he tries to sleep with his girlfriend unmarried and that's NO according to church - you go to hell for that! etc etc - so he marries, etc and he lives this "prim and proper" church life and his life takes a dive down for THIRTY YEARS. When I found him, he was bitterly divorced, hasn't been talking to his own children for at least 10 years, was doing some criminal stuff that should have gotten him into jail, lived as a hermit, all unkempt, and was basically violently insane. A very immature, selfish, low consciousness, crazy person. I nursed him back to health as a friend for some long time, and he got better - and yet - he still chose his church stuff.
I understand why someone would practice something that benefits them. But to practice something that clearly drags you down and kills you, that is a mystery. The church must be very very good at brainwashing and manipulation to be creating such zombies. While he is getting more and more dead inside, he is still happy because he believes he is going to heaven for sure, and that he is avoiding hell, which he is very very afraid off.
It's like a man who is so afraid of jumping into the cliff and so happy that one day someone will come to bring him the rope to take him accross, that he is not even noticing that a lion is eating him alive on the edge of that cliff while he is waiting.
He is under some kind of spell. Someone gave him drugs and he took it. He is in a dreamlike state, he cannot see anything except pictures in his own head, and he just smiles to something imaginary that only he can see.
local customers in Hawaii are bad
Last night (Saturday) I got a phone call at 9:15pm. A local guy named Puno from Hauula found my number in the paper and called me to get a massage appointment, because his lower back was hurting. I asked him why he didn't call earlier in the day? It turns out he was in a car accident 3 days ago. He was from a town 45 mins away. He was willing to come in at 10pm and pay for a hotel overnight. Then he asked me if I would drive out there, he'd set up a tent for me. I said no way, but come tomorrow early, like ... 7am. He said ok.
On Sunday morning, I get a phone call at 6:15am, this guy is about 20 mins from my home and is coming. The strange thing is that he was 20 mins away from my home BUT IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION than his town - he said he was "visiting some relatives". Strange. Anyways, I say, ok, you can come, just call me just before you come so that I know (earlier than 7am requires being prepared! in my case).
He never showed up. I called him at 7:15am to see where he was and he said that he was "running a little late." After that, he didn't even answer his phone anymore.
This is the third local customer who does this. They are weird.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
my mom on Hell and Cealo on enlightment
My mom's comments:
don't worry about hell, honey, even Hell has been modernized. They quit heating with cauldrons with hot oil, not it's all central heating.
And please tell your darling: either we go to Heaven or to Hell, but we go together. It's not possible that you go to Heaven and I go to Hell.
So, indeed it is not possible. I had to ditch that bastard strutting his "christianity" and let him continue living in his own hell of trying to pretend going to some fake heaven. His arrogance towards others, attachment to feeling superior, self aggrandization in feeling "special", laziness in totally not trying to live his life NOW in an exemplary way, and this attachment to anticipating pleasure of Heaven and genuine fear for his ass about ending up in Hell and trying to act like a good boy on the surface - at others' people expense - all that was clearly just immaturity and selfishness, crazy garbage to be dropped asap. The guy was totally incapable of love, of opening, of truly feeling, of being honest, of being himself, of accepting others and appreciating EVERYTHING as an expression of God. Only his special clique was to be appreciated - and of course he couldn't even do that. To truly appreciate, one has to be sufficiently open and capable of feeling love, and this guy couldn't - he couldn't give any attention to anything, he coulnd't even pet my cat. That's what "christianity" is today - churchianity, creating zombies with brainwashed minds and as far from real Jesus and real Christianity as possible. It is 100% diametrically opposite of what real Christianity is.
My friend said with a very very sorry tone, looking at me with a note of pity: how did you do that, didn't you know? THose christians are so afraid of going to hell...
No I didn't know, I have never met a brainwashed being like that. Now I know. I should have trusted my instincts. There was something scary and evil oozing out of this guy, and that's exactly that - carrying mental knives on All Life, dividing Oneness into "my club" and "not my club" and trying to save his ass at all costs. It just made me feel queezy, it was just such an off tone.... Now I know why.
My mom scolded me for not giving up earlier. Sometimes it takes us a while to get wise... There is that song: the son of the preacher man. Those fake christians can talk sweetly and are very very deceiving, actually, I fell pray to that ass kissing and tried to talk about possibly getting together for two months. Finally it dawned on me that it is all in vein, the guy just cannot love and does not love me, not matter what he SAYS, because he ain't DOING what he is saying. Because his whole world view is based on something that keeps him closed off and insane. He simply cannot and never will love, period. Once that illusion of hoping to expreience love was shattered, it was very easy to quietly just drop him.
This is what Cealo said about it - he said it much better than I did - although I have no clue how I know this, I just KNOW:
Subject: November Fullmoon Message from His Holiness Gayuna Sundima Cealo
Date: Nov 12, 2008 3:19 PM
Being connected to each other…
Understanding each other…
Sharing dreams together…
Taking one's own right and true path…
Anyway, everyone has one's own way.
There are so many entrances to go in.
Comparison makes the state uncertain.
Each one has one's own pace.
It is alright, isn't it?
Sooner or later, we all reach to the same destination.
Just keep moving on your path and growing your self
as well as you can, smile at the different ones
when you see them at the peak.
Friday, November 14, 2008
the healing effect of music
Just came back from the concert by Salaam Ensamble, several middle-eastern musicians of very high caliber. Wow! It was amazing. It touches something inside.
