Sunday, June 28, 2009

I like, I don't like: seeing clearly

First I was thinking about my conversation with the Born Again Ignorant practitioner from my dance class. I actually went on a date with another Born Ignorant, so I am very familiar what that brand of religious dogma. He was claiming he was in love with me and would give "anything he owns just to have me", he hang around for 2 years and wanted to marry me and move to Hawaii, but as soon as we touched into his religion (which is a huge issue because he TALKS about everything oh so high but never DOES it nor feel it) - well, as soon we questioned that wanna-be christianity, he left in a jiffy, and claimed he totally forgot me in TWO DAYS. That's a big switch, isn't it? Plus, he was completely high because he acted like a "good christian" and he strutted around proudly telling people that "he is a christian."

If your religion can make you forget someone over a weekend because you have to stay a good "christian", then what kind of "religion" is it? I say it is the worst case of dogma and brainwashing and it forbids you to feel and to be honest with yourself. It is amazing that an adult human being would fall for that kind of brainwashing. They are completely addicted. Also, what kind of "human being" can believe in something like that? Only someone very very low on the evolution level.

Finally those dots got connected in my head and the whole case is clear. If this person can finally see what his "religion" is doing to him, perhaps there is some hope for his salvation.

As I was driving to Honolulu on a beautiful Saturday morning, I was noticing car "logos". Am not sure how it is called in English :) You know, the little "badge" that shows car manufacturer. Honda's logo looks like H, Ford says "Ford", BMW has a circle with black and blue squares, Mercedes has a tri-fork in a circle, Toyota has a symbol, Lexus looks like Nike-like shaped "L" in a circle, etc.

And so: all those brand names are prominently displayed on the back of the car. Interesting. People like branding. Furthermore, humans like brand prominently displayed - so everyone can see you are wearing LaCosta or Ralf Lauren or whatever the brands are these days.

Keeping up with the Joneses and strutting your brand around is a part of owning the car, for majority of the people, otherwise those little logos won't be so prettily displayed.

Just like people put tatoos on top of their butt. I was thinking how car manufacturers and tatoos are related :) Humans got to like that kind of display. It is interesting what corporate advertising can get people used to.

Then, as I was driving and looking around and noticing some houses I have never seen before although I have driven that road for years, I realized a big thing:

my mind was just resting on various "objects" and *** I NEVER REALLY SAW THEM ***. The only thing that happened as my eyes rested on an object was my reaction: I LIKE IT or I DO NOT LIKE IT. I never really saw the thing I was looking at!!!

So, looking without any preferences, I was actually able to SEE houses, gardens, details that I have never noticed before.


That way of thinking was very fruitful because I started looking like that into internal things in my life, and was able to let go of an old enemy. Being of competitive nature, I love to "get even" and I can be very revengeful even after a long time, however it costs me too much to carry that around. Also, I already "won". I got what I wanted way back then anyways, I have proven a long time ago that my case was legit. (The person was making fun of me and bullying me. I woved that I was going to make them eat it. They did - not because I did anything to them, but because I became "popular" so their opinion that I was lame was just publicly refuted.) I just let it go. It is actually very simple to let things go.

From my personal experience, it seems to be easy to let things go when we are sure in ourselves, that our case is "legit." Then we don't depend on any opinions or approval of others.


Now I need to work on letting go of this Born Impotent ex-date. A part of me loves to snivel about how terrible experience that was. Sure it was. That was one of the worst dates I ever had, because there was some good parts about it and then there was the totally evil presence of that religious brain sucker. I was dating an addict. Another part of me is completely happy he is gone, understands his complete spiritual and life impotence due to this addiction of his, and feels forgiving and compassionate and wishes him well. If this experience doesn't help him see it, nothing will. He "loved" someone so much and forgot them in 2 days because his religion mandated so. Wow.

For me, the lesson is to trust myself more. I kinda knew this, I felt it, and I should have not interacted with him. Interacting with shit only can make you dirty and smelly and feeling like throwing up. Thus: avoid shit. As simple as that. As soon as it smells, run.

We learn as we go. I am very good with following the rule above with things I am familiar with, for example I won't go out with a womanizer or someone with chemical addictions, because I KNOW for sure how detrimental they are. I just flirted briefly with a womanizer once and then he did his number with someone else and even that little was a very nausiating scary experience, a clear violation of any human dignity. Plus, he must be an STD case. Another guy who smokes pot and gets drunk (yet has a job and a functional life) was after me, and he is nice but no thanks! Two times as I even briefly thought about "hm, is he it???" I had nightmares about drugs, which I never do, and it is clear that any closer dealing with him would be extremely dangerous. He would make anyone feel very trashy. When drugs take over, he is gone, and in a very bad way. He would always make any woman feel like a very unimportant second thing in his life.


So, that's all very interesting stuff, being able to SEE CLEARLY, without any "I LIKE THIS" or "I DISLIKE THIS."

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

wisdom from oldies

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five
years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything.Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or
didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day.Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Who knows us?

M: How well do you know me? Questions include: Which of these movies best reflects my personality? What time am I usually in bed by? What is my middle name? How many times have I traveled out of the country?

Milica: Hey M, is there anything that you don't know that other people do know about you? Some new insights....

M: that's an interesting point you raise, but how would I create an fb quiz to yield those new insights ;) ?

Milica: Well, my point was that we often have idealized images about ourselves, i.e. we can know less about ourselves than other people see in us. So, *I* might think that the movie that represents me is XYZ but in reality, others see me (because I am truly like it!) as ABC. XYZ can be (a lot) better or worse than ABC :) I might think I am a moron but I am kind and considerate, or I might think I am a super hero but am actually selfish and arrogant.

Also, my point was that trivia questions like: what is my favorite movie? really do not tell us if someone Knows us, or even more, Cares to Know us.
Someone who truly knows us and Cares to know us is someone who knows how many spoons of sugar we take in our coffee and serves us that, who knows the note that makes our eyes schine the most, and what we are like when baby wakes us at 2am. And a lot more, it is difficult to put in words.

Also, the best way to find out if someone knows us and cares about us is to take them to a difficult situation and observe. Simple things: do they care to know how many spoons to put into our coffee? Family dinners, business receptions, are all good tests. I once carpooled in a car with a driver under influence and needed a ride back with someone sane. I asked a prospective suitor, but he was in a rush to go somewhere else and never even said a "sorry" about my situation. So much for that moron, he will never take time to know me. Another one I asked to come with me to the most important activity I do, meditation group. He never did. So he stands no chance of ever knowing me.

And so on. Mothers usually know us the best :) At least mine is super accurate :) "Ok you ditched that guy, he WAS a moron. .... But: were you a little too strict?"

Oh yes, watch "Groundhog day". At one point he knew all about her because he was hunting her. There is a happy end because the "quiz" became a lot deeper.

what is more "important" - truth or memory

Q: what is more "important" - truth or memory?

Milica: Depending what you wan to be: an asleep or an awake person? Also, the "truth" is different for each one of us, depending on our own state of consciousness. WHEN A PICKPOCKET MEETS THE SAINT, HE SEES ONLY THE POCKETS. Read Kahlil Gibran's book on views of Jesus. Some saw him (truely!) as criminal, some as a lunatic, some as a saint. The "truth" we see is in accordance what we are like ourselves.

