Monday, July 6, 2009
God as matchmaker
As I am preparing to go into a Vision Quest again, the last VQ comes to mind, year 2005, where God made me look through all my relationships, and then I had to promise that I will go out and at least talk to men, and find my mate. Back then, I was about 12 yrs old, badly divorced and then freshly broken up, very hurt, and didn't talk to anything male between ages 25 and 50. Back then, I was really kicking about my new instructions and tried to get out of it, which led to many comical events. It was clearly a wickedly planned setup by Higher Forces. Even in the midst of it, it was clearly hilarious and there was nothing I could do, the events rolled in such a way that even movies seldom have such plot. Other instructions I got was "more fun and more discipline" and I was sent to play drums. Eventually I decided to be a little more compliant and reluctantly went on a date in 2007 just for the heck of it with someone I didn't even like at first but grew to appreciate a lot, which ended recently (and disastrously because as usual I was procrastinating until it was too late - just like VQ was warning me).
Right now, the instructions from the last VQ are very very clear, I am painfully aware of what they were trying to say, and I am willing to follow the instructions and find that mate that I am supposed to have. Where to look? Having landed on Earth as a complete alien, I am going over my experiences and strategizing where to look next.
I have met a lot of earthlings that totally blew my mind because they are obviously from a different planet. Someone recently asked me why I didn't "try out" dating someone else and I was so dumbfounded by a question that I didn't know what to answer.
If someone just stares at my butt at an event and then ignores me and flirts with others, if someone just hangs out but never speaks to me and talks with me, is that a sufficient clue for me to "try them out" as a date???
I don't think so. First, if the person never approached me, never courted me for real, and in particular, never asked me out - what is there to respond to? They are simply waiting for me to chase them, cater to them and be responsible for everything. No thanks. They are not risking anything of themselves and thus are not serious for sure. Also, they are likely a lazy coward. And, most importantly, they are likely estimating that they have no chance, so they won't even try. If they are estimating they have no chance, they probably have a good reason for it (e.g. I do drugs and she doesn't like that), so it *IS* better that they are not even trying.
They can be a friend if they really were interested in me as a person. But if they are not approaching me to talk with me and hang out with me, then they are not interested in me as a person, they are most likely interested just in sex. So they say: ok, let me give some weak signals, and if she is so crazy to go for it and start chasing me down, great, otherwise I am not going to work too hard on this. IF SHE FALLS INTO MY LAP, WONDERFUL, OTHERWISE I DO NOT CARE. Well, I don't care either.
Second, they don't want a relationship, they want - whatever it is, it is not a partnership based on communication, talking, spending time together, enjoying each other's company, etc. In my experience, what they want is just some sex. Very young males who are into still immature and into hormones try such approaches. My favorite is when a 25-yr old tried me on about 6 years ago, by passing close by me with his shirt off. Yes he is very good looking, muscular and nice, well respected, famous guy and I noticed a lot of younger ladies chasing him. Was I supposed to get swooned and jump on him too? I am way older and thus wiser :) I have done those things already in my wild youth and I know where it leads - nowhere. Unless a guy is there WITH me and willing to stand by me no matter what, he is a wannabe and not serious. A guy has to be MATURE enough to understand what a relationship is.
The Born Again that I dated last actually knew this. He was a mature person, also a divorced father of two grown kids, and he knew what it means to stand by a woman, and he did put effort into making it happen. That was his definite and clear plus. An adult, mature male knows what he wants and he goes for it, he makes it happen, and he stands responsible. He didn't have problems stating his feeling and intent and saying "I love you" and he enjoyed hanging out in simple or deep things, was dedicated, and was willing to talk things over. We were good friends and had great time together although it was long distance and we didn't see each other often and slept together only maybe a couple of times at the very end. (It was me, I jumped on him. If we both say "I love you" and we mean it after 2 years of spending time together, I feel entitled to jump. But Born Agains are impotent with fear of God, they are incapable of Love.) We were able to Transcend a lot of issues for both of us, which was immensely productive.
The thing he didn't understand is that a relationship is based on honesty, and he was hiding his Born Again stuff because he knew I didn't like it. It is like hiding a drug habit.
This man was already married to his Born Ignorant dogma and trying to convert me. That is dishonest and delusional, and also: no real woman wants to be second to anything but God. This man's "I love you" was very cheap and very conditional - "if you are exactly what I want from you and you do as I say, I love you, otherwise I don't."
