Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Subliminal messaging

This is the letter I sent to Mozilla today:

The main screen of Mozilla has, in the right upper corner, several happy looking peace doves flying out of a gun. That is a blatant advertisement for war.

First, it is not possible to make peace using violence and guns, so the very idea of connecting peace doves and guns is faulty.

Second, this image of happy peace doves flying out of guns is a plain advertisement for war. So far, this "peace making war" has cost American citizens 11 trillion dollars of their own money, taxpayer money, plus a lot more in lost business here in the USA, the whole economy has been brought down. Some people profited by supplying the troops and whatever else can be profited from war.

It would be better to take off that image asap, because it is obviously out of times already. Have you noticed how little yellow stickers on cars supporting the troops are already gone? Scarcely anyone has them anymore. At first almost every car had them - until the 11 trillion bill plus broken economy has completely wiped out any enthusiasm for war.


Tuesday, December 23, 2008

advice from Yogananda

I talked with a nun from Self Realization Fellowship, Yogananda's people, and I described this churchian case. She very correctly diagnosed it.

She said: avoid any contact with this person. Any contact with him just increases the hurt feelings.

And that's exactly how it is. Any contact with him does increase the hurt feelings. Because he is roothless, cruel, and arrongantly selfish.

This good christian is a nazi, really. To believe that people are going to hell because they are not born again christians is very very fashist. Even the logical mind of an adult should detect that something is very wrong with that. It just sounds contrary to any common sense.


Study of churchianity addiction

After thinking and styduing the phenomena of churchianity and the addiction it makes, it is very clear it is completely suitable and populated by very immature people - immature spiritual beliefs and immature in "regular" life.

Churchians interpret everything as rules, and rules in the physical. If the Bible says "Jesus" then it is the actual person Jesus. It is not the Christ Consciousness. God smacks you if you disobey the rules, and rewards you if you are a good boy/girl. And the beliefs about "christians" being the only ones that are "saved" are plain fashist.

And it doesn't really matter what you do with OTHER PEOPLE. What other people think does not matter because it is just other people, not God. So if you treat others badly, then - well - too bad. If it is something really really bad, then say a prayer, ask for forgiveness from God, and MOVE ON. No questions asked.

And, it is not ok to be happy. Christians have to suffer. It is required to ponder how God is coming to get you and smack your ass.


What does all this look like in a person's life? Let me give you an example of how "loving good christians" actually live. There are a lot worse examples than this one, since loving good christians go to war, kill others, had slaves, etc. all in the name of christian love.
The following example shows what it looks like in "regular" peaceful life.

So this devout good christian tells me he loves me so much he cannot live without me. His behavior doesn't really show it, though - he is incapable of relating, giving attention to me or listening or being present even for a short time; the only thing he can do is be in total control and he bails every time you ask him difficult questions. In short: a spoiled, selfish brat.

And a party pooper - cannot be happy for any amount of time. We'd go walk on the beach, and he'd be all worried about God and what wrong he did and totally incapable of even having a conversation with me.

So he claims he loves me and cannot live without me. Meanwhile, he is living without me quite fine. He bailed when I asked him some difficult questions about his religion, he proudly stated he is sticking to it! and I have never seen any trace of him for months. Furthermore, he turned his bail into a medal-giving occasion, since he proudly defended his faith and was feeling very good about himself. He told me that he suffered for one weekend, but asked God to take care of it, and then his life picked up and is very exciting, full of charitable projects. He is a "good influence" where he lives. Never mind that he took about 1 second to bail from the relationship that he so wanted - he was claiming he wanted to marry me. From wanting to marry me to forgetting me in 1 second is rather a stretch, isn't it? But christians can do it. They can and do deny and lie. Their church teaches them to maintain good facade at any cost, denial and lies are ok.

It turns out that he did remember me recently - for a short time, while driving at work to another site. He saw nude Jannifer Anniston on yahoo news, which got him thinking about freedom - he was schocked that little kids can see this person, how dare she be so immoral?! - and then he was thinking where he is free and where he isn't, and in all that thinking, he somehow remembered me and thought about me for a short while in the car. As soon as he got out of the car, he forgot about me.

This good christian had no qualms about telling me all this, into my face. He described all the details, and concluded that he really never put any effort to have the relationship with me. Good morning!

The next step is rather educational too. He said all this, but never appologized. Actually, he dragged me into the conversation about how can J. ANniston dare do such immoral things??? I was just appaled. I bitterly complained - wow, that's how much you took me seriously and valued me, to bail without any consideration and then to ocassionally think in the car by some random chance .... That's not love at all. And now you are busy pondering if J. Anniston is moral or not, and even have the guts to drag me into that moral dilemma of yours. YOU DO NOT VALUE ME ONE BIT.

