Sunday, July 12, 2009
Attention getting: continuing....
On Saturday, I wasn't feeling like going to town. There was that sinking feeling - which is always a sign of resistance because something deeper is at work.
I went. While dancing, I realized that I was dancing with other women, yes, but actually quite by myself. I definitely ignored the drummers.
Most asleep women are dependent on male attention and try to be "nice" and get some attention. In dance, a lot of dancers show off in front of male drummers. The drummers often are into chasing the hottest chick. I must confess that I look down upon that. First, I dislike ass kissing in principle. Second, women vying for male attention is quite cheesy and humiliating, and also brings women down and allows men to pretend they rule the roost.
Attention is a resource. Some people are willing to compromise their own integrity in order to get the "resource". Some other people, like me, say to hell with your games, I am not playing with you.
The attitude I saw in me yesterday was exactly that: I do not need any men, and I don't care for them.
So, two extremes, both which boil down to the same thing - an unhealthy sense of self and others, leading to situations where everyone gets stuck and hurt. The women who like to flirt are trying to "bait" males with a little bit of female attention and sexual tease in order to get a lot more attention from males. A male on a flirt bait will be like a puppy begging for a bone and willing to do any trick to get it, i.e. he will be nice, he will be suuper nice, he will give you LOTS of attention. As long as the "promise" is there. When it is not - he is gone. Women (and men) who are very good at getting attention through flirting are masters of keeping others interested "just enough" and for a long time, dangling the carrot with just enough hopes or payoff so that it is worth still trying to put a lot of attention to get the carrot.
What I was doing is also not ok, it is like being at war and dissing others. My attitude is: who cares about you, you are worthless and I don't need you. Get out of my way.
The healthy sense of self is being comfortable, not needed anything from or against anyone, relating to others in a gender neutral way and based on spirit. Then if the hormones strike sometimes, it is ok to feel it and express it, but it is not for getting attention or for taking attention.
The drummers were putting a lot of effort to drum well yesterday and I didn't pay any attention to them, as if they weren't there, as if they were a tape player playing a tape, something which is not alive, has no feelings, does not need any attention, you just push a button and let it do its job and take it for granted.
Especially in dancing - I don't want anyone admiring my shaking booty. African dance is really not about that, however - there is always a little element of that in anything we do, esp. if we actually DO shake our booty. And, many dancers do make it into that, because they like male attention (or female, if the dancer is male).
It was a lot easier to relate to fellow drummers later in the drum circle, as a drummer. When we drum together, everything becomes gender neutral to me, the music is the only thing that matters.
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