Friday, March 27, 2009

Seeing the root of the problem

Talking to others sometimes is helpful and sometimes isn't. Or both. For example, after talking with Rick Jarrow, he said things that I already know, and then he gave me the comment about complaining, and he had no idea where it was coming from and where I should look. It is like someone telling you something but without any pointers. He said: the sky is blue, but he had no idea why, and no idea where to start finding the answer. He simply didn't know, he is not of that caliber.

Someone of high caliber is very helpful, to tell us what they observe.

I was thinking - me telling the Born Again "christian" that his belief system was the wrong foundation for his whole life was that kind of observation, something very useful and the root of the problem. Being able to see the root of the problem is the ability of a healer. Or anyone smart - business people see the root of the problem in business, etc.

I wish someone would tell me just like that, would point out to me the root of my problems, show me where I am a "born again christian" and completely gone off the path to God.

Seems like I don't have such resources locally, so I will have to be catching it myself. However, the problem is that we never can catch ourselves in things that are so ingrained that we don't see them anymore. We need help of someone objective, observing from the side. I do that for other people. Who will do that for me?.... hm....

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Razor's edge

I met someone of Tony Robins school recently and we had a clash, because I tend to believe in what Rick wrote above. Except that yes, illness and other trauma CAN be a sign to reform and change, and in my experience definitely are, to those people who are on a spiritual path. It is time to slow down and regroup and completely reorganize.

Anyways, Antony Robins guy was telling me I was downplaying myself. If I want a house, why don't I just follow my dream and get one? Any single one I want! I was saying - well, there are houses, maybe even one house, that is meant for me, and I need to find that one. He was saying no! I should have whatever I want. I said: but what if I want something out of my head, and not out of my heart? How can I reliably tell the difference? Also, why should I want a castle? I personally would love a small house with a biiig yard. It seemed to me that he was just greedy and justifying his greed using some nice new age language.

Also, I was agreeing with him - most of us, including me, are not "playing it big" as we should. It doesn't mean that we get castles and money, no, not "big" in Antony Robinson sense. "Big" in sense of daring to follow our dreams and living our lives to the fullest.

I spoke with Rick today and he scolded me for complaining. He said: "do not complain even if you have a reason to. Don't complain even internally." It made me think. Again, it is a fine line - because, I was complaining about something completely legitimately bad that needed to be taken care of. For example, the economic situation we are in is a legit bad case on the agenda. The wind and noise around my house is an issue for me. HOWEVER, how we deal with it matters. I NEED TO TAKE ACTION WITHOUT COMPLAINING. I need to just act. Cut if necessary, and all without complaining. Like a surgeon. Complaining seems to just dilute the energy. If the wind and noise bothers me - move. But do not complain while I am still here.

Complaining is always a sign to something way deeper, that's what I feel. It has to be listened to and found out what and why is complaining. What is in pain, what hurts, what is disconnected from God? What action needs to be taken to remedy the situation? Is it a kid with a scratched knee that needs to be kissed to feel better, or is it a chronically bitter sour puss trying to kill it for everyone, and even intentionally. Or both. It is a red light and needs to be checked out.

Happiness is also a red light and needs to be checked out. It shows that something works, that something is good for me. Like African dance - made me very happy. Kind community.

---this was posted on Rick Jarrow's blog,

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Being nice when things are nice and also tough

I attended the belly dance class by Sabrina Fox yesterday. She is apparently a big name in tribal fusion style of belly dance, which is really something like those heavy metal, "goth" people dancing something that looks like belly dance to the sounds of some heavy metal-like music, all dressed in black spookey stuff, heavy black makeup, and lots of metal. I haven't seen her performances, so I don't know how far she goes with all that.

Well, luckily, last night she was rather mellow, just the metal music part and some black was there. She wore some light neutral makeup and a rather modern yet traditional belly dance workout costume - black short top, tight black leotards, scarf around her hips. And lots of jewelery all over - big bangles, neclaces, flowers in her hair, ...