The guy could not even appologize for saying this, not to mention actually doing it, thinking it, believing it.

HE COULD NOT APPOLOGIZE. There is no shame in him, *** whatsoever ***.
A "human being" without any shame.

Furthermore, he yelled at me, telling me to get lost and stop complaining. Yes, this good christian yelled at me, telling me I am just causing trouble and unnecessarily bugging him with stupid stuff, and he never appologized for what he did. This same person that started the J. Anniston talk with how much he loved me, and proceeded to discuss how he didn't really think about me, and ended stating that he doesn't want to do anything to do with me because it is just too much trouble.

So - this is your picture of how "good christians" work. They are the same like a drug user. They have no shame, no remorse, nothing. They are so dulled into thinking they are saved and that's it, nothing else to do. They are arrogant because they are special, they are the chosen people. THEY HAVE NO SHAME. They will ditch you as soon as their ass is on line.

So, when you see a "good christian", RUN. Run for your life. Unless you are one of them, in which case it will all be fine. Two asleep people will sack each other just like asleep people do.

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Monday, December 22, 2008

artic wolf

I am sitting on the beach, reading my book, and suddenly a HUMONGOUS white dog shows up from behind some rocks. A huge huge thing, looking like a german shephard but double in size, and with smaller, more narrow head like a fox, and with slim waist and pronounced chest like a hound.

This huge white apparition comes running to me, and as I am sitting, he is practically towering over me. I wasn't scared, there was something well behaved about him. He sniffed me from a small distance and ran away.

His owner came after and said it was an artic wolf, domesticated since puppy.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

RAR files


speaking native language as a foreign language

I've been speaking English for the last 20 years, and very little of Serbian. Now, I don't really speak English 100%, and I am not terribly fluent in Serbian either :)

My latest boyfriend was a red neck from small town Minnesota, and hanging out with him was extremely educational - brought me back to reality: I am a foreigner. And always will be. Which is ok with me. I feel at home in Hawaii. It is very diverse here and I am just one more flavor in the soup. Yummy!

htela bih da procitam Gurdjieff books na srpskom.

malo sam se dopisivala sa njihovom G leaderkom Jasnom S i malo je cudno kako se sve to kaze na srpskom - na primer, Work je Rad. I uopste kako se ona izjasnjava - srpski je nakako bodljikav.... I malo mi je cudan, jer nekako sad "vidim sta je pisac hteo da kaze" i onda je nekako sve promenjeno.

Tj ranije na srpskom mi mnoge stvari nisu bile jasne, nesto bih osetila ali nisam mogla da "nadjem" u recima sta je to. Na engleskom je mnogo jasnije. A sad i na srpskom - zato sto vise nisam totalno fluentna, tj: NISAM TOTALNO NA AUTOMATIC PILOT i moram da pazim - pa onda primetim...

nacin na koji je jasna nesto govorila srpski je bio kao da mi je govorila na nekom stranom jeziku....

Translated to English:

.. later :)

lassie is coming back home: Born Again meets Jehova's witness

I asked some difficult questions about fundamentalist christianity to my wannabe friend who belongs in that club. I just asked what kind of god is it that segregates, keeps you in check with fear, etc. He responded by scolding me for blasphemy and stopping any contact with me. Seems to me like he was feeling very proud, like old fashioned christians who were thrown to lions, like he deserved a gold medal for exemplary behavior.

Well, after about a month, I get a Xmass card from him saying what a wonderful home I have etc etc etc. He sent the card because he felt "something warm in his heart" and "he always thought Xmass was special".

In translation: life in my house is very healing, because I am dedicated to Inner Work and Healing, and it is nice to hang out around that. It is Loving, it is True, it is Real. It made my cat from a scaredy dirty mangy stray into a gorgeous tiger. I can pet that cat now, and she likes it. I just shower her with love. It is very very unlike his churchianity, in fact, totally opposite. Maybe he is beginning to realize that such nice places are actually precious and happen because of some principles that are worth investigating....

Especially after this Born Again met a Jehovas Witness. He thought that the Jehova's Witness was a moron. But their beliefs are approximately the same.... it's the same brand of fear-based churchianity.

Monday, December 8, 2008

ukulele is happy

My ears fell off with the big african drums, so I reached for something more quiet and serene in the evenings.

I've been playing the teeny weeny ukulele on the beach. Talk about bliss! Ukulele sounds just heavenly. It is a feeling of total joy. The music that comes out of it is just delightful. I am enjoying it more than ever.

