HumanRemodeling

White winged buffalo massage

2008-08-25T21:42:00.003-10:00

A lady came to see me, and I asked what shall we work on. She said that her friend had a great lomilomi massage and she felt something release and leave her calves and she cried, and the therapist told her that was anger from her childhood. So, my client wanted a similar experience to release her old stuff. I understood her desire to have this freeing experience, and also I suspected her desire to have this "special" shortcut that she could talk about later.

I asked her: so where do you feel that old stuff? She said she didn't know.
I asked: how will you know that it got released? She said she wouldn't know.
I asked: how did that therapist know it was childhood anger? Who is so mighty that they can see so deeply and be so sure and even tell the patient so confidently?
I asked was the friend transformed by this experience?

I explained that good bodywork certainly releases stuff, and it is possible to cry and have this exalted experience, but that it is not guaranteed as each massage is different for each person and every time. It is also possible to have a quiet enjoyable experience and just feel happy and somehow slightly different, and that's what we are really after. This slight, immesurable, happy transformation inside. No matter how we get there. Maybe with crying, maybe with laughing, maybe with falling asleep, maybe with deeply relaxing and enjoying, maybe with talking. In any case, we are somehow transformed, deeply and irreversibly.

This transformation is something that you don't have to brag about. Something that is not told to friends as a story. Soemthing that doesn't have labels and scenarios we are SO sure about - aha this is childhood anger. Aha, this is divorce. Aha, this is...

As soon as we start labeling, it is all in our heads. And that is just pouring from "empty into nothing" as we say in Serbian. The head talks to itself.

We try to stay open and keep transforming, like a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Attemting to be in the moment, to be Real, to be genuine. No drama, no labeling, no judging, no stories. Just As It Is.

What am I really like, right now?

energy work in spa setting

2008-08-22T11:26:00.002-10:00

I heard that a resort spa made their massage therapists take a short class (probably a few hours) in some "energy techniques" taught by a local "shaman" and is allowing the therapists to do that on spa guests.

Wow!!!!

Energy work is for someone who is highly trained and capable to do it. There are so many dangers in doing energy work without really knowing what one is doing. Because, energy work is in the realm of shaman. There are all kinds of physical and non-physical entities that are involved in energy work. Only someone who has very very extensive training in a well established and "clean" lineage AND is constantly supervised by the elders AND lives a very pure and spiritual life maybe could try doing some energy work, with very extensive preparation, prayer, etc.

Doing energy work without proper training and preparation is like giving a gun to a kid. It is just plain dangerous. It is calling for spiritual possessions, opening holes in auric field, and all kinds of stuff like that. Those things can happen anywhere anyways if one is careless, but *****meddling into them intentionally**** is really asking for trouble.

One cannot know what the story is with a massage establishment, the only thing one can do is FEEL the vibe of the place and the therapist. If it doesn't feel right, run.

Failure as incentive to grow

2008-08-20T23:29:00.002-10:00

This is a great blog post:

Benefits of Failure:
http://sandiego.jobing.com/blog_post.asp?post=12185

She talks about failures as incentives to learn and grow. Yes, indeed, from my own personal experience!

What is God?

2008-08-09T00:55:00.002-10:00

If I believe that God is ravengeful, and thus I fear God, what will my life be like?

Then I will worry only about my own survival and no matter what I do, I will make sure that my butt is not kicked.

If I believe that God is my best friend, a loving disciplinarian, a very loving all-knowing all-mighty ... parent, really, a Super Perfect Parent that always means me well, always schedules me perfectly, always takes care of me, never lets me off the hook, and is always there for me - then what will my life be like?

Do I fear God, or not?

2008-08-06T23:26:00.003-10:00

Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend who was a hard core "Christian" meaning he went to church and bought everything line, hook and sinker, thinking he was Born Again superhero, and that showed - he was so closed off, so frozen, so distant and so incapable of relating that we had to part asap.

At the end we "debriefed" and that's how I finally heard this from him:

>YES, I FEAR GOD.