God is the only one who knows The Truth. Saints and other awake objective, neutral people close to God can see more of The Truth than an asleep unaware person who is only capable of seeing their own little view of the world.

Also, The Truth can be contraversial and contradictory. Probably some remember Hitler as a nice guy, because he *was* nice to them for a second or more they met him and they never knew of his killing side. I know such people, who were always nice to me, and terrible to others. Milarepa, a Buddhist saint, was a criminal before he started spiritual practice, and even when he started, he tried to cheat and get out of it a lot and he was a nuisance. Eventually he reached enlightment.

So, Milarepa was a "bad person" before he reached enlightment. So who can tell what is the Truth and what is memory about Milarepa? The people he hurt or the people he saved?

So, it is very very complicated, and to see the Whole Truth is something only an evolved person can See. The more evolved we are, the more we will See. The less evolved, the less we see, we will see only the pockets.


Yogananda shares how to get there: "be kind to all and then you will know the mysteries of the mind. It is only when you become kind that God will give you His Power."

Being kind doesn't mean faking it or thinking it :) It means truly feeling it and acting it. That is difficult and possible, with a lot of Inner Work.

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GMO Madness

GMO Madness

That stuff is dangerous!!! GMO stuff is in all junk food.
******Mice and other animals refuse to eat it.******
When force fed it, it caused mice to become depressed, get aggressive, not sleep, become fearful and paranoid, even die.

This has a lot of good info on EVERYTHING you need to know about GMOs:

I agree totally! This GMO stuff is really scary and people do not realize the damage being done physically to our health and that the plants once the pollen escapes from the GMO will never be the same. The plant DNA is what we have evolved with for millions of years and some company thinks that they can change that and not negatively affect the planet or our health. This is not going to be pretty. I really think the demise of the planet is well underway.

Goats milk is what I have read before for a healthier milk. I am sure there are websites about naturally feeding a baby.
I will pass on anything I can find in that respect.

I too think it is criminal what people are feeding and injecting into their children and selves.
Aloha no,

---------FromMilica: -------------
So what is a good infant formula?
I looked at the organic web sites and some look better than others.

I wonder how to find a good naturopath too..

What people are feeding babies is completely scarey. They are feeding them regular infant formula, which is full of GMO stuff and that stuff causes problems!!!! serious problems!!!! did you see those reports when Winsconsin school kids fed mice with it. The mice could not sleep and became very aggressive, fearful, sick, some died, some committed suicide, some killed other mice.

It is scarey what is happening to this planet!!!! IT IS COMPLETELY SCAREY.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Congolese music has posted some youtube videos of the drummers and dancers - yay! Drummers dancing while drumming - Chrysogone dancining - an excellent intro to Congolese dance - the guy dancing is over 42, and just look at him!!! If you want to be in such shape, start dancing now! dancer and drummer (Chrysogone and Hyacinte) dancing together, more dancers Chrysogone dancing at Maui 2008 Chrysogone dancing a story


Nomads in the desert going to get water.

Two new babies are born in the USA and have issues, crying. They are fed formula. What is in the formula? GMO corn and soy and who knows what else. These kids are supposedly getting the nutrition but what kind and also what junk is included in it.

I am lately VERY concerned about what we eat and drink. Somehow it got into my tissues, into my brain, that WHATEVER I EAT ENDS UP IN ME. And it can be good or bad for me. Good stuff makes me feel good. Bad stuff makes me feel bad and function less.

And chemicals and GMO are definitely bad.

Did you see reports about what happens when mice are fed junk food (which is full of GE food). Mice cannot sleep, become depressed or aggressive, etc. Search for school kids feeding mice GE food.


Friday, June 19, 2009

math is fun....

OK, so then I get into the lecture notes prepared by David Allister for McGraw Hill, and the notes are so witty and I think (again) that math is fun.

Oh well!

Here is a problem to be solved:

F(x) means: x is a fleegle
S(x): x is a snurd
T(x): x is a thingamabob
x can be only from {fleegles, snurds, thingamabobs}

Write this out in math formulas:
1. Everything is a fleegle
2. Nothing is a snurd.
3. All fleegles are snurds.
4. Some fleegles are thingamabobs.
5. No snurd is a thingamabob.
6. If any fleegle is a snurd then it's also a thingamabob

Yes, you guessed it right, I like Alice in Wonderland and this is fun and interesting to me.

thinking is for Higher

To K: as I am preparing to teach a math class

PS - 2 weeks ago when you said how nice I was, it was because the week before that I did a lot of bodywork - I was helping low back pain, hunchbacks, etc etc etc and I was doing music and a little bit of math and I was HAPPY.
The last 2 weeks I am just doing computer / math work only and since you mentioned it,it is obvious that there is a huge difference. It makes me sick. All day long, I am proving such silly stuff like that I can reach top of a ladder if I know that I can reach the first rung and then every next rung from the rung I am standing on. And I am supposed to teach students about that....

My head has been hurting and I get nauseous and exausted from so much intellectualizing nonsense. It is completely kid's play, completely knowledge without being.

Heads are to be used for a lot more finer thinking. When I think about God or how to Work or whatever else is Higher, I feel rested and happy.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

fixing the neck

A chiropractor severely injured my neck a while ago, and ever since then, it has been a problem. It was already slightly a problem before the chiropractor accident, because the jaw had a tight TMJ and "ghost pain" in the ear on the same side as the chiropractor yanked later, and a local accupuncturist tried "putting the jaw back" and made it 100% worse and definitely out of place, so the ear started complaining even more. The whole thing started when I lived with roomates and had to constantly keep on moving. THere was one particular landlord that completely scared me, he was threatening to kick me out any time (and he did!) and I remember laying in bed at night and shivering with fear. That's when the ear problems started and the neck got issues.

When the chirporactor yanked it, the neck was terribly hurting. I spent about 4K going to about 30 therapists and chiropractors here on the island, and nobody could fix it. It was getting worse, I begun having tingling in my fingers and also it felt like I could not even raise my arm up, it was so weak and stiff. Also, my face started having some problems because a nerve felt like it was pinched, it was tingling when I turned just the right way. It felt like my entire left arm didn't belong to me anymore. I couldn't really drum. I couldn't feel the arm.

This concerned me and I started working on it myself.

What I did is African dance. That loosened the arm and the neck a lot. Then I massaged it myself, paying attention to the trigger points. I have to work on it daily because there are points I cannot easily reach so I have to be innovative :)

It got so much better that now the left arm can drum and move just like the right arm, and it is SO nice. The face has cleared up. There has been no tingling for a long time. YEEEHA!


Cat yoga

You should see a cat do yoga - how it streeeeeeeetches... then rolls over ... .then streeetch again.... then stay there for a long time.... with a total bliss on the face. What a good life!

I thought I should do the same. Somehow this morning it occurred to me that I am happiest when I freely give love, and when there is good music. Last weeks loving my two new nieces made me sooo happy, before that it was loving the born ignorant ex (well, he did have some good points and since he lived far away, as long as he was away his good points won over his bad points), every day it is loving my cat and my patients. I love loving, showering love on others, receiving it. It feels good, it feels natural, it feels like me. Also, music, I noticed how instantly I get happy when there is good music around. African dancing and drumming is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, I love that music. And that way of living - moving on, never getting stuck, always being present and paying attention, and enjoying it.

