Saturday, October 24, 2009

It was my b-day this week. I won't tell you how many candles was on it :)

Today I attended a belly dance class for gypsy dances, by a "renown out of town guest" but it wasn't all that great in terms of dancing. It was good education in terms of talking about dance and artists. Oh well. Dance is such a powerful stretching/ healing tool.

Aisha of Greece, look for her on Facebook, is a superb dancer. Highly recommended. Dancing under her direction helps to reduce back pain.

Also, it is interesting what is happening to me as a "native European" as I go along with the classes in Congolese dance - I can wiggle and it feels good on my body, it is getting more limber as it is meant to be. It feels pono to reclaim my heritage.

Finally, this week, I relaxed. It finally dawned on me that I am SAFE. Remember the crazy Born Again "christian" who claimed he loved me more than anything, and then bailed out in a second and was over this great love in a weekend, proudly strutting his "christianity"?

He bailed many times. The last time before the last time he bailed, he disappeared for 7 or 8 months, and of course I thought he was gone and merrily went on with my life. Then he suddenly showed up again, without any concern for my well-being, causing so much stress for me. That's how much "christian" this person is. ANyways, now it is way more than 1 year since he disappeared and I think it is safe to assume he is gone forever.

This time, I think he is gone forever, because I made it clear that it is EITHER me OR born again "christianity" or any dogma like that. I told him he is straight from hell. Because he is. It is very discouraging and depressing and scary to have had contact with something that creepy. It makes you lose faith in humankind. The guy is a complete and total MONSTER. Something is wrong with him.

Finally it dawned on me that it has been more than a year without the creep and he is gone forever. That's good news.


I don't see any very good candidates on the horizon yet. There are many choices and there is a long line, but none of them are relationship material.
There are musicians who adore me for adoring them - that's easy, they play well! But it is a completely different story to date me. Then there is not only adoration and fun of playing music together. Then there is talking and working out through things. A guy like that doesn't even talk to me now as a friend. How would he talk later?
Or other people who think: ok, she went out with that old creepy moron Born Again Impotent, so she will go out with me too, I just need to smile and she will run into my arms, right? Wrong. I don't get it - someone who years ago told me I was old and ugly, is now all smiles towards me. I am certainly even older than then, and he never talked with me, never spent any time with me, hated being around me, always avoided me - so what is this person thinking? That magically now everythng is possible? I don't think so....
Or others...

It's kinda lonely here on the healing side. I should have worked for some special forces or something. Often people are either physical and not much thinking, or they are thinking but that's all they do. It is very rare to find someone like me, with exceptional intelligence AND also physical ability AND also spiritual inclinations. I am a "super model", I got it all. Often I wonder what I am doing with my life, since I have so many gifts, am I using them properly?


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