The audience was all dressed in black leotards and tops, I felt like I was attending some evening event. :) I came dressed in my colorful African garb... and looked totally out of place. Oh well!! :)

Sabrina is rather large-boned, physically strong woman. Lots of muscles. She is beautiful too, with large lips and nice glowey skin.

She is a very good dancer, her moves, coreography, posture, attitude - is great. Also, very professional - she would repeat the same moves with the same accurate elegant movement, e.g. the hands, and she always kept her posture. The professional part comes in with the large belly tatoo (something that looks like a butterfly, so it moves when her belly moves and definitely attracts attention where you need it), belly button jewelery, and silicon boobs, and of course, lots of jewelery all over. She is a good teacher too, she made sure to practice in front of every side of the room and to correct us and praise us gently and fairly.

BTW - have you noticed - all belly dancers have nice glowy skin. The wiggling moves keep the spine and the endocrine system going and in great shape. The sweating and aerobic exercise also helps to detoxify and keep healthy.

Although Sabrina was talking in a rather (artifically soft and cudley) feminine way, there was no question about how physically strong she was, and how strong her dance was, and that there was no messing with her. She gave some good pointers about saving the body, esp. the knees, the neck, etc. and that gave her a sense of "meaning business". She was definitely grounded. In that sense she is a good role model. I don't know how she supports herself. Wouldn't surprise me if she is self supporting.

Also, Sabrina Fox was very very nice. It is very interesting to me to observe the belly dance culture - the students are all female, the teacher is female. There was another teacher in the audience. So Sabrina was trying to jokingly downplay herself and make jokes about herself that would put her down and probably were intended to put us at ease. But it is obvious that she is "the" star and the jokes are just ... hm... to be kind :) She was nice in trying to pay attention to everyone. She talked to all students, allowed them to take photos afterwards, invited them to give her a call, gave them her phone number in San Diego....

Then I connected the dots - those 2 hrs cost 35$. There was about 20 of us in there. Even with the rent and advertising, that lady walked out with at least $400 in her pocket for that night. I would be nice for that money too :)

On the other hand, in order to get to the point where one is famous and can charge $35 for 2 hour class, requires being nice a lot, and to a lot of people - who will then support you and cheer you on. In this case, the student audience is all women and they have to feel like it is worth paying that much. And of course, what is required is being good at what you do. I suppose Sabrina is very good at what she does - dance - and she is also able to gracefully share it with other women, who then feel inclined to spend the money on learning it from Sabrina.

So, anyways, I was thinking how easy it is to be nice when you are going to make 400$ for 2 hrs and you are secure in your stardom. I remembered how nice I was when I was in such situations. Recently, my situations are not nice nor easy and they are not stardom, and it has been much more difficult to be nice, and I have NOT been nice. My work seems to be to stay nice no matter what is happening. So far I have been failing big time.

So there I am, thinking about it. What is my blind spot, what is it that I need to see in order to evolve?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

From Rick Jarrow: manifestation in timeof meltdown

~Manifestation in the Time of Meltdown~

With regard to our collective economic situation, the changes that have happened have had to happen, and there is no returning to business as usual. At best, bailing out a sinking ship is a stop gap measure. Even if it "works" we may just be able to get the vessel to a place where it can receive actual help. Let us be clear, however, that the Titanic of the inflated, consumerist, debt-driven, *easy-money economy will remain at the bottom of the ocean. For those whose emotions and desires are controlled by the market economy and its endless flow of products and experiences, this situation is obviously frightening, but there is another side that is much more than just a silver lining.

Philosophies of "unlimited abundance" that have appeared in our midst, tend to deny these dark and difficult sides of our lives. As a result, in times of illness, loss, or economic challenge, many of us initially wonder, "What did I do wrong, where was I not aligned?" The answer is that you have done nothing wrong, that such challenges are a necessary and essential part of soulfulness. The premier American Psychologist, William James, spoke of the "sick soul" and the "healthy soul" as two basic human types. The healthy soul (Walt Whitman was James' example) need not dwell in the experience of the abyss, whereas the sick soul (Tolstoy, for James) evolves to the light through passages into darkness. James did not make value judgments about these types, but understood that for many, times of loss and disorientation can indeed be most valuable times.