So this morning as I was driving to work, I was thinking: all those are external things. I am not going to have a boyfriend every day of my life, I cannot depend on babies being born or around, I am not going to have music every second of my life. Even if I do get married and have a husband every day and children every day, even if I play daily, I won't be able to depend on any of it to make me start showering love. I can never depend on something external to prime that pump.






So, once I solved this "problem" I lived the rest of the day based on it, and it works. I kinda fell behind in the late afternoon, when I was alone at home and on the beach, and feeling blue about it. But again - I focused on God. Then I could really be here now.

The cat shows that this strategy works. She hasn;t let go of me all day, and even gave me a lot of shiatsu with her paws, making sure that she stays around me and keeps physical contact. I love her. Such a fuzzy ball.

Today I was also thinking that in order to accomplish this solution of focusing on God, I need to empty my heart and my whole being of any negative emotions which make God's entry impossible. It literally felt like cleaning up the inside. I asked God to get in there and clean up, and I made effort to get myself back on track when I started getting off it and thinking about how so-and-so picked on me and getting all upset about it. The African dance/drum class picked on me yesterday and I didn't like it. I am different but I am not separate. It bothered me that Milica is good for free massages, for coming to class and paying every time, for fetching stuff from the store, for giving free rides, but still where is no respect for Milica. This kind of thing often happens to me because I am so "lame", I never strut my stuff around so a lot of immature people think I am weaker and they often do feel free to pick on me. Whoever picks on me is a moron and a bully. They are playing games. On my side, I need to be a lot more firm about my boundaries and self respect, and remind people of my value and contribution. Otherwise, they just take it for granted and then treat me like a doormat which makes me upset and then .....
Also, my bad is that I am often too stingy with showing my appreciation and although my classmates tried drawing me out, I often didn't respond enough, so some of them can feel a little odd about me. Well, some cats are just too tight, that's all I can say, and only a LOT of love, consistently and unconditionally, can draw them out.

In my case, I have lots of love, so not sharing it is really hurting me. It needs to come out!

I realized that my upset about it is just hurting ME. For my own sake, I needed to just drop all that. I know who I am and what my intentions are and I am going to live that.

This is huge for me. It requires a certain self confidence, knowing my own place and what I need and stand for, and trust in God that I am always where I need to be, and that the world is my mirror, and that it is completely OK to take a look at myself and observe whatever is there. Seems like I am getting beyond notions of GOOD and BAD, and into some real stuff, the stuff of life.

I realized that those negative emotions were just eating my life, eating me alive, and that it is a lot more important to LIVE. NOW.

So I reminded myself today with a general feeling of something like this: I am here to Love, and play music, and enjoy Life and spread the good vibes.
This worked on my patients etc. Certainly worked on the cat. And on me! What a beauty treatment, it feels relaxing and a lot more energizing.

Friday, June 12, 2009

"fix me NOW"

As a female (and a pretty one) it is sometimes hard to make people take me seriously, because: you can be EITHER pretty OR smart; and, women are not supposed to make money nor have power. Women are supposed to heal out of goodness of their heart and not charge for it. Women are not supposed to be able to perform high performance tasks.

I suspect I probably have been believing and exuding this, otherwise they would have not tried to pull a fast one on me. Someone once told me that I have tree energy and am very giving, which people take advantage of. Sounds about right :) But I can also take my claws out and shred. There must be a better balance - as Yogananda said, I need to learn how to hiss in warning so that there is never a need to bite nor an opportunity to beat me up. Human beings are STRANGE. They work on fear, by the law of intimidation and bigger fish eating smaller fish, and everyone is always contemplating and judging others: are they bigger or smaller, shall I kiss ass so they don't chow me, or shall I just go ahead and push them over? Humans are no different than any animal, it is always bigger dog has his way.

So some patients come in and try their pity dance and they try to get fixed in very short time and pay as little as possible. They think that ability to fix someone's body is something to be gotten for free and passed onto them for free.

Also, some clients think someone can fix them without them doing the work. That is impossible.

I have about 97% success rate, even with severe cases. Sometimes I can help in one session because it is just some trigger points that need to be deactivated. Usually the person has to do their stretches at home to maintain the benefits.

Typically, if I cannot fix someone, it is because they are beyond repair and due for an operation, e.g. spinal column being poked by ruptured disk, etc.

I charge average - amount which is not dirt cheap but is not the most top (although I could increase - I do some rolfing techniques and a lot of very deep tissue massage, and rolfers charge 125$ per hour.) Locally, a very average relaxing massage therapist will charge 60$ per hour, shops charge 80$ or more, and rolfers charge 125$. Some lomi practitioners charge less because they work under the table and only by word of mouth and were trained for free by a relative, and/or they have a job and work on the side by donation.
I charge $75 per hour right now, I pay for advertising and classes BIG time, and I fix injuries on many levels. Very few other people do.

And I am a holistic practitioner. Everything is involved. So we talk about emotions, spirit, food, relationship, business, details of daily life like lifting babies out of cribs and driving 45 mins one way to work and finding time to cook at home ... it all impacts the body.

I worked with someone who had low back pain. Medical doctor examined him for 2 minutes and told him it was a mild kidney infection because there was increased white blood cells. Common! The entire back was in spasm and also there was something non-physical that was there, my cat RAN AWAY although her favorite music was playing, and she does that only when there is something very negative about the person. I had to keep on praying really hard to keep the space clean. Anyways, after a little more than one hour, the person was fine again and paid me for 1 hr (well, this was an old client, so it might be ok).

I worked with someone who went through shoulder surgery 7 yrs ago, works with lifting and pushing daily, and does not get massages nor stretches. He came in with severe neck pain due to pushing, he could not turn, and it already lasted 1 week. He tried medical doctors and physical therapy.
He wanted me to fix his neck in one session and complained that we worked on it for 2 hrs and thus it cost too much. After more than 2 hrs, his pain was practically gone, he had more range of movement, and I showed him the anatomy and what stretches to do.

Then I worked on a woman who had extra pounds, terribly taut back side, and problems with her knee, which was severely hurting. It was squished. The knee was already operated on and was still a major problem and they told her that there is nothing they could do. She went for majorly painful physical therapy. We worked for about one hour and talked about food, stretching, etc. so all together she was here for almost 1.5 hrs and paid for a little more than 1 hr. She complained that it was costly and maybe she won't come back. (There was too much homework, I think. I asked her to do some self massage and stretches, and to avoid certain foods, and to keep on swimming and biking and losing weight.) At the end of our time, her knee was hurting less, she was feeling more relaxed, she was encouraged, and looked happy and radiant and about 20 yrs younger.

Today someone called me who has 7 ruptured discs in the spine, for many many years, and was on painkillers for years. I said that in cases like that, there is always nonphysical involved. The woman interrupted me with upset and said that she already knows about that, her family is Native and she understands and that is what kept her alive all those years. Then she hung up on me.

I was just about to say that very very few people really understand, I certainly cannot claim to understand, and that perhaps she doesn't understand.

Understanding God is a very big subject. Only a saint can understand God. We aspiring novices can only try and try and try and keep on trying. Meditation and prayer are the way.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Craigslist is not free anymore!

