Friday, October 30, 2009
is it possible to have a relationship with someone from another planet?
So, here is another case. Someone who told me 7 years ago that I was ugly and too old and set in my ways, is now googling me all over, and it is rather strange. The guy was my roommate 7 years ago and the only conversations we ever had lasted a few minutes, and happened 7 years ago before he kicked me out of the house, and he kicked me because he couldn't stand me being around. I was irritating him beyond measure. During the 7 years, he kicked me out of more events and places and we have never talked at all, we didn't even say hi for years. Now we say hi but we never ever talk. This person is a night-life, party boy, he hangs around people half his age and "has fun". We have nothing in common.
Now, I am definitely 7 years older, and definitely not any younger nor prettier than 7 years ago. Maybe a little less set in my ways in some ways, but actually a lot more set in my ways in many ways. He never speaks to me nor talks with me. WHAT IS HE THINKING???
He is thinking that I shake my okole (behind, in Hawai'ian) very well, most likely. That is true, my dancing is now just fine. However - I am not my okole. I am me, the whole me.
What is he thinking, how would he "bring home" such an alien species like me? For one night it might work - is that how he is thinking? But how about tomorrow???? To bring home someone like me, you bring me home for a very long time and you are committing to Inner Work, working things out in the relationship, having a clean life, sharing the same pillow every night - no night life and going out, no flirting, no .... - in short, committment, long term. What is this guy thinking as he is googling me - he should be thinking how impossible it is and he should QUIT.
Maybe it's ok in night clubs to stare at people like that. It's NOT ok in regular day life that I lead.
It is quite amazing as to what we people think we can get. We think we can get something for nothing, or we want to grab something which is clearly completely opposite than us and would kill us. We try to grab things which are "interesting" and then we try to bring them home although it is clear they cannot live in our environment. Like, born again was thinking of being in a relationship with someone who is totally the opposite and thinks born again stuff is terrible - and even told him so. But he still tried!!! He tried his born again strategies on me - and some of it worked, like talking nice to me. This googling guy is trying strategies from his planet - googling someone accross the room. In his world, that works, and brings the psyched up woman straight into his arms for more flirting. Well, I am from another world. In my world, that kind of behavior is weird.
On some level, I understand what they are doing - they saw something nice and they are trying to catch it. However, that something is clearly not of their kind. WHy are they wasting time fantasizing about it. I think we all do - I notice in myself. I used to hope that the guy I loved would somehow magically CHANGE - the one who didn't have a job would suddenly decide to go working, born again would quit his nazism, etc. Well, you know - they NEVER change the way you want. They change in the way they are already going, they simply become more of that. So - either you like the guy as he is, right now, or you don't. Feeling the chemistry and hoping that you can pair up a cat and a dog is just impossible. But we like to fantasize and have false hopes. Humans love to fantasize. I am prone to that just like anyone else and I know what that means - I can have a thought - well, if that guy cuts his hair to normal (i.e. stops publicly advertising his "specialness", I will take him out. If born again shows up saying and demonstrating he quit, I'd take him back. If the jobless one gets a job, I'd take him back. BUT THEY NEVER DO. THE JOBLESS ONE IS STILL JOBLESS, I LOOK HIM UP IN LINKEDIN AND HE IS STILL DOING THE SAME THING, living at someone else's expense. Born again is still proudly born again, the night club dude is still at the night clubs. They are stuck in certain ways, and THEY LIKE THEIR WAYS and they are not going to change them, period.
Being old as I am, hormones are kinda secondary by this point. By now, I have made all kinds of mistakes and someone admiring my physical is definitely not even flattering. I learned the hard way. A younger inexperienced woman might fall for anyone who gives her any kind of attention. I am a lot older than that. :) Which makes me a lot harder to catch, and also a lot more valuable.
Also, at this point I am totally relaxed and I don't need to push anything anymore. Whoever loves me, will find a way to me. The first thing for a relationship is friendship, which requires talking and sharing. Someone who loves me will enjoy hanging around me and talking with me and doing things together. BTW that was the plus part of the born again - we were friends in many ways and worked through so much stuff together. It was very valuable. But - he didn't love me. This "I like your okole" guy also doesn't love me. They both love their own okole only. It takes a lot more, a real man, to love.
And, what I notice in me is a certain enjoyment of having the revenge - "aha, now you think I am great! Eat your words!" It comes up automatically in my case, I am a competitive pitta type and this is an inherent (and well practiced, for a long time) behavior that I struggle with all the time and it is hard but possible to go beyond it. A guy who told me I was ugly deserves to eat it. Born Again from that point of view deserves to be smacked right across his face and beat up. From another, much higher point of view, born again is so beyond anything reasonably human that the only thing he deserves is pitty. This googling guy is human, actually, he has kind eyes and a certain higher quality, he is just an immature human with inherent and well practiced and intentionally developed character weakness where he always goes the easy way - the club way of "fun, sex, and rock-n-roll."
Which brings us to a different subject - how men like tame, easy women - i.e. easy pray, easy to dominate. Who is going to like someone like me? sturdy, strong, opinionated, educated, etc. Only someone who is really strong will appreciate me and can handle me. I haven't met the guy yet. I need to. If you see him, send him my way. Thanks.
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