And yet, the whole experience is not even close to one sitting in a meditation group. I noticed on my way back - I have already forgotten the concert and was pretty much back in the old rut. But after a meditation meeting - no. Something else happens and I am quiet.
Poem by Rumi:
What is it to be done, O Moslems? For I do not recognize myself.
I am neither Christian, nor Jew, nor Gabr, nor Moslem.
I am not of the East, nor of the West, nor of the land, nor of the sea;
I am not of Nature's element, nor of the circling heavens.
I am not of earth, nor of water, nor of air, nor of fire;
I am not of the empyrean, nor of the dust, nor of existence, nor of entity.
I am not of this world, nor of the next, nor of Paradise, nor of Hell;
I am not of Adam, nor of Eve, nor of Eden and Rizwan.
My Place is the placeless, my trace is the Traceless;
It is neither body nor soul, for I belong to the soul of the Beloved.
I have put duality away, I have seen that the worlds are one;
One I seek, One I know, One I see, One I call.
He is the first, He is the last, He is the outward, He is the inward;
I know none other except "Y Hi" and "Yan Man Hu"
I am intoxicated with Lover's cup, the two worlds have passed out of my ken;
I have no business save Carouse and reverly.
If once in my life I spent a moment without thee,
From that time and from that hour I repent my life.
If once in this world I win a moment with thee,
I will trample on both worlds, I will dance in triumph forever.
O Shams Tabrizi, I am so drunken in this world,
That except of drunkeness and reverly I have no tale to tell.
==== this is actually sung in Persian. Salam Ensamble has recordings of this kind of stuff....
Thursday, November 13, 2008
He complains about pain in his head/neck. The pain pattern follows ... gall bladder meridian.
I have worked on that area using NMT, etc. and it does provide some relief but not enough. I tried Eric Dalton's shoulder protocol and it made the shoulder pop more.
So tonight we worked strictly on gall bladder meridian, from the head to the toes. It goes along the side of the body. I used shiatsu and also some rolfing along the tight neck muscles. The guy was very very quiet... said that he felt like "something was ungluing" in his neck. Eventually fell asleep.
Voila! the guy is much better. His legs and feet relaxed and his shoulders followed.
And me - I am better too! Working with the energy is energizing. I feel perky and totally refreshed.
When I do just NMT or other western techniques, I feel tired. Somehow, those techniques are not balanced. They work, but are somehow not enough.
Right now, I feel happy, balanced, and glowing myself.
Monday, November 10, 2008
importance of good food, water and love, in that order
The trick was some very good food (and quite a bit of it) - she goes to my neighbor for an early breakfast, then comes to me for a brunch, then lunch, then dinner, then a late snack. She also goes to him as much as she can - but he gives her just one little scoop. I give her a handfull. Seems like Friskies did it, when my neighbor discovered Friskies then her coat got better.
Seems like I am the only one to give her water, she drinks a lot.
And of course, all the little snacks in between - yesterday my front door was full of bird feathers. Ocasionally there is a gift of a mouse or a small rat.
And, this cat is majorly loved. She doesn't let anyone pet her. But - how can I refrain from petting such a nice fluffy purr? Now I have no qualms about it, I just grab her and pet her. Since she has been abused as a kitten, her learned behavior is to run! So it is quite funny, because her innate instict is to PURR and enjoy me petting her, and then she remembers that she is not supposed to enjoy it, and then she purrs and tries to escape - at the same time :)
But all that good food and all that love is doing something, the cat literally doubled in size and her coat is amazingly beautiful.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
What it feels like is me being connected to something inside me that Knows.
So then I never leave that Something Higher, I am always paying attention to it, listening, being connected, being in touch.
It is like .... going on a date, or having a child. It is an accute sense of being WITH someone and ***paying attention to them***. That someone feels like Me, just much more sensitive and much wiser. Or whatever it is - expressing through me.
What I have discovered is that most "ordinary" emotions just do not exist in this state. I cannot feel sad or angry or bitching or whatever. I just AM. Peaceful and content, quietly happy. As soon as I put my attention on myself, then I become very clear, content, satisfied, and peaceful. No matter what is happening! Even if it is something "bad" somehow my REACTION is still peaceful and I am clear, NOT INVESTED.
I observed that those "regular" negative emotions come when I am pulled away from Myself, when my attention goes away from me and totally focuses on something external.
Then I lose this sense of presence and then there is no more "me", I simply cease to exist, being devoured and lost in the chasm of sending all my life force to someone or something else.
Labels: being present
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Applied spirituality: relationships
So, relationship work applies to anyone, single or not. We all relate to other humans, animals, plants, organizations, etc. If we happen to have significant other(s), then the relationship Work is intensified. That's called marriage yoga :)
He said that the Work for anyone is to get the answers from within. This is totally cognizant with any real tradition - everyone says: prove it for yourself. Try it for yourself.
When people are weak, they seek answers from outside, e.g. from church, other people, etc.
To get the answers from within, one needs to really develop attention so that one can hear that Inner Vision. For that, one needs to RESPECT the inner "advisor" in my case, inner _____ (fill in the blank with your name) who always knows and always tells me the right thing to do.
So far I haven't trusted that because I never spent the time to get to know this inner advisor. We are all raised in a very shabby way. Very seldom do we learn about listening to this inner voice.
If I sit and meditate every day, I will learn to trust that voice more.
So - do it! At least 15 mins in the morning, ideally 30 mins. Morning is the best, because the mind and the body are fresh.
Beautiful soothing piano music by David Hicken
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