To post a massage add, we have to pay them 10$ the first time and then 5$ for every week.

I wonder what else they are charging for. I think job adds.

Facebook is full of paid advertisements, they are on the right side and very visible although they look subtle. University of Phoenix and many other "deep pockets" are advertising there. Facebook owners must be raking in tons of money....


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

for M in hot pink

There is a lady I know who is a born again "christian". She is a nice lady. But doesn't seem aware of what she is fooling around with. Being in contact with such detrimental ideas is like standing on the edge of something that will suck you in and eat you alive.

How do I know?
Here is an intriguing book: "I slept with a born again "christian" " and then in small letters in the subtitle: "unmarried." How's that for a catchy title?

For me, contact with an organized religion was a terrible experience, I felt very violated. The members of such organizations are incapable of treating you properly when it comes to a closer contact. It was terrifying to realize that this creepy thing can be called a "human being". Such darkness, very scary. It felt like very close contact with something monstrous. Indeed, the religious specimen that was my boyfriend is a creep. What he believes in is monstrous and very detrimental to anything that comes in contact with it. It is like coming in contact with a breath of death, something that just kills anything live on contact.

There are many ways to come in closer contact with creepy. Business provides ample opportunities, as well as relationships. For example, someone who flirts in front of you and/or cheats behind your back, someone who gets drunk and stoned and stupid, someone who beats you up, someone who calls you names, someone who never spends time with you, .... Those are all very creepy and to be avoided.

This article will deal with the type of creepy related to organized religion. It is the kind of creepy where they try to smokescreen it and convince you that they love you and mean you well although they don't show it, you don't feel it, and it is obvious that something is very wrong about it. The kind of creepy where foreigners come in and redo your entire traditional life because it was "bad" and give you a whole new set of "good" and ruin your culture, your family, your country, your core.

My family has suffered from religious persecution during wars, so I am very well aware of what organized religion stands for. Rigid and judgemental belief systems of organized religion are behind a lot of destruction, wars, strife, exploitation of people and Nature. Every organized religion is guilty of this; relying on immaturity of people to keep them stuck in fear and thus under control. And in a very evil way, nudging people into harming each other under the pretense of religious supremacy. Organized religion is just an excuse, a cover up, for major indulgence in anything egoistical.

The path to God is something else. It requires independence, true cooperation based on education and compassion, and thus it is based on a lot of Inner Work. Who teaches that? Only metaphysical and mystical schools and saints and smaller less known branches of organized religion, like Tibetan Buddhism or sufism. Perhaps some practitioners of large organized religion get there, like Theresa of Avilla, but it is in spite of what they are taught, seems like.

I was lucky never to have met a religios dogma first hand before. Before I knew what this creep stood for, I knew that there was something wrong about him because he was not genuine and natural and at ease, there was no warmth and friendliness around him, he couldn't show love and receive and give it. He couldn't relate on a deep level, he was always talking how much he loved me but in reality he couldn't even give me 5 minutes of true attention or kindness, and any forgiveness was way beyond him even for simple stuff. It was always all about him. He was a profound coward and a weakling, and he covered it up by talking very high about himself. Yet I was even considering marrying the guy. Such is the power of sex. It blinds us to so many things.

Someone like that cannot give any attention to anything else but himself because he is too busy being afraid for his own ass. Is he in good standing with god or not? that's the only thing that matters. You, me, Nature, children, cats, NOTHING matters. The only thing that matters is his ass.

We all have our own ways to hide behind something that makes our ass special. For some people, it is drugs, or working too much, or sleeping around, or being a martyr suffering, or overeating, drinking, or acting the life of the party, or being really prim and proper, or whatever. We all have our own ways of avoiding ourselves, others, and God. Avoiding being in the NOW and trying to hide behind something external that makes us look special to others.

This particular brand of people called "christians" uses very specific excuses such as bible, jesus and god. I write it all in small letters because their bible, jesus and god are all fake, plastic things, drug for the masses. They are such cheap imitations of the real thing that we cannot even compare them to the real thing. There is absolutely nothing in common. These plastic idols are actually completely mad made based on ego, and thus completely opposite than what God really is. They are drugs to feed the ego.

For any real deep relationship, spiritual practice is a must and Inner Work is required. Someone who is on drugs and into ego is not into Inner Work at all. So, it's either drugs or relationship.

So, I said that he was either quitting this religious dogma which makes him just fake being good and actually continue being a moron, or I refuse to have anything to do with him. He "choose Jesus Christ" without even blinking, in one millisecond, the same guy that was singing to me how "he would give his life and anything he owns just to have me." SOOOO much for that. Well, that was on Friday. Next week, he said that "he was kinda low during the weekend, but then started doing charitable events and helped so many people and then his life took off into an exciting direction and he was happy ever after. He felt very proud that he defended his religion, thinking how he did like old christians did when they were forced into gladiator rings with lions and still stood for christianity. He was proudly telling everyone he is a christian. Then next week he saw nude Jennifer Aniston on yahoo web page, so he thought about how she dared to be so free and then where in his life he wasn't free, and then somehow he remembered me for about 2 minutes but then he was in his work vehicle and they came to the office, he got out of the car and then forgot about it, and hasn't thought about me or what happened between us ever since."
THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO BE A PRACTICING BORN IGNORANT. Yeah. I was speechless listening to this. Can you believe that an adult is this immature, and even so stupid to say it straight into my face, and even believes in how grand and good he is and how much he is following god.

This "christian" is a selfish rude creep. Incapable of any love, kindness or compassion. A master at lieing to himself and others. So good at convincing himself into anything that is along the party lines.

Unbelievable amount of self deception. If he did love me, it would be impossible to forget me so easily. If he indeed could forget this "love" so easily just because his religion told him so, then his religion is a dogma that keeps people brainwashed. In either case, he LIED. His actions proved that he did not love me and that his religion is a dogma.

His ideas of himself as "good" are complete fantasy.

In reality, the guy is truly impotent. He can talk high and he cannot do anything real.

After the whole experience first-hand learning about this particular brand of insanity called "christianity" there are many comments I can make.

First, as my muslim friend said, the very word "born again" implies that there was something wrong with them, and somehow the church fixed them. Indeed, the whole religion is based on the premise that something is wrong with you. Then you feel GUILT and thus let any creep tell you exactly what to do, and you read some moldy old book called Bible, written by who knows whom and when, and you read it LITERALLY and take it literally as THE truth. Complete brainwashing.

It would not be possible unless the person felt that there was something wrong with them and somehow this church thing made them special and worthy. So this "christianity" is made for people with very low self esteem and a lot of guilt.

Probably people with low IQ too. How is it possible to believe so naively???
To ignore facts that Bible was rewritten through centuries, they took out stuff like karma and meditation, etc. There were religious councils that decided what to keep in and what to add to bible.

Probably people who were somehow damaged and are not capable of venturing into some higher thinking out of the box. This christian box is a safe place - it is tiny and smug and the rules are very clear. It is easy to follow these few rules and never think for oneself.