I share from first hand experience the remarkable gifts that can come through illness and loss: insight, knowledge, true compassion, and the literal metamorphosis of consciousness from fixated to free. These things are hard to speak or write of, which is why I prefer to share the passage through the shadows in a meditative experience, however, one clear expression of this was set forth by C.G. Jung. When asked about his experience of "God" shortly before his death, Jung replied that for him, God appeared as everything and everyone that came across his path unexpectedly, unsolicited, and unwanted. Likewise, at the end of his essay, "Self Reliance," Emerson challenges his readers by asking if they think that a new job, a new love, new found health or wealth will actually make their life any better. Nothing will do it, says Emerson, but "the triumph of principle."

Just what is this "principle" that allows one to deeply receive whatever life offers and transform it into positivity, knowledge, freedom, and peace? It is neither a mystery nor a "secret," yet we tend to forget it in the clamor and din of events and illusions fostered by contemporary culture. In terms of Manifestation Work, this is a genuine opportunity--a chance to develop the strength of our own resourcefulness along with the living knowledge that our well-being does not depend upon banks or bail outs. For example, rather than getting caught up in media based hysteria, we can instead consciously work with the situation to learn to share and cycle resources, to find out what we are made of, and to deepen our existential commitment: our sense of why we have actually come here at this time. One way to do this is to process our Life's Work by considering the following four key points of manifestation.

Well Being can be understood in a wider context as something that is for everything and everyone, not just for the separate individual, which pits "I" against others. This does not mean we neglect our own personal well being, rather we open to see and feel how each is a part of all. If my own well-being is not contributing toward the greater well being, what good is it? The serious mistake of the "Secret," and like minded programs, is to envision well-being uniquely in terms of individual aggrandizement, feeding on scarcity and egotism as opposed to opening to WHAT IS, which is always well, available, and which can be shared.

Community seems to be what we want and simultaneously fear. We have thousand plus year histories of being put down by others, limited, oppressed, and abused--like the current back door attempt to dissolve gay marriages--and yet, the work of manifestation is magnificently amplified in community. A group of proactive people who are willing to set both viable and visionary goals and be accountable to them exponentially increases each person's power to envision and create. Many of us have been doing this work for years, now is the time to make our mark and to demonstrate how we can mutually support each others' authenticity and direction.

Sustainability can become a code word for new forms of self imposed poverty, which is why I prefer Bernard Lietaer's term "Sustainable Abundance." Indeed, abundance and sustainability go hand in hand as organically vibrant and self renewing technologies and organizational systems that foster creativity as well as clarity and discipline. In spite of meltdowns on the macro level, or more pointedly, as a response to them, we are asked to manage our own economy with intelligence, awareness, and compassion. Thoreau devotes a major chapter in Walden to "economy." What that means in terms of inner work, as I detail in The Alchemy of Abundance, is expanding our sense of "energy work" to include awareness and management of the inflow and outflow of time, money, and resources in our lives. This can be done. The late Joe Dominguez (Your Money or Your Life) had people carrying around little notebooks to note down every single expenditure of the day (Gandhi, likewise, kept scrupulous accounts). The idea here is not to obsess over money, but to take on first chakra accountability, to be aware of what is actually happening on this level. In the Manifestation Work, we not only track expenses and income, we also track our energetic experience of giving and receiving. This allows us to raise our vibratory rate out of ignorance and panic and to begin to literally craft the life we are called to live.

Creativity need not be about making a "mud pie" that I can market or show to you to prove my self worth. It is the voyage to the deepest part of oneself to bring back what is most valuable, what reminds each of us of why we are here and that inspires us to remember, to put wholeness back together. Creativity and soul work both need time above all else, and creating more free time, more aware time, can be done. A first step, in this direction, is to monitor and reduce both the external use and internal capitulation of the words "should," "ought," and "have to." This may sound pedestrian until you actually experience how these thought forms seep into your most subtle modes of thinking and feeling.