Relationship is something that comes from God, and God wants both people to grow and that's why he puts them together. And, God is something very Large and requires stepping forth, all the time. There is no drawing back - unless you want to leave the relationship for good. There has to be forgiveness as well as discipline. A Born Again has to be willing to move on beyond his limited ideas of Universe and Open to Something Larger. Otherwise - leave. Which he finally understood and left.
The test of the relationship is when two people have to spend time together in mundane tasks beyond just having fun. Kindness, attention, forgiveness, care, all that comes out when it comes to solving problems together and then the TRUTH comes out.
"I love you" has no "but" in it. If a person is committed, they have to step forth and Work to overcome whatever it is that the relationship is showing is the area to Work on. (That's why it is important to match people properly. Most people are mismatched because they got together too quickly to jump into the sack asap without thinking of consequences. Consequences are very dear and long term - we are karmicaly connected to all who we slept with.)
Also, anything that stands in the way of personal growth and transformation is totally counter any relationship. Relationships are meant as spiritual practice where two people help each other grow. Thus, by definition, the relationship is based on Inner Work and Transformation. If that is lacking, there is no relationship. If one person is following any dogma of any kind, and is refusing to Open and Grow, then there can be no true relationship.
The dogma and being closed can come in so many ways... Guys who have chemical dependencies, guys who run around, guys who work 100hrs per week without you, guys who are insisting on "having their own space and doing their own thing" etc etc - all guys who are INTO THEMSELF and definitely not into a relationship. All those ways to push someone out of their life and to keep doing whatever they please. Trying to push it on someone else is selfish. A guy on drugs should seek only those on drugs and/or tolerant enablers. A womanizer should seek other loose and loose-tolerant people. A Born Again should seek only another similarly brainwashed person to read Bible with. And so on.
So, any "relationship" is based on the common spiritual beliefs. Two people getting together for a short sex stint are on the same level, a low level. A true relationship is based on the high standards of both parties putting effort into Inner Work and growth and demonstrating love and care to each other at each step. That requires a lot of work, committment, and self responsibility. Not everyone is willing and able to participate in something like that. It requires Feeling. It can hurt. It requires Inner Work. That definitely hurts.
Trying to mismatch people on different levels is only detrimental to both. Dating a Born Again was experience straight from hell. A religios fanatic has no shame in trying to protect his own ass from his perceived "wrath of God" and he will stab you as soon as he thinks his ensured spot in heaven is at stake. Flirting with a womanizer is extremely humiliating, nausiating, and demeaning, I did it once and it made me feel so violated and negated, it is violence in a very slimey manner. Even asking God the question: can it be that this someone who is chemically dependent is a possible candidate??? brought me nightmares. Intellectual discussions with so-called "intellectuals" are just fancy cover-ups for the same story of "I am going to do what I want."
Is it possible that all these people really do not know what they are doing? Yes, it is. We are all asleep. There are women and men who do those things because there are enough men and women who do the same things so nobody ever learns, they just keep on doing the same thing. The chemically dependent gets gifts from his girlfriends and asks them if it is smokable or drinkable. The womanizers have baits for attention getting and they make sure to put the lures out. The Born Again was a total hit in his BIBLE-STUDY GROUP FOR SINGLES. Hm, a bunch of singles coming together to study the Bible - I wonder where their attention is. What a riot of a church. (To be honest, this person at least had common sense to ask to be removed from the singles group, because he really wanted to just study.)
And so on. Those Who Are Trying To Wake up are a little more rare to find.
Where does one find Those Who Are Trying To Wake Up? Hm! Someone like that has a dedicated spiritual practice in some form, and is closely related to God. Some more likely places are some organizations, like "protecting native species" or "clean up land" or some other higher level causes like that. Meditation groups. Spiritual groups. Often, Native people with nice families. I noticed that some West African djelis are like it.
God arranges everything so this will be arranged too, just like everything else. Since there are no matchmakers these days who will bring potential husbands to me, I need to help out by putting myself up front into situations where I need to be, e.g. I need to go out and have myself accessible, and then be sensible enough to recognize The Right Guy. Hm, where.....
Friend: yeah where to meet like minded people who want a higher experience is good question. If I knew I would go there. This is a prison planet, heaven here is a state of mind.
Milica: easy! Go to Gurdjieff group meetings, Unity Church, Honolulu, Tuesdays 6:30-7:30. http://www.gurdjieff.org/
Unfortunately, there are no eligible guys for me personally there. However, that's a group of people who want a higher experience and it is IMMENSELY useful.
I would even dare say that some spiritual practice like that is a prerequisite for any relationship.
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