Probably people who are used to being abused. There is something intrinsically wrong with someone telling you exactly what you should think and do. There is something intrinsically wrong with living life that never leads to any positive influence but only leaving a trail of destruction. There is something intrinsically wrong with someone telling you that you are good and other people are bad. There is something intrinsically wrong with having rigid rules and literal interpretation. IT FEELS STIFFLING, IT FEELS OFF. How come those people do not notice anything fishy???

Second, I would rename this religion as "born ignorant" or "born impotent". Because it is, both.

Ignorant because they don't think for themselves. They just hide behind some club that promises eternal glory and salvation from hell - both things that are completely and absolutely unverifiable. It is really like the boogey man that scares little children - it appears real and you cannot sleep because of it, you are terrified, but you can never prove anything. The whole "christianity" is based on the notion of boogeyman coming to get you and church saving your unworthy weak little ass.

Ignorant also because the whole thing is based on being condescending - I am in the club, you are not, ha ha ha!!! tut tut tut!!! I am better than you!!! and the Bible said so!!!

If someone can say that Dalai Lama is going to hell because he didn't accept Jesus Christ, that all Buddhist and all other religions practitioners and even their saints are all going to hell - AND THE BIBLE SAID SO!!! SO IT IS DEFINITELY TRUE!!! - well - what is the IQ of such a person? Below being called a moron. They haven't thought for themselves even one single thought. Someone gave them thoughts to think and they are dutifully parroting them.

This creep even tried to convert me, he kept on working secretly on it and told me that he kept on praying for it and imagining me with my hand on the bible. This ass kisser never even mentioned he was practicing his devil god worshiping. He kept it secret because he KNEW that there is something wrong with it and I won't like it. They all know that what they believe in is strange to other people, and for a good reason. Any time we have that feeling of shame, it is for a good reason!

Impotent because they rely on Jesus having done the work for them so they are saved! job done! now we can relax, say a few prayers and scoot comfortably. If they do any harm, they say a prayer and they are done. Very easy god to believe in! There is no remorse, no Inner Work, no contemplation, no effort, nothing. Just TALK GOOD and you are gonna be fine!

They just talk talk talk. They never think, feel, or do. They just talk. They talk about something called "Jesus Christ", they talk about "love", they talk about "kindness and forgiveness and compassion". But they never ever feel anything, or do anything along those lines. Actually, they are just the opposite, there is no real love or compassion or real Jesus in there at all. They just take take take and plow over anything.

It takes so much effort to be able to be truly kind and compassionate, it requires dealing with all the internal muck inside a person and transcending it. That is a lot of WORK! Which a "christian" is completely incapable of doing, because they are specifically trained NOT to do it. The entire teaching is totally against any inner contemplation and observation and Work. They are trained to talk high and to pretend that they are good. If the reality doesn't fit this idea, then they pretend that it does. They are never in the NOW, observing as it is. The reality of life shows that they cannot love or forgive or whatever. All their "goodness" is all in their heads as fantasy.

because, the whole "christian" thing is based on I MY MINE. I want my ass saved, and I don't care at what cost. I will despise you, I will kill you, I won't respect you, I will do whatever I want FOR ME. I am special, I am in the club, and I am going to make sure I get my share. I am a child of god and I am going to heaven. Because I say that I belong to the club, I automatically get all those privileges.

The whole thing is a super exercise in sheer selfishness and self conceit and complete and utter fakiness.

This "christian" lives in utmost fear, waiting for some god to spank him if he is bad and to reward him if he is good. But he can cheat behind god's back and if the god doesn't really see it and if he keeps on TALKING about how devoted he is, then everything is ok!

THIS IS LIKE BEING A KID WITH A VERY NASTY TEACHER. As long as you keep you beebee gun and the sling under your desk and as long as the teacher doesn't catch you using them - use them secretly in class, during recess, after school when nobody is watching - and as long as you pretend to look attentive and listening in class - everything is ok and you get an A and a "good boy" badge to take home and parade in front of your parents and neighbors.

And you know what is amazing? That there are adults walking around thinking and believing this. Unbelievable!!! What is the maturity level of such person? low....

And how about:

The notions of world brotherhood, of all people being intrinsically same, of all true teachings being intrinsically the same, of the need for thinking for oneself and testing everything for oneself, of the need to really Experience and Live and Open.
The idea of GOD AS ONE,

Finer and deeper pondering, finer understanding, comprehension of the Higher meanings in everything. For example, Christ is a certain **energy** of kindness and compassion that all true spiritual teachings connect to. In that sense, yes, you cannot get to God unless you accept Christ. But you can accept this unconditional love and kindness if you are Buddhist, Hindu, etc. They just don't call it "Christ." They call it "loving kindness and compassion." It is the same thing.

It is time the humanity starts thinking more along those lines. Because, they are true. How do I know? People who are true saints said so. Also, I don't know how, but somehow I Remember. It is all very fresh in my mind. I suppose that's why people say I "came wired as a healer" and am "different". Consequently, hanging around asleep humans can feel like being around trampling mad elephants. How come they all forgot??? They didn't forget. They must remember something. They just need a reminder. We all need reminders. I need reminders, you need reminders. That's what true spiritual teaching is for - to keep on reminding us to Remember.

I talked with a nun of Self Realization Fellowship, which is Paramahansa Yogananda's organization, about this. She said: just avoid any "born agains", that stuff is too ingrained in him and he is hopeless. ANY CONTACT WITH SUCH PERSON JUST INCREASES HURT FEELINGS. Stay away. He has never treated you properly and never will. Just tell him that you will pray for him and that you both go separate ways.

I thought about this. This born again ignorant really believed he was in close contact with god. Although he was walking around doing really stupid things, like going to Hooters and a lot worse stuff, he still believed he was tight with god and prayed daily.

I thought about it like God would. God probably takes all this as the best this person has to offer. The person is like a kid - his understanding and abilities are very limited, his maturity is low, his experience is nonexistant. because he is just 2 years old and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Only time will make him grow.

So God must accept anything from this person graciously, like we would accept a hand-made scribbled watercolor and hang it on our fridge as the greatest artwork ever. Indeed, it is - for this kid, that is their best right now. They proudly present it to us and expect us to praise it endlessly and tell them how great they are and how much we love them.

So God must appreciate at least some of the antics of this born ignorant.

However, as my mother said, what this man practices and believes must make the real Jesus weep, for it is very detrimental to Life. This man keeps on bean counting and dividing Life and killing it. He has no true Respect for ALL OF GOD's CREATION.

Something very funny happened, I actually forgave him all this. I suppose finally I understood that I was dealing with a kid and it made it into something light and forgivable. It is actually extremely funny and comical that a hot lively thing like me ended up with a born impotent red neck. It is like trying to get two arch-enemies together. His whole life is based on lies and ego, and my whole life is based on following something esoteric and mystical permeated with light. Our Native teachers paired us up, two people looking for God in their own ways, two very horny long-time single hermits, and it is very very very comical and diabolically designed, and it worked!!! actually it worked. I thank everyone for playing such a beautiful part in this romantic black comedy.

And, if you have any aspirations of having a true and deep relationship, stay away from "christians". Stay away from anyone who is committed to any kinds of "drugs" and escaping the NOW. The person has to be able to be in the NOW because that is the only place where two people can meet. Then the person can treat you properly - with respect and appreciation.