Now these are all just words, and most of us have had enough of them. Now is a time for action: I cannot reiterate forcefully enough that this so called "crisis" is the opportunity that we have been waiting for. It is an opportunity to share, to grow, and to carve out an honest, joyous, and sane way of living. It is an opportunity to live with intention and vision instead of apathy and apprehension. And above all, it is an opportunity to leap out of our pettiness and self absorption, to meet the expanse and embrace the alchemical marriage between "what is" and "what can be."

Rick Jarow

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Place for modern medicine

This is a story of how modern medicine, with its knives and antibiotics, can help in times of emergency.

My cat came home with a cheek swollen, size of golf ball. On a small 9lb cat, it looks big.... And her eye was red and completely shut. She showed up on Monday evening. I took her to the building manager, he said: "Some car must have hit her. Well, animals heal all by themselves, just let her be."

With that "heal yourself!" attitude, I just fed her. She was so hurting, she could not even eat and just painfully meaowed when she tried to chew. She stayed overnight and left the next morning. Came back in the evening and followed me from my car to my door. The next door dog came out, and the cat got scared and left. The next day, the next door group was smoking pot when I came home. The stench was in the air. As soon as they heard me, all guests left, their door was closed, and there was no more stench coming out. It took me about 5 mins to ventilate my living room. Finally it was all fresh air and quiet. But - the cat never came.

I talked with my officemate and she said that cat bites are poisonous, that her cat was bit by another cat and had to go to the vet, twice. My alert buttons went off. What if my cat did need some help? and I wasn't doing anything to help her!

On Thursday morning, I was already totally worried. I called the vet and they said that cat probably got into a fight and to bring her in. But the cat was nowhere to be found.

On Thursday afternoon, still no cat anywhere. I finally connected the dots. She always runs away from the manager because he has that cold hearted attitude. Because I care for her, she came to me for help - and I failed her! I failed her miserably. Was it too late and did I mess it up so much that she would lose her eye because of my negligence?

So I prayed. I sat on the Ocean for about 2 hours praying and meditating, asking for forgiveness, and promising I will take her to the vet.

The cat showed up as soon as I got home. She rubbed herself around me, looked at me and showed me her eye, which was still swollen. She could eat a little bit now. I gave her homeopatic remedies, sprinkled TraumaLife aromatherapy, and did some light work on her. By the morning, she was a lot perkier. But the cheek was still swollen. I had to go to work... and work all day... so I said: tomorrow we go to the vet.

That night (Friday) I gave her more homeopatics, and she got even perkier. But, the cheek was still swollen, the eye closed. She slept inside, I let her sleep on a chair, on a fancy cushion that she is not supposed to use. She might have gotten a hint that something was coming...

On Saturday, I called the vet and said we are coming in. The cat was nowhere to be found. It took me about 15 mins to find her, in my tiny little space. She was hiding so well!!! I grabbed her and took her away. A small tiny puff of fur by now, she lost so much weight and energy and looked really pathetic.

The vet looked at her, said something punctured her cheek and the hole got infected, and that he will open it and clean it. I looked at him and said ok. In a second, they whisked the cat away. I listened carefully in the hall, no meaows, nothing. They brought her back about 10 mins later, her cheek all bloody, blood dripping. The vet gave her antibiotic shot, said that the wound didn't have to be kept clean because antibiotics will take care of it, and the cat can go outside. I took the cat home. She seemed all right! She was perky although blood was dripping from her cheek.

I was totally exausted and stressed out. Looking at her, I was thinking: did I just let them ruin this cat??? Oh my gosh. What if it gets infected more, what if .... What if the butcher ruined my cat? Did I set her up for infinite antibiotics and vet cycle? Wasn't there a gentler more natural way to deal with this? This is exactly what they do to people - cut them and butcher them and give antibiotics. Oh my gosh!

