Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Som

Do not waste your life or your life's path.
Be aware that every single event in your life was needed.
All these events were necessary to be experienced.
You would disgrace the true meaning of your life
if you still regret or hate any of the mistakes or faults on your path.

Gayuna Sundima


I talked to one of Paramahansa Yogananda's nuns. The fact they called me to set an appointment and assigned me a specific nun to talk with me means that my case was serious :) Usually I just get to speak with the on the phone right away and it is very short.

Anyways, we spoke about many things. One thing became very obvious: that even pondering stupidities of other people is a complete and total waste of time, and my life too. It just isn't worth it.

So, yes, I can be in total amazement that Born Again 'christian' can be so stupid, but the fact is - he *is* stupid, and so be it. There is no way it is changing, and there is no point in trying to comprehend anything of his doing. It is just insane and should be left alone. I have better things to do with my life.

So, I realized that I should have not analyzed anything, and definitely should have not taken anything personally nor gotten upset about anything. He lied to me, he bailed, he was selfish, he was impotent, he was rude, he was brainwashed, he was scared. Yes. So??
Even thinking about any of that even right now, as I write, makes me feel upset and hurt. It is a complete waste of my life.

So I realized I should have prayed for his well being and let everything go, as you let go misdoings of very small children. They don't know any better.

I haven't done it before for several reasons, one because there is always a danger that he smells that the air is clear and comes back when I am all happy and willing and able to be forgiving. He did that once already. The first time he bailed for good, as soon as I was fine, he showed up unannounced and bombed into my life without a single appology, and I was stupid enough to let him back in, and completely ruin my life. I think that he won't show up anymore, because the requirement on my side is very clear this time - EITHER that born again stuff OR me.

What really got me down is chastizing myself for making that mistake and accepting to go out with someone who was clearly disrespectful and selfish. I even considered marrying him. Also, I tried sleeping with him, which in my world view is a big thing, it made us "married" in some way. How could I fall pray to a con artist? How could I have been so stupid to try to come so close to a monster? That really bothered me. Something must be wrong with me. I was very upset with myself.

Now, in retrospect - what happened, happened. It is good to see where I made mistakes and what made me go astray. And, it is very good that he bailed before any deeper committment.

Interestingly, Cealo had the same message:

Do not waste your life or your life's path.
Be aware that every single event in
your life was needed. All these events
were necessary to be experienced.
You would disgrace the true meaning of
your life if you still regret or hate
any of the mistakes or faults on your path.


Gayuna Sundima





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