Wednesday, June 3, 2009
how to raise children? letter to A
From A to Milica:
>Thanks for this great email again! What an incredible person you are and
>sharing your struggles as well is so crucial.
>I agree with your mentor. He sounds really helpful. One of the acupuncturists
>here suggested a similar thing to me. He told me that I need to do more
>gardening rather than writing. He made a distinction between abstraction and
>You sound really a very excited aunt and it is fantastic! I am going to ask you
>for suggestions also about doing that with my kids. As we are
>speaking about kids I am thinking about my kid and would like to figure out a
>way of attending to his deeper needs and/or helping him learn to do so.
>Sometimes, I think he is divided between being mad and upset and others
>extremely sensitive and attentive to what we talk about. I think he is always
>listening and remembers a lot but I want to figure out a way of dealing with
>what you talk about in your email. The emotions--and even figuring out ways of
>channeling them better as he is really intune with many different kinds of
>emotions. I was thinking of getting him into yoga--what do you think?
>Thanks also for the email about my father-in-law. You are right on about the
>support and taking care of my kids and supporting my husband.
>Thank you Milica mou (my in an affectionate way in Greek) for being you!
>Lots of love,
Thanks for the feedback. I am not all that nice and great :) I just got off the phone with another mentor of mine and he yelled at me for being angry, tense, being competitive and jelous with another coworker and having animosity towards him, etc etc etc. The fact that he flirts and just rubs women is ok - he is serving their need and hasn't done anything wrong. In my eyes, it is majorly self prostitution. But I shouldn't be angry or competitive about it. It is how it is - so if I want to work there, I should expect that. Or leave.
About your kid (and maybe yourself):
This is a difficult question, because the answer is very complicated and requires a lot of Work on your and his part. Yoga is a good start. However, yoga can be just mechanical body stretches. What is needed is a lot deeper and more Inner Work. Meditation is the key to that.
Just sitting time is a good start.
Some kind of spiritual practice is what is asked for.
Well, organized religion is not all that helpful and can be quite detrimental.
However, we do need something spiritual and soemthing High and DEep to contemplate.
I like Paramahansa Yogananda, although he too can get off tangent and be really too... provincial about things, like the role of women etc. But in general he is a good guy and has a good book, The Spiritual Art of CHild Rearing, or something like that. http://srf-yogananda.org
Gurdjieff Work in groups is helpful to me, I go once a week and I sit every day. They are like stripped down version of tibetan buddhism: how to be just quietly and neutrally observing everything. They have groups in every big town, Gurdjieff International Foundation.
http://www.gurdjieff.org/ to see what he wrote,
http://www.gurdjieff.org/foundation.htm to see groups.
However, they are not into God, and I am. Imo they try to avoid the touchy subject because it is so confusing to so many people and they want people to get a solid spiritual foundation on their own.
However God is a crucial subject because there is nothing else but God. That's why Yogananda is so helpful. He really has good techniques to get in there and Connect.
********So, it really depends what you want to do.****************
For just plain awareness sitting, a home nature study class is great, http://natureoutlet.com Kamana I class. I think it is like 20$. Just sit quietly somewhere in Nature, trying to sense with "owl eyes, deer ears, wolf nose, raccoon touch". This builds external awareness, which is the first step to having awareness.
The next step is to build internal awareness.
For that, yoga is a good start: feel your body as it stretches, as you breathe, etc.
But then more is needed: be aware of your thoughts, emotions, etc.
THAT is a lifelong spiritual practice and ultimately leads to enlightment. Gurdjieff is very good for this.
So, yoga can be a very good start. It makes one feel one's body as well as pay attention to the outside (teacher talking, etc.). The trick is to be aware of the inside and outside at the same time. Eventually, we can be more aware of our own self inside.
The next step is to be aware of God.
Yogananda goes way beyond the inner/outer awareness and into awareness of God. He does it by turning off the senses of the body and just plunging into God. The body is actually a doorway, the path to God is through the 3rd eye area above the eyes. His recepie is: turn off the external senses, focus on the 3rd eye, and go. But there is a lot more than this, because to get to that point is rather a lot of work :) It is not enough just to look there for a second :)
But Yogananda has other much easier recepies: how to talk with God at any time, how to calm and center, etc. he has camps for kids. Perhaps you can subscribe to his magazine and see if you like that. The link is at http://srf-yogananda.org.
Labels: raise children
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