Luckily - the cat did get better. The blood clothed by the end of that day and there was no drips. She stayed in a lot, slept all the time, ate, and drank a LOT of water. Sometimes she went outside.
It was kinda very nice to have her in all the time and enjoy her company. I talked to her and she listened. I talked to her just like I talked on the way to the vet...

Her eye is fine now. Thank God. I feel really blessed that this bloody story ended relatively easily. I hope her digestion will be ok after all those antibiotics.

I still don't know what got her. It was just one poke through the cheek - how likely is it that it was a bite from another animal? Sounds more like a puncture wound. How? Where? I don't know. I just hope the cat stays out of trouble in the future.

She is a street cat and about 7 yrs old, which is a lot for a street cat. Maybe in this warm climate, street cats live longer. It is rather sad - all this trouble started last Nov, when she disappeared for 2 months.

Last November, the cat was a gorgeous miniature tiger, with blazing orange fur, with beautiful white fluff underneath the orange. She was a huge, muscular cat, and everyone admired her.

Then heavy rains and floods started in November; I yelled at the Born Again dude and we broke up; I was scared about the financial collapse; and the cat left. I didn't see her for TWO MONTHS. When she showed up again, her fur was in very bad shape. She didn't hang around much. Then my parents came, and the cat started coming again regularly. Then we took her to the vet for the fur problem, then now for the eye problem. Two visits to the vet in 3 weeks - and she has never needed the vet before.

What I learned is how sensitive she is to energy. She left when it was too tense. She came back when my parents brought back feelings of coziness and ease. She left when manager didn't want to help her. She came back when I confirmed that I will be there for her. One little animal, so smart, so accurately judging the situation.


Monday, March 23, 2009

African drum and dance camp on North Shore! with Yousuff Koumbassa!

SAVE THE DATE! Th May 14- Sun May 17, in Mokuleia Camp Erdman YMCA.

The conference organizers are threatening to accept only 45 dancers - so register asap!

Teachers: big names only - they are all experienced and famous -
***Yousuff Koumbassa*** from NYC ( yes!!! the guy), Naby Bangoura, Fode Bangoura, Fara Tolno, Mariama Camara, Karamba Dioubate, Moussa Bangoura, Sekou bangoura.

Th: 10am drum class, 12 lunch, 2 dance, 4 drum, 5:30 dinner, 7:30 dance.
Fri and Sat: 7 am yoga, 8 breakfast, 9 drum, 11 dance, 12:30 lunch, 1:30 drum, 3:30 d ance, 5:30 dinner, 7:30 dance.
Sun: 8 am breakfast, 10 dance, 12 checkout.

$355 full camp: 3 nights, 3 days, for all drum, dance, yoga, meals, lodging. Cabins or tenting.

$305 full camp/ drum, no dance.

$300 2 days 2 nights.
$285 2 days 1 night.
$120 day pass for all classes and meals, no lodging.
$20 per day for just watching (the camp has some insurance requirements - sorry).

Make checks payable to: Starr Anastasio, 300 Davey Glen rd #3525, Belmont CA 94002. tel (808)389-0749.
Also you may call Iman Bance, (808) 741-4626.

One working mom to another one

Planning for your life after your first child is born is a natural thing
to do. But you don't know at all what your baby will be like, or what
you will be like after the birth.

Babies come with different temperaments and needs. You may end up with
an easy-going baby who sleeps a lot, nurses without trouble and doesn't
have colic. Or you could end up with a colicky baby who cries for the
first three months, doesn't eat enough and has chronic diaper rash. Or
you could end up with an infant who has a special need, like a sensory
disorder or even autism. You could have a premature baby who is in the
hospital for a month after being born. You just don't know. So my advice
is to think about plans, but stay flexible enough that if your baby
needs your total attention for some reason, that you are able to give it
to him or her.

