Sunday, April 5, 2009

God knows it all

I was feeling ravengeful and angry at someone who was doing something stupid towards me. Objectively speaking, the person was mistreating me. However: I was acting stupidly too, participating in this sick game, by getting all upset about their misconduct. I caught myself sniveling and bitching about "how could they possibly do that!!!". And did you notice - the more upset you get, the more you are likely to be poked? Some people feed on irritating others. Since my reaction provided that type of sick entertainment that made them feel important, yes, of course, they kept on poking me more, to see me wiggle. I didn't find it amusing at all! And I wanted to stop playing the game on my side. I was getting angry, I was getting cunning, I was getting proud, I was getting defensive. But of course, it never worked. I only felt worse.

Then I realized: God knows it all. God knows the path for this person and the path for me. I don't have to get all riled up because God will take care of whatever needs to happen. It is His job. Not mine.

God takes care of the whole world, so This Great Mystery will take care of every little detail, to the perfection. So why worry? I just need to keep on going about my business to the best of my ability, making sure that my duties are fulfilled. That's *all that is my job.

As soon as I thought that: I just let God take care of this, and I trust that God has the path for this person and the path for me, and each person will be led to the best possible outcome for them; I wish the best to this person on their blessed way, and I merrily go on my blessed way -

pooof! the whole thing was gone. All of the sudden, there was no more issue.

Seems like this was accidental discovery of forgiveness? :) This, in essence, is the Hawai'ian hoo'pono'pono forgiveness and mediation ceremony. Look it up. I have done hoo'pono'pono before, but in my head :) Finally, after many many repetitions, seems like a little bit sunk it a little deeper.

Why did it sunk in? Because I had some problems that I needed resolved, so I was willing to Work on myself AND without sniveling. I stopped saying "I DONA WANNA!!!" to God and I said "YES."

Also, why was I more willing to say "yes"? Because I got "toys" from God so I was more cooperative. I had something. Like kids on the playground - when you think you got nothing, when your mommy doesn't love you and the teddy bear is missing, then everything bothers you and you just sulk. When you are sure that your mommy loves you and your teddy is still there, then you become sweet and cooperative.

I feel like that - like some kid that God bribes by ocassionally reminding me that He, my Mother Father God, does love me, and that I still have the teddy bear. My teddy bear is healing work, that's what I love to do. One of my mentors was telling me that it is global crisis now so completely let go of any hopes of doing healing work professionally. My response: I am doing it anyways! What do you know about God's plans for me?

This week it was the Haleiwa farmer's market. I had lots of customers and had a great time. What made me happy is giving - giving of my gift, of my love, of my attention, and helping people feel better. The theme was "neck". Hanging out, doing orthopedic massage, out in fresh air, with so many interesting people ( mostly women), and ALL of them with the SAME really tight spot in the neck... And precisely the spot that I worked on myself, so I knew exactly how it felt and how to fix it. So I could help them.

I need to study more, to be able to help more, that's my conclusion.

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