My response was:
That's it!!!! That is the most fundamental difference between you and me, and that's why we are alien species. I do NOT fear God. I wish I could say I love God, that is my intent, but I am sure I fall short of it. I do try. To me, God is something that helps me. It can play tricks on me and will never let me go astray, but I do not fear that. It is always done with a loving hand, like a good parent. If it has me grounded, I still feel loved and taken care of. In short, I feel like I am good buddies with God, I feel like he is a very loving and very disciplining force in my life and I believe that I am always, always protected and taken care of. God watches over me and makes sure I am ok. I have absolutely no fear of God. I KNOW God is something very very good.This to me is something I don't have to think about, it is on cellular level, I just know very deeply that God is somethign extremely positive that I can trust unconditionally and that always works for my good.

I don't fear my teachers either, although they set me up and caused me tremendous suffering in a very real and hillariously comical way. It was all good. It was done with a very good intent and in a very benevolent way. They never ask me to do what I cannot.

I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS GOOD, that He means me well, and that we are friends. To me, God is like a good parent, I trust Him unconditionally and I believe that he always takes care of me in the most loving way. There is no fear whatsoever. God wants me to be happy and serve His Kingdom, and He always puts me exactly where I need to be.

And you with your fear are totally frozen. Your church propagates that fear, it teaches you fear, it wants you in fear, because then you are controllable, full of guilt, full of fear, very easy to manipulate. You can never think for yourself and you can never feel and follow your heart. So, you have to obey them. Easy.

You believe you feel something which you don't. In some ways, the feeling of love is waking up in you. For someone who is so entrenched into believing in fear, it is rather difficult to defrost and feel love and all the things it brings, like care, consideration, etc. You are an expert in all things based on fear - rejection, distance, pride, lies, hypocrisy, guilt, anxiety, etc.

What you thought was "love" wasn't really love because it wasn't enough to melt away the fear. One day you will love soemthing enough to actually move beyond fear. Like I love my cat.

persisting

2008-07-31T11:20:00.003-10:00

Two weeks ago, I was at the NMT class, which was too much for me - being in a room stuck with a bunch of asleep people just overpowered my ability to handle crowds. I just cannot do that anymore. Working by myself actually made me spoiled - I am used to peace and quiet. So, 2 days indoors in a small room with lots of people was just too much, I was exausted.

The week after that was a good week because I realized I was behind, so I put in effort to coach myself and then the week turned out well.

Then comes this week. I phoned my ex boyfriend, the religious fundamentalist, to see what he was up to, because I felt something nagging me. Well, he was up to praying DAILY for "my salvation" which he already promised several times he won't do. I told him to pray to his own salvation and leave me alone. Which he flat refused! He said that he cares for me so much that he has to pray for me, every day. I had to spend 5 mins convincing him to stop because I simply refuse to be the recipient of such "care" and I think that his "god" is a silly and rather deadly and evil human construction designed to keep people enslaved, just like himself; and that his "praying" is just a way to look good to himself, so no thanks, find something else to pray about. The net result feeling was that I was just exausted and rather scared, here is this stalker praying to put me into his christian bag and make me into a cookie cutter zombie like himself.

It takes some effort to overcome being involved with a crazy person like that, it has consequences in terms of getting them out of one's energy field.

So comes this week and having to overcome that feeling of having to deal with the consequences of my mistake of getting involved with this crazy person. Well, we move on! And quickly, since I am already over 40 and there is no time to waste with wrong boyfriends. Wrong boyfriends are deadly, because they are draining. There is no time for that.

BTW, in the view of what I realized regarding inner child last week, applies directly to all these "christians". This boyfriend ran away because "god" scolded him for trying to sleep without being married, and that's plainly stated in the Bible, so! This guy has done so MANY things that the Bible flat condems, and many things that my God would have trouble with. Bible says no divorce. It says love your neighbor as thyself. This guy violated Bible all the time - was estranged from his wife for years, divorced her, and so on. This guy violated what I would call "God" by being distant and non-loving, etc. To me, that is totally against God, which is about compassion, love, sharing, service, honesty, kindness, being present, being in the moment, etc.

So obviously, this fear of sex is something irrational that Christians have, and it must come from the childhood, where someone really scared the kid into believing that sex is soemthing dangerous that will be punished. And no wonder - if someone is so stupid to think that Hooters is interesting, they obviously have NO CLUE about sex at all and would get in trouble and thus better be regulated by an external authority, like church. And church surely exploits that... And of course, the cycle gets worse, because without any real "compass" inside, such people are totally left at the mercy of Hooters and such, which exploit the basic human urge covered with the sense of guilt and shame.

"Abstinence makes church grow fondlers."

What I learned from this "christian" is how they PRETEND that they do not feel anything that is "bad", so their whole life is a lie; and how vicious they are to keep the lie going. As I said, some persona inside really IS SCARED.

That persona inside is scared of coming close and being in the moment. The issue of sex is really not the issue. The main issue is that this guy has done pretty attrocious things in terms of not being honest and not being close, not working things out, not communicating with me, but always doing his own thing and alone. THAT is the issue. Which he is trying to get out of by having this wonderful exuse of Bible. There are other issues, such as love. He didn't really love me, he liked the idea of having something exotic far away and imagining how grand he is. Seems like this was not meant to be love anyways, when I look back, I did not love him fully (partially because he was distant and maybe because I would never love him anyways) and he is trying to save his face and get out with a "legit" exuse that makes him look good.

So what I concluded is that two people have to come to face each other fully, without any masks and pretenses, and then see if really there is a match. If there is, then details work out. If there isn't, then at least there is honest and amicable parting.

PS - it is impossible to deny oneself what one truly feels. The only thing a human being can do is be honest to oneself. Which is an art in itself and requires a LOT OF PRACTICE. WHich can *never* be found at church, and can be found only at the feet of a true spiritual teacher.

Communicating with the inner child

2008-07-28T13:36:00.003-10:00

In hawai'ian ho'oponopono practice, it is said that a human being has three parts:

the higher mind, called 'the father' - this mind communicates directly with God;

conscious mind, called "the mother" - this mind balances the checkbook, etc. AND it also has to initiate communication with the subconscious mind;

subconscious mind, called "the child" - this is the only one who can go to the higher mind and communicate back to the conscious mind.... The subconscious mind listens to EVERYTHING we say, do, feel, etc and takes notes... To it, it is all true...

So, conscious mind, the mother, has to WILLINGLY INITIATE communication with the higher mind, the father, by ASKING the subconscious mind, the child, to go to the father and talk with him and bring the answers back.

Wow - what a concept.... The conscious mind is not a monster, and it has to start the contact. This is the first step in ho'oponopono, or the mediation/forgiveness/cut the ties/move on practice. There is really no precise translation in English.

So, anyways, here I am, stuck in rush hour traffic by the surf beaches, and thinking about the massage I just had, which went very well, the person felt better. I remembered what my family ALWAYS REPEATED TO ME: that I don't have a clue about anything, that I am nobody, will never amount to anything, will fail in life miserably... And I contrasted that to the reality of me being good at what I do.

So, I said to my inner child: "See, they lied to you!" I had a feeling that something inside me was listening carefully. WEll, it always does, but this time I was aware of it :) So I continued: "your father lied to you." The kid actually could agree with my point, probably because it was obvious. I kept on going: "and your mother, and your aunty, uncle, grandma..." And the kid looked very HURT and snapped back at me: "Stop it!!! You are trashing my whole family and you cannot do that!!! They are my family and they are right!!!" The kid was defending them, in spite of what bad stuff they did, because the kid loved them and needed them and WAS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO FIT IN. So, if the adults said that she was incapable and will fail, she was ready to be that. She WAS that. She forced herself to be that.

I was astounded. I had to work more gently with that... I had to kinda adopt the kid all over. That helped. I felt much more peace. Somehow, all my need to prove myself, all the worries about being inadequate, all that - just disappeared...

A few days later, I was ranting and raving about something I didn't like, my conscious mind was raving madly, cursing at this or that. Suddenly, I had a definite feeling that my inner child was witnessing all that and was TOTALLY petrified. To it, I was mad, out of control, definitely not paying attention to it, and even capable of doing damage to it. I was stopped frozen in my tracks. My kid was basically witnessing a rampage into extreme negativity and violence and NEGLECT. To explain it some more, maybe it is energetically equivalent to rampages alcoholics or drug addicts can go on (although I have no clue about what that is like, I have never even seen it, I suspect that energetically it has the same "signature" of extreme negativity and self destruction).

In any case, I had a clear notion that my inner child thought I was insane and dangerous. I understood ... to the child, it was obvious that I wasn't following the rules of survival, and that my conscious mind will actually lead to disaster, and naturally, the child was scared. I dropped that attitude as a hot potato. I stopped it immediatelly and appologized. That helped... and there is more, I didn't really fix it yet.

Looking back, I was torturing myself the same way my family tortured me, and there is a long list of abuses to my inner child that I need to forgive myself for.

NMT experience

2008-07-22T02:05:00.003-10:00

After finishing my first class in neuromuscular therapy (which is basically trigger point therapy plus) with Judith DeLaney, author of many books on the subject, some things are clearer to me.

Background: people who have pain and/or problems are more likely to seek NMT, rather than just people looking for a relaxing massage hour. NMT is not necessarily always relaxing, as the trigger points can be painful. But, pressing them helps to reduce them, which makes the original pain go away... The trick is to find exactly which points are the major culprits. For example, trigger points in the neck cause headache. Pressing those trigger points hurts like hell - for a while - and then that pain goes away and headache goes away.

Trigger points are like contractile devices in human tissue. They do shorten/tighten the tissue and prevent it from stretching. When they are gone, the tissue can elongate to its normal size.

So, NMT is deeply changing structurally, i.e. it changes the way the human body is positioned in space. Therefore, it produces major inner change too, it makes the person "face themselves" in many ways. Rolfing has similar effects.

Seems to me that NMT can be the only solution for someone who has pain, esp. for a long time. All other techniques, like Bowen, etc. can be too "light" and not really produce the fine point work into releasing the trigger points. In other words, if the problem is mainly caused by some trigger points, they must be released or else there is no resolution.

****** The main thing that I concluded is that it is critical how well the therapist can "track" the client, and find exactly the right areas/lines/spots to work on.
Even if someone is trained in NMT or whatever other therapy, if they don't have that ability to "track" and solve problems, there will be no help. *******

After 2 days of being treated by NMT in this class, I came home with some issues resolved and feeling better, and some areas not worked on and feeling frustrated about the pain and tightness there (my partner just refused to work there much, for whatever reasons). Taking what was accomplished and relaxed, I came home and slept for about 8 hrs, woke up at 7:30am to take the car to the service; while waiting had some realizations that were pretty disturbing, came home at 10am and thought about it untill 11am and it was really disturbing, and then I slept till about 3pm, when finally I felt like myself again. Needless to say, I have never done this. Obviously, whatever I "saw" and the physical changes in me were so profound that my body and psyche needed to majorly rest.

In short, deep changes like these require careful handling, processing time afterwards, and some assistance of someone trained who can help us process.

Letter to some spa owners

2008-07-20T21:23:00.004-10:00

I went for an interview at a very fancy luxurious "vacation rental spa" kind of place which claimed they wanted to be a healing center. Based on what they were saying and how they treated me and the healing, I had high doubts if indeed it was going to be a healing center and not just a corporate vacation resort spa. I charged them my full price because I wanted to see if they are cheapskates like other spas, or really some kind of healing resort. I am done with spas and other cheap places like that. They are cheap in every way - what they pay, the quality of massage they provide, the healing atmosphere, the politics, etc. So this place failed the test, and below is my email response to them.

========================
Hi,

I was at your property twice and gave you massages. Somehow I displaced your cards and was corresponding with your employee X, who informed me that $120 per massage is too much to pay and that you will not need my services. It is ok that I don't work for you, I am doing fine on my own and am rather famous and getting even more famous, because my treatments are effective. Why I am writing to you now is to clear up some possible misunderstandings that your employee could have introduced. First, she got the price wrong, I charged $85. That price is phenomenally reasonable for at-home massage from a therapist of