K: Today I was with a pet rooster. It was beeeeautiful! And so plump. It pranced around puffing itself and trying to look bigger than it is, more important than it is, and it pecked you if you didn't pay attention to it. Just like human ego...

Milica: Today I felt quiet. Which is unusual for this cocky rooster! I pranced so much I got hurt. I pranced through fire, over knives, into walls, and I got bruised and injured, and now I am feeling humbled and quiet - and what NOW?

The truth is that Something has grabbed me and pranced me around and smashed me into walls and through fire and scorched my pretty feathers, and made me feel tiny and insignificant and feeble and a lot more respectful. Now I am awaiting for further instructions because it is obvious I have no clue what to do on my own. I need to learn to be something else than the rooster.

Reminds me of "Chickpea and the cook" poem by Rumi.
Chickpea is trying to escape from the boiling pot and the cook smacks it with the laddle and puts it back into the scorching heat. The chickpea complains, but the cook answers: when you cook more fully with fire and spices, you will be so much tastier, so good to eat.

Monday, June 8, 2009

what does it mean to be "virtuous"?

-----Original Message-----
From: Virtuous Woman
Thank you so much for replying and I appreciate the insight. I would like to know more about why I should remove the notion of being a virtuous woman? I agree that following the path of God is what I should be seeking BUT why do you feel that I should lose the Virtuous Woman I.D.?

Milica's reply:

Precisely because it is an I.D. :)

And also, what does that ID mean?

Following the path of God is indeed being virtuos, but again the meaning of "virtuous" is up for discussion - what does it mean to be "virtuous"? Especially in our profession, virtuous means so many things, one which pertains to being virtuous about sexuality.

Word "virtuous" is so loaded with church dogma. Do we really know, feel, understand what the word truly means? Church virtuous usually means being always good and always pure etc. and that is a big fallacy.

If you really follow path towards God, you will find that being virtuous is completely not what you thought it was. It's not about being good.

Plus, if you truly observe yourself, you will discover it is more your intent to be virtuous and that you are not virtuous most of the time. It takes so much effort and Inner Work to be truly Virtuous.

Also, advertising oneself as a virtuous woman today is a self advertisement, portraying yourself in a "good light." Also the word "woman" in that label sounds off. Why is it important that you are a woman?

In any case, there are other ways to say that you are following the path of God. The word "virtuos" does not conjure, at least to me, following the path of God. It must be some code word that only members of your religion will be able to understand.

My 2 cents worth

from Cealo: joy is NOW

One of my favorite saints, this one is still physically alive. A buddhist monk who believes in God :) His name is Guana Cealo. He works in Shri Lanka and Miramar and has amazing programs for helping people, esp. children.

This is Cealo's message for the full moon meditation in June 2009. He has meditations and messages every fool moon.

The human mind believes that joy comes after sorrow.
The mind experiences negativities first, then depression,
And then tries to get away from the depression - from pain to joy.

Still, the human mind believes “no pain no gain”
and “creation after destruction”….This is what life looks like...
This is the how the world is….

Know that all the pain and joy that arises is realized because of this b
Know that we don’t need to live in such concepts.
Know that there is no such cosmic rule.
Although you think of tomorrow, know that today is the beginning
of a new day that you can enjoy today and feel joy today.

Know that the human heart lives in freedom and it should not bound
to fixed ideas.

Every day and every minute is the beginning of new experiences and new j

So close your eyes now. You are ahead of a new experience now.
Let your mind know that the way new things begin is not with negative en

Empty yourself of all the negativities from the past and be outside of t
he chain of negativity. Be free of fixed ideas.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

why work farmer's market?

THANK YOU so much everyone for your thoughtful feedback! It really helped me clarify: WHY am I at that farmer's market. I was there hoping to use it as an advertising tool and get my name out as someone who does good repair work.

If people on the market are not looking for a healing type of massage, it is because they are not used to having it there :) But if they find it, they will use it, remember it and hopefully spread the word and come back for more. And that's why I am there - to be discovered. It is kinda like a fairy tale - you never know where you will find the magic woman who can help you. Sometimes she is on the farmer's market next to the veggie stand.


cirilic sung

Serbian alphabet sung

How to find a mate

How to find a mate? Very simply - just meditate on it.
I actually did what Dr. Todd said to me, a long time ago, and twice.
The first time I was just freshly divorced, and I went to Xmass party at work and saw my coleague with his beautiful wife and two beautiful children. I went home and cried on my bed: how come I cannot have that? So I said what kind of guy I wanted. And the image popped into my head of a man similar to what I asked for. It was a very very vivid image. It wasn't exactly what I asked for, but similar, and I said to God in surprise: ok, if that's what it is, I accept it.

Several months later, I went to my Native American classes, and across the entire gym, a man looked at me and came over to shake my hand. He looked *** exactly *** like the image I saw. He even wore the same clothes. He said: "I dont' think I know you, but you look familiar." I said: "well, don't take me wrong, but I was meditating on a mate for me and someone who looks like you showed up." I looked at him more carefully and said: "But it was not you. He had different eyes and smile." He said: "what a strange way to look for a boyfriend!" And I thought to myself, very smitten and surprised: "what other way there is???" I am a little different :) Obviously :)
ANyways, this man pondered for a few seconds, and then he said: "Well, it is not me, I am married. But I feel there is someone for you." So we said good bye and never talked again. I watched him from aside and it was very reassuring - he was a sociable introvert like me and it was so good to know there were men of my kind. My old husband was so not for me, he was such an extrovert and a noisy boisterous cocky person trying to impress and outdo everyone esp if they were important, we drove each other bananas with our differences. This man was quiet. He socialized in a deep way with everyone equally. I liked how he carried himself.

My next boyfriend did look like the man from the meditation. He was a very old friend that I met sometimes in classes. I saw him few months after the meditation and I remember looking at him from across the room in pain, thinking that he looks like it but is too cold to be it. Several months later, we met through several classes and he was a little thawed :) and we did date for a while. It was very beautiful and the first time ever I was truly in love, unconditionally and deeply, on all level. We jibed on so many levels and it was so nice to talk and to hang out together. I remember standing next to him at the airport and feeling the little current going through my entire body. It didn't work out. He didn't have a job and wanted to just live with me. That is not a man, but a parasite.

Then I went to Emanuel workshop, about 2002 again, just before taking that epic journey to Hawaii. One lady asked how to get herself a mate, and Emanuel told her to go home and write out everything she wanted. Well, I went home and *I wrote out what *I wanted :) It was a long and very nice list, I still have it in my journal scrapbook. I could feel this man literally materialize next to me, he was rather surprised to find himself there. Seems like my request kinda summoned him like Dorothy was taken by a tornado and plopped in a foreign land. He knew everything I wrote asking about him. There was some things he didn't like that I asked, and he protested and I crossed it out, he was actually right. I read the list aloud the next day in class, and everyone applauded and laughed with enthusiasm and said they wanted a guy exactly like that! It was hilarious. My guy was very popular :)
Pat who channels Emanuel was amused too, and said that they all needed to be invited to the wedding. I said sure. Then she paused and asked Emanuel when will this guy show up in person. Emanuel said: when Milica loves herself.