I didn't touch it for more than a year, and yet - I play it better than ever. Hawaiian music is also "off" and it is very challenging to learn the right rhythm, but it is also very educational and fun. I love it. It is similar to african music and what I learned in african about rhythm is helping.

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the "christian" idea of love: if you don't do what I tell you, you are going to hell

This is how so-called "christians" handle their life:
since Jesus has paid for my sins and pitched in for my salvation, I am fine, I am on the way to salvation. My membership in Heaven is ensured. I just need to kinda follow the rules given in Bible, but of course I will be messing up. Things that I mess up routinely I will just deny and ignore so that I can continue living comfortably. As long as I pretend to be "good", I am fine. When I mess up so bad that I notice it, I just beg the Lord for forgiveness so that he doesn't smack my butt and then I move on feeling at peace. The Lord will take care of cleaning up after me.

So, this is what it looks applied to real life: a man claims that he loves me and cannot live without me. When I confront him with the above childish views, in literally 1 millisecond he bails out of any dealing with me, and leaves feeling proud that he "defended his religion." Then he says a prayer and leaves it up to the Lord. Then he has "one bad weekend" and by next Tuesday his life is "exciting" and "full of projects". He is very proud that he is a "positive influence, bettering people's lives", and he even goes to the extent of organizing a healing center where I can work, he "envisions me working there" so he will "prove to me how worthy he is."

This is all coockoo, isn't it? But this is a "christian" in action - focused on the externals, never internal; never looking in, never in the NOW. Always afraid and worried about if they are going to hell or not. Always messing up and feeling guilty, never fixing anything but instead trying to externally do "good deeds." Well - how can anyone do good deeds if they are not solidly connected within? How can one tell what are good deeds and what are not? At the end, it just creates more mess.

I complained to this person that he never examined himself to see what happened and what role he played in it and how he actually treats his religion - as a convenient excuse allowing him to always do as he pleases. He actually saw it, maybe in the first time in his life, how he just brushes everything off and moves on WITHOUT ANY ACCOUNTABILITY. Thus he keeps on repeating the same stuff over and over and then wonders 30 yrs later how come he never changed and how come his life is not what he thought it should have been.

No accountability is the lure of the churchianism. It is the teaching based on fear - **** if you don't do what I tell you, you are going to hell. **** The threat is highly unverifiable, very ambiguous and very spookey. It is the boogeyman threat. Then there is the promise of something good that again comes later and is unverifiable - the Heaven.

Meanwhile, the only thing you need to do in order to assure membership in this elitist club is to just PRETEND that you are following the rules and being "good." There are no instructions as to how to reconcile the reality how we ARE and the unreasonably high demands of how we SHOULD be. So "christians" just plain ignore it and deny it. It is typical to go on doing charitable works, meanwhile killing each other, having terrible relationships, fallen families, destroying Nature, and so on.

Like this particular person, who didn't speak with his own kids out of bitterness, for MORE THAN 10 YEARS. He was never bothered about it until we met. I was appaled and kicked his butt to approach his kids, now adults, and try to establish communication. There was this person who was so in love with me! but couldn't speak with his own children?? Something was fishy about his idea of "love," wasn't it.

So, for more than 10 years, this person is plainly violating any "christian laws and principles" but he is attending church, praying every day, and he FEELS THAT HE HAS A DEEP AND GENUINE CONNECTION WITH "THE LORD".

My question is: WHAT KIND OF GOD IS THAT? A god that allows major abuse for 10 years but doesn't allow the person to look at his religion even for a millisecond is a rather false god, with small g. It is definitely not THE God, the One, the Allmightty, His Endlessness, The Absolute, The Great Creator, The Great Mystery, the All And Everything. The One that everything is made out of. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE BUT GOD.

That God weeps every time we are unkind and lose an opportinity to love and show our love. That God loves us truly and requires certain discipline, so that we can behave in accordance with our Instructions. IT TAKES EFFORT TO REALLY LOVE. It takes personal work, accountability, self responsibility. In short, Inner Work. Which requires regular meditation and prayer, some good guide(s) and a clear set of instructions as to how to approach it. Not a trivial task.

Churchianity just stops any of that. Because people are not given any tools as to how to really approach life, but are held up to some really high standards and threatened with fear and guilt, churchianity stuns anything higher that might be in us. It keeps a person very small, weak, and immature. It keeps a person stuck in fear and irresponsibility. That serves evil, doesn't it.


There are other ways to achieve the same thing - they are all called addictions. For example, another person I know goes out partying and has fun, and then has different lovers every several months. How is that different than churchianity? It's not, it is the SAME thing - living an asleep life and trying to make it as comfortable as possible by avoiding any Inner Work whatsoever.

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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

West African party!

Come and dance your heart out! Very healing, very workout, and very fun.

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