Having your first child is also a life-changing experience for you, your
marriage and your household. I agree with another poster that taking
care of your child (especially your first where you're learning as you
go) is the hardest job you may ever do. Here's a simple fact: just after
birth, the typical baby will feed every 3 hours. If you're lucky and
your baby nurses easily and falls asleep afterwards, each feeding and
changing will take about an hour. So that's 8 hours a day, 7 days a week
right there, 56 hours a week with no breaks longer than 2 hours. Now add
arranging meals for your husband and you, laundry, shopping, your own
grooming (bathing, dressing, etc) and errands. Let's call that 10-15
hours a week. (And it all has to fit into those 2-hour periods when your
baby is sleeping, and you have to take the baby along when you're out of
the house). We're up to 66-71 hours a week, again with no breaks. This
period typically lasts for 6 weeks to 3 months. If you're lucky again
and your husband takes an overnight feeding with a bottle, you may be
getting as much as 5 hours of continuous sleep a night. That is a BIG
job for one person. Do you have local family, and are they willing to
help? (Or do you prefer your mother-in-law stays out of your way? :-))

Now think of any issues. Colicky baby - less sleep for you, much more
time spent trying to get the baby to fall asleep. Baby who nurses slowly
- each cycle may take 1.5 to 2 hours, leaving you only one hour out of
three to do anything else. Post-partum medical issues for you (like
recovering from a C-section, trouble with milk production, infections,
etc) - everything will take longer than in the optimistic case above.

After I had my son, I developed post-partum depression (which is not
uncommon). I was a stay-at-home mom, but I was forced to get help just
to survive. I was lucky to be able to hire a nanny who helped me 20
hours a week during my son's early life. But hiring a nanny when I was
exhausted from taking care of the baby and depressed to boot was one of
the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Another thing to consider is what your plans are for any more children.
Most women choose to have their children within a few years of each
other. If you plan to have another child in 2 or 3 years, would your
business be self-sustaining enough that you could take the time with
your second baby? What if you choose to have more than 2 children?

One last thing - I hope you realize that your mood is already being
affected by your hormones. This effect may get stronger as you approach
delivery. I found some tremendous energy while I was pregnant, where I
thought I could do anything! After delivery, there is a 4-6 week period
where your body returns (chemically) to its pre-pregnancy state, and
your mood may shift radically during this time. If you breastfeed your
baby, those hormones affect your mood too. Just keep this in mind as you
consider your decisions.

And congratulations on your pregnancy!

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Monday, March 16, 2009

"Nematoda," sung by Keali'i Rachel

words and music by Puakea Nogelmeier

E nematoda kolo i ke anu Oh nematode, crawling in the cold
Me ka pouli o ka lepo i lalo In the darkness of the dirt there below
E lâlau a`e i ka mâ`ama`ama Reach out for the brightness and the light
Me ka mehana o ke ao âkea Here in the warmth of the great, wide world.

E nematoda i ka mâla pua Oh nematode in the flower garden
Mai `imi i ke a`a e omo ai Don't seek out the rootlets for you to suck upon
E honi i ke `ala nôheahea Inhale the sweetness of the heady fragrance
I ka mâhie me ka uluwehiwehi Amid the splendor and the lush beauty.

E nematoda `ôku`u wale Oh nematode, just squatting there
Ho`ohalahala i ka nani o ka paia Finding fault in the beauty of the wall
E pâ`ihi`ihi `oe i ke o`a You should exhale the rafters themselves
Me ka pouhana e kûpa`a ai ka hale And the pillars that stabilize this house.

E nematoda `auhea `oe Oh nematode, won't you take notice
E alo pû ana i ka hale kanaka You live together in a world of people
Hewa `ole kauhale kanaka `ole There are no flaws in a world uninhabited
I laila paha `oe e `oli`oli ai Maybe that is where you could find delight

Kaukau `ia mai me ke aloha Admonished kindly and with affection
I ke ao kanaka e mâhie nei In this delightful world of human existence
Hea aku mâkou, e ô mai `oe We call out to you, respond to your name
E nematoda, e môhala mai Oh nematoda, let yourself bloom forth.

"E nâ nematoda e ho`olohe mai nei!" "Hey all you nematodes who are listening!"
"Tsa `oukou!" "Shame on you!"
"E nânâ iâ `oukou iho." "`Ae." "Look at your own selves." "Yes."
"He aha kâ `oukou hana i kêia wâ?" "What are you doing now?"
"Nematoda wale!" "Criticizing as usual!"

Cure for sinus infection, headache, sleep, etc etc etc

Story in regular font, and medical advice in italics.

It was raining a lot here lately, so no swimming in nice salty Ocean waters, which washes everything clean and is very therapeutic for sinuses. Plus, wind was blowing the dust around and the excess moisture just let ALL the microorganisms THRIVE! In this mold-prone warm, wet tropical climate, everything gets moldy very quickly, esp. when it rains. Everyone around here was sneezing and/or caughing.

Including me. What got me is that A/C police asked me to close the door at work. The A/C is so dirty that the room smells real bad, air is stale and smells moldy. So I just keep the door open :) As soon as they forced me to close the door - voila! my sinuses rebelled.

Sometimes sinuses can be helped by massaging tight neck muscles, sometimes one can just wash it off with neti pot (a yogi invention, looks like a tea kettle that you stick into one nostril and wash the nose off by letting the water drip - of course, you lean sideways). This all assumes that one is rested and ready to take the time to deal with this.

Well I wasn't :) My parents left and I came back from Congo camp, and I was trying to get out of the house as much as possible and continue living communal lifestyle, which meant long drives to Honolulu, eating in a rush, and pretending I didn't just come from no sleep, performing, traveling, and 6 hrs of dancing per day. Tsk tsk.

Until it got really bad and I was FORCED to stay home and rest. But even then - I wasn't getting any better.

Do you know what helped me?
First, I noticed the connection between sacrum and head - when sacrum is tight, sinuses get tight. So I relaxed my sacrum and I was feeling better. (That allowed me to keep on going out until I collapsed though :)

Second, I noticed that I simply wasn't in my body. I was somewhere else, thinking about the Congo camp and about my parents. I think I got hooked onto Congolese style music and dance. That is a significant change in my life and it took time to readjust my life views to that. It is so funny how we know - I heard Hyacinte's CD before I even set my foot in that camp, and I knew that was it. I had a great time at the camp. It took me a whole week mulling it over at home after camp to accept that indeed this is what I will be dancing and drumming from now on. But that it doesn't mean negating anything else - I still love ukulele and slak key and Hawaiian style, etc. However, I found my little niche. For now? or forever - I don't know. It just feels right. It is funny, did my parents get the wrong baby at the hospital? It is interesting, my parents have all the seeds in what I like and am today, but they are two traditional Serbs. I am not. How did I end up dancing and playing African, with an Indian guru, and Native American family and training and lifestyle??
Also, the dance/drum community is not a spiritual community, generally speaking, and is prone to "pretty dancer mighty drummer flirt and sleep together" syndrome. But, even so-called spiritual communities can be rather prosaic. However, some are better than others. Gurdjieff work, or Yogananda's groups are Real. I felt that the Congolese Camp team was real too, as much as lay people can be; and also that I am protected by my spiritual memberships. My "committee" watches very very carefully.

AS SOON AS I "landed back on Earth" and into my life right here right now, then things started changing for better.


THird, as I was reconnecting with my life and poking around youtube, I ran into the videos of Paramahansa Yogananda. Wow. That's my guru. I am not sure how I'd react if I saw him in real life - perhaps he'd be a little weird to me. However, somehow I Recognize him and that's it. I browsed through his videos and connected with him, and it felt good. I asked him and Babaji for help.

Well, Yogananda had a video on how to sleep, and I did that last night. Wow! That WORKS! I woke up completely healed. Also, since I talked with them and asked for help, I had a feeling that indeed they were helping me. Just knowing that I wasn't alone here and left to fend for myself was very reassuring. Yes, I already know that, and it is also good to confirm it.

So what is the ultimate cure for all? God. Which we get in touch with by being here now. As simple as that.