Apparently I still don't love myself, because nobody showed up. A Born Ignorant "christian" showed up but that is sooooooooooooo off anything real, it doesn't even count. I have no clue who my guy is. Sometimes I wonder if this guy actually looks like the man from the meditation, or I already met the messenger who looks like the man from mediation. I have no clue what this guy looks like. I know what he feels like and I guess will have to recognize him when he shows up. He will recognize me too. He will remember plopping next to me and the conversation we had. I have no clue how this will happen, but I am sure it will happen, because that is the Will of God. I am supposed to be married and live happily ever after.

My mother knows me well and she says that this man must be a very good man and a very strong man. Because I am rowdy and domineering and it is hard to keep me under control. I will respect only a man of integrity and good character. And only if I truly respect him, as equal, I will honor him and work with him no matter what. That's a tall order, isn't it. But one man, somewhere out there, wants this kind of energy and perpetual Inner Work for his partner.

Advice from Dr. Todd to those venturing to jump into abyss

A while ago, in about 2002? - a little before I took the epic trip cross country into nothing and eventually wandered to Hawaii, when I was still on East Coast sniveling to my Native American tribe, my dear friend Todd, who had the pleasure of driving with me and our teammates squished in the back of the truck to all the bumpy far Pines locations while I was munching on garlic - oh what memorable trips those were! Roswitha will remember the garlic too- well, my dear friend Todd said something very profound. He said something along these lines: "hey Milica, grab a guy (or two), have a drink, and call us in the morning." That was such a profound and shattering advice that totally stopped me in my tracks and made me ponder. I couldn't just say that I don't drink and that there is no guy left around. I just had to sell my house, pack my stuff and drive off towards West, hoping to fulfill this assignment.

Several years later, I am still kinda failing the assignment. I did grab a guy, but a Born Ignorant "christian" so there was no need to get drunk, he was enough to make me vomit.

So this is the rest of the discussion between me and Dr. Todd, dated about June 2, 2009:


Milica: Todd, I am at the end of the rope. I am going to be 100 years old soon and am not even dating anyone. I feel someone assigned to me and I can even hold a spiritual conversation with the guy, but he hasn't shown up in person. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel???


Todd: Greetings Milica,

End of your rope?

I have given this a good long think about your request for help.

And so here goes.

What in you must die or be let go of, to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel?

From my experience it is to know this that is key. For we are all the common denominator in our lives. To know the darkness that still is empowered in our choices, actions, thoughts, and being. What is left of this life that will be the old life once in the light and out of the tunnel?

What belief/s are the baggage of the past that can not be carried to the other shore?

Sometimes we must die the little death to live anew.

The answer is, You have your answer, it is how you know to ask the Question.

Focus on the light and let all else be stripped away.

Now here are some things I did to clarify myself for this journey and to give me the strength. to go through this kind of rebirth. Everything that is in ones past, I mean everything will need to be released into the care of The Creator and Earth Mother.... The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful.

Get REALY CLEAR on what you want in a mate. Write it down, draw a picture of this person and let the picture and list unfold this person to you. use as many types of mediums for this that you can to truly become clear about this. This is key!!! Use the pain and passion you feel, to move you to the calling of the light as your guide

This prep. work is a key piece.

Once you have this clarity stay focused on it and call it out loud, you have to say it out loud!!!

Now you need to speak this clarity VERY clearly..... It needs to flow with all this truth that is.

Like a song until it can be spoken with the sounds of ringing true to your heart....

You will know it when it does sound true.

Now comes the hard part.

Faith and time.

It may take some time of holding on to this clarity, not the details!!!, to give Creation a chance to manifest. For me it was about 1 year.

Looking back the year was time i needed to clear up things to be ready.

To let the transformation take affect. And this was after years of wanting to get there. Though until I made this commitment to myself fully did it come to be.

You will need to hold this clarity for what ever the time, that is needed.........

If you are there, at the end of your rope, end you are ready for the little death,
all can change.

I wish you all the best and would wish these next step on no one.

You will die to live.

This is about commitment beyond any thing we know or believe it to be, to the Creator.

All the Best,


Milica: completely frozen - the effects of his words were like a stop exercise - I bolded the only thing I remembered from his words - it just made me completely sloooow down and STOP. Everything became still and very very clear. Suddenly, I was Present. Yes, what I had to do is to die in order to live. Yes, it was all about God.

Yes, it is about living in accordance with Creator.
I am not there yet although I have all the tools, training, and support to be there. It has consequences to my whole life - jobs, mate, etc.

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.


You are welcome.

I put as much into those words as i can.

Not from what someone would say, rather from life lived.

Sometimes all the tools, training, and support we have must be surrendered

for the path of our own hearts journey.

I truly feel it is a great thing when a person gets to this place,

beyond all external and internal authority.

getting out of spa-factory box

-----Original Message-----
From: SMT to Milica


I am in pursuit of practicing massage in Hawaii. I currently have been practicing in another state since 2005. Honestly, I'm just ready for more and desire to gain more wisdom. I have been "boxed" in with the typical spa-Factory and it's time for more than that...
What are your recommendations toward this transition? What steps can I take and others I could avoid?
I would really appreciate your advice and wise counsel.

Thank you for your time and I pray that you have Great Success!



Oh, most of it in HI is spa-factory box, and for that matter, a tiny one, they pay lousy. However, there are some more real practitioners around here. For example, 5-week lomi class of Aunty Margaret on Big Island. Her daughter teaches now.

To gain more wisdom is a path of Inner Work and that is a lifelong journey. That is related but also separate from massage. If you want to do better massage, you have to study with good people. Like, take the Aunty class.
If you really want to be good, then you also have to Work on yourself. So you need to have some kind of spiritual practice, and you must take massage from someone like that too. If you take massage class from someone who is a jerk, you will be stuck.

For example, you will have to get rid of the notion that you are a virtuous woman. What is required is digging a lot deeper, beyond any labels and identifications, and following the path of God. This is so tricky and impossible to do on your own, you must have good guide(s), regularly. Finding that is extremely tricky. Good luck.

My web page has all kinds of resources and links to peruse.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

how to raise children? letter to A

-----Original Message-----
From A to Milica:
>Hi Milica:
>Thanks for this great email again! What an incredible person you are and
>sharing your struggles as well is so crucial.
>I agree with your mentor. He sounds really helpful. One of the acupuncturists
>here suggested a similar thing to me. He told me that I need to do more
>gardening rather than writing. He made a distinction between abstraction and
>You sound really a very excited aunt and it is fantastic! I am going to ask you
>for suggestions also about doing that with my kids. As we are
>speaking about kids I am thinking about my kid and would like to figure out a
>way of attending to his deeper needs and/or helping him learn to do so.
>Sometimes, I think he is divided between being mad and upset and others
>extremely sensitive and attentive to what we talk about. I think he is always
>listening and remembers a lot but I want to figure out a way of dealing with
>what you talk about in your email. The emotions--and even figuring out ways of
>channeling them better as he is really intune with many different kinds of
>emotions. I was thinking of getting him into yoga--what do you think?
>Thanks also for the email about my father-in-law. You are right on about the
>support and taking care of my kids and supporting my husband.
>Thank you Milica mou (my in an affectionate way in Greek) for being you!
>Lots of love,

Thanks for the feedback. I am not all that nice and great :) I just got off the phone with another mentor of mine and he yelled at me for being angry, tense, being competitive and jelous with another coworker and having animosity towards him, etc etc etc. The fact that he flirts and just rubs women is ok - he is serving their need and hasn't done anything wrong. In my eyes, it is majorly self prostitution. But I shouldn't be angry or competitive about it. It is how it is - so if I want to work there, I should expect that. Or leave.

