Thursday, June 4, 2009
How to find a mate
I actually did what Dr. Todd said to me, a long time ago, and twice.
The first time I was just freshly divorced, and I went to Xmass party at work and saw my coleague with his beautiful wife and two beautiful children. I went home and cried on my bed: how come I cannot have that? So I said what kind of guy I wanted. And the image popped into my head of a man similar to what I asked for. It was a very very vivid image. It wasn't exactly what I asked for, but similar, and I said to God in surprise: ok, if that's what it is, I accept it.
Several months later, I went to my Native American classes, and across the entire gym, a man looked at me and came over to shake my hand. He looked *** exactly *** like the image I saw. He even wore the same clothes. He said: "I dont' think I know you, but you look familiar." I said: "well, don't take me wrong, but I was meditating on a mate for me and someone who looks like you showed up." I looked at him more carefully and said: "But it was not you. He had different eyes and smile." He said: "what a strange way to look for a boyfriend!" And I thought to myself, very smitten and surprised: "what other way there is???" I am a little different :) Obviously :)
ANyways, this man pondered for a few seconds, and then he said: "Well, it is not me, I am married. But I feel there is someone for you." So we said good bye and never talked again. I watched him from aside and it was very reassuring - he was a sociable introvert like me and it was so good to know there were men of my kind. My old husband was so not for me, he was such an extrovert and a noisy boisterous cocky person trying to impress and outdo everyone esp if they were important, we drove each other bananas with our differences. This man was quiet. He socialized in a deep way with everyone equally. I liked how he carried himself.
My next boyfriend did look like the man from the meditation. He was a very old friend that I met sometimes in classes. I saw him few months after the meditation and I remember looking at him from across the room in pain, thinking that he looks like it but is too cold to be it. Several months later, we met through several classes and he was a little thawed :) and we did date for a while. It was very beautiful and the first time ever I was truly in love, unconditionally and deeply, on all level. We jibed on so many levels and it was so nice to talk and to hang out together. I remember standing next to him at the airport and feeling the little current going through my entire body. It didn't work out. He didn't have a job and wanted to just live with me. That is not a man, but a parasite.
Then I went to Emanuel workshop, about 2002 again, just before taking that epic journey to Hawaii. One lady asked how to get herself a mate, and Emanuel told her to go home and write out everything she wanted. Well, I went home and *I wrote out what *I wanted :) It was a long and very nice list, I still have it in my journal scrapbook. I could feel this man literally materialize next to me, he was rather surprised to find himself there. Seems like my request kinda summoned him like Dorothy was taken by a tornado and plopped in a foreign land. He knew everything I wrote asking about him. There was some things he didn't like that I asked, and he protested and I crossed it out, he was actually right. I read the list aloud the next day in class, and everyone applauded and laughed with enthusiasm and said they wanted a guy exactly like that! It was hilarious. My guy was very popular :)
Pat who channels Emanuel was amused too, and said that they all needed to be invited to the wedding. I said sure. Then she paused and asked Emanuel when will this guy show up in person. Emanuel said: when Milica loves herself.
Apparently I still don't love myself, because nobody showed up. A Born Ignorant "christian" showed up but that is sooooooooooooo off anything real, it doesn't even count. I have no clue who my guy is. Sometimes I wonder if this guy actually looks like the man from the meditation, or I already met the messenger who looks like the man from mediation. I have no clue what this guy looks like. I know what he feels like and I guess will have to recognize him when he shows up. He will recognize me too. He will remember plopping next to me and the conversation we had. I have no clue how this will happen, but I am sure it will happen, because that is the Will of God. I am supposed to be married and live happily ever after.
My mother knows me well and she says that this man must be a very good man and a very strong man. Because I am rowdy and domineering and it is hard to keep me under control. I will respect only a man of integrity and good character. And only if I truly respect him, as equal, I will honor him and work with him no matter what. That's a tall order, isn't it. But one man, somewhere out there, wants this kind of energy and perpetual Inner Work for his partner.
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