Then we also do some things like keeping clean and eating healthy food and resting, yeah, that's common sense, God helps those who help themselves.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Healing effect of music: featuring African, esp. Congolese

Ok, everyone, first of all, this is Milica, is the name of my healing and bodywork business, one of specialties is healing with music.

Check out my youtube playlist, it has much African stuff:

Make sure to check out Congolese crispy clean moves:

And TELL EVERYONE - tell your grandma, your cat, all your friends - about the rocking Congolese Camp:

I also keep a blog and that's where I will post first anything I find interesting, -> tab for the blog
or directly in


Saturday, March 14, 2009

HumanRemodeling youtube list

All the healing music, song, dance, ... there. Let me know if you find something else to be included.

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THis is what Congolese sounds and looks like

Watch the movement that just flows, watch the unusual funky steps, feel the stretching, listen to it:


Some really good fun

Just came back from Congolese drum and dance camp,

Wow - it was awesome. It is so much fun, and also an excellent physical and mental workout, and also - people are so nice. All teachers are Natives from Congo and they give the camp a certain flavor of an African village, and it feels good, that living the Native way.

Music and dance are so kinky funky that it is a phenomenal martial arts and awareness practice. Playing it and dancing it requires paying attention and yet being relaxed, at the same time; knowing your part and yet synchronizing with the rest. It unites body, mind and spirit. One has to be in the groove and just fly with the music. It is an excellent excellent workout. It is also an exercise in community and communication. For example, each drummer plays a different beat and they all have to match. All dancers have to dance the same thing and also move together in lines. Drummers and dancers have to work together. There is singing while drumming and dancing. It is a moving, evolving, tenacious energy. Very powerful and also very gentle.

There is also kalimba playing, which sounds angelic (bush doctor plays this) and so on.

And storytelling - interactive storytelling! audience has to participate - such fun and deep stories. The storyteller dances the story and signs too.

And people listen to each other and have conversations. There is caretaking of each other. Also, it is very healing to be acknowledged and respected like that.

There is not much on Congolese drum/dance, so this is a gem. Here are some links to Congolese: there is a promotional video with a dance clip - the guy is 42 yrs old! the lady even more - dancing/drumming this stuff keeps body young for a long time. Every year there is camp in Hawaii in March, and one in July in N. California, 10 days each, you can come for any amount of time and not even take classes. Some teachers live in Paris, some live in Oakland and teach weekly classes, some teach congolese drumming at universities.
Search for Chrysogone Diangouaya and Hyacinte Massamba - phenomenal drumming clip

If you want to order a CD with drumming and singing, then you will have to contact and arrange to carry his CD. He and his group drum and sing, it is an awesome CD.

THere is West African too - it is a little better known by now, because they got instructional DVDs and CDs. It is very powerful too. with Yousuff Koumbassa - check out his dance dvd in "bio" Moustapha Bangoura and Le Bagatae - check out dance clips

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Monday, March 9, 2009

Copying our parents

My parents were here for a month. It was very educational to observe that I am almost an exact copy of them. I imitated them and learned all their behaviors and patterns. The emotional patterns, the physical patterns, everything.

Some things that I learned are luckily positive, but the majority of the imitation is negative.

I total astonishment, I was watching them and realizing I do EXACTLY the same thing.


So then: who am I?


Healing effect of music - African Congolese

I just came back from Congolese drum and dance camp - it was fabulous. Native lifestyle plus all the music and dance.

The camp is actually 10 days but you can come for any portion of it, and not even take any classes. The teachers are from Congo, Central Africa. They are Native. No questions asked, the camp is a healing experience, living Native in a community that cares. Everyone gets really happy and content - each person is included and honored.

The music is fantastic - such a workout for the body and the mind.

Check out

They have camp twice per year: March in Hawaii and July in N. California. There are lots of teachers/classes in San Fran and Oakland area year round.

The lead drummer: Hyacinte Massamba - see him play

The lead dancer: Chrysogone Diangouaya - google him

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