About your kid (and maybe yourself):
This is a difficult question, because the answer is very complicated and requires a lot of Work on your and his part. Yoga is a good start. However, yoga can be just mechanical body stretches. What is needed is a lot deeper and more Inner Work. Meditation is the key to that.
Just sitting time is a good start.
Some kind of spiritual practice is what is asked for.
Well, organized religion is not all that helpful and can be quite detrimental.
However, we do need something spiritual and soemthing High and DEep to contemplate.

I like Paramahansa Yogananda, although he too can get off tangent and be really too... provincial about things, like the role of women etc. But in general he is a good guy and has a good book, The Spiritual Art of CHild Rearing, or something like that.

Gurdjieff Work in groups is helpful to me, I go once a week and I sit every day. They are like stripped down version of tibetan buddhism: how to be just quietly and neutrally observing everything. They have groups in every big town, Gurdjieff International Foundation. to see what he wrote, to see groups.

However, they are not into God, and I am. Imo they try to avoid the touchy subject because it is so confusing to so many people and they want people to get a solid spiritual foundation on their own.

However God is a crucial subject because there is nothing else but God. That's why Yogananda is so helpful. He really has good techniques to get in there and Connect.

********So, it really depends what you want to do.****************

For just plain awareness sitting, a home nature study class is great, Kamana I class. I think it is like 20$. Just sit quietly somewhere in Nature, trying to sense with "owl eyes, deer ears, wolf nose, raccoon touch". This builds external awareness, which is the first step to having awareness.

The next step is to build internal awareness.
For that, yoga is a good start: feel your body as it stretches, as you breathe, etc.
But then more is needed: be aware of your thoughts, emotions, etc.
THAT is a lifelong spiritual practice and ultimately leads to enlightment. Gurdjieff is very good for this.

So, yoga can be a very good start. It makes one feel one's body as well as pay attention to the outside (teacher talking, etc.). The trick is to be aware of the inside and outside at the same time. Eventually, we can be more aware of our own self inside.

The next step is to be aware of God.

Yogananda goes way beyond the inner/outer awareness and into awareness of God. He does it by turning off the senses of the body and just plunging into God. The body is actually a doorway, the path to God is through the 3rd eye area above the eyes. His recepie is: turn off the external senses, focus on the 3rd eye, and go. But there is a lot more than this, because to get to that point is rather a lot of work :) It is not enough just to look there for a second :)
But Yogananda has other much easier recepies: how to talk with God at any time, how to calm and center, etc. he has camps for kids. Perhaps you can subscribe to his magazine and see if you like that. The link is at


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

how to write a blog

Someone from the local African dance/drum community has actually read my blog! I never even thought they would. I am not really close friends with anyone there, I just show up and dance, sometimes have some deep personal conversations, but never as a long term friend, rather just a temporary confidante. I am a healer, remember.

It is good people are interested as to what I am writing. Not that it matters, because the comments were only really negative :) I guess one way to fame is by being contraversial :) I was never famous for being too diplomatic and not speaking up. Having a blog that people can read and have their own reactions because they are in it is something to watch for, isn't it. First, being kind, and second, egos are fragile. Perhaps it is always good to stick to abstract ideas and skip mentioning any people.

It seems like the complaints about my blog came from someones who already had issues with me and will misinterpret anything about me anyways. Some persons who complained used to be friendly towards me and then suddenly stopped, for no apparent reason to me.
On their side, they need to understand that sometimes we don't get back what we wanted. I have fed my cat for years and only now can I pet her. There are all kinds of different cats... Also, their circle is a tight circle of youngsters sharing experiences and I am just an outsider. I do not care to socialize much, it is a much younger crowd and their interests are amusing to watch from the side, but boring to participate in. During the last camp, what was fun to them is to get naked at night and swing off ropes and go giggling half drunk on the beach. I just yawned at that and went to sleep.... I am way older and what interests me is boring to them. Out of all the profound and very deep articles I wrote on my blog, they just could understand one thing... and that one thing made them upset. Well, seems like my stuff is a little too much for them. I don't think they understand that I am oldie :) On my side, I notice and appreciate the effort that they put to say hi to me. Unfortunately, in the last months I didn't have the energy to fake some little social niceties which I should have. That's my bad. This summer my life is at a different place and I should be able to put a little more effort into making sure that I show more kindness. Because, I do genuinely feel it. It's nice to have all these people to dance and drum and have fun with. I appreciate them being there. I can simply avoid the ones who picked on me before (luckily they don't anymore - I guess I made it clear I did not like it) and show more friendliness towards those who are friendly with me.

The comments about my blog came from much younger persons for whom this African stuff is a hobby. They obviously weren't aware of the business side nor the preserve-the-culture side nor the learning side of our common endeavor called African classes. Nobody really thanked me for advertising the classes and activities on my African activities web page and in the blog, which is worth many hours of work and about $1000 in money, at least, nor for me attending regularly and paying full price for classes, for which I spend about $200 per month, and me driving in from far away to attend paid performances, posting flyers, advertising by word of mouth, etc. - and thus supporting the community. Without members like me, there is no community, and there is no growth. If the existing community wants perfect members completely to their liking, it will be a closed clique and will stay small and stunted.

This is an interesting question. Every community wants members who are totally dedicated and enthused and hm well - indoctrinated. Everyone wants dedicated followers. However, a healthy community needs to allow something else.

Men are really good at this. They are straight forward and it is easy to deal with them. Women are a lot more complicated. I always hang out with more guys - in electrical engineering, in martial arts, in tracking. This is the first time ever that I am surrounded by lots of women and a few, often rotten spoiled and flirty guys :) Engineers and martial artists are a lot more reliable, solid, homey guys and that's why they get married early and typically stay married with kids and you seldom see them around, they stay home with their families. The drummer guys (and tracker guys too) are a lot more iffy lot and tend to just float around doing as they please. Trackers are not womanizers, just irresponsible. Drummers by the nature of their business hang around lots of ladies shaking their butts in front of them and the temptation is great to go for it. And most of them do. I wrote them off a long time ago as relationship material. After the last 3 tracker boyfriends, I wrote trackers off too :) Well, there is still the other wilderness mentoring school, those guys are solid and worth checking out.

Perhaps it is time to go back into more martial arts and the other wilderness school :) Maybe that's my ticket to actually getting married :)`Now that's another tricky question too - dating someone from the same classes is to be avoided imo in case it doesn't work out. I refused people from my dojo asking me out. WEll, I didn't like to go out with them anyways. Even if I did, being stuck "at work" with an ex is definitely not fun. So where do we find dates? The date has to be someone we know well enough so that there are no mistakes, but yet it cannot be someone too close to home. Hm, someone from another dojo or another wilderness school would work... That's entirely new topic. Stay tuned!

Monday, June 1, 2009

The best soap is grandpa's pine tar soap!

Grandpa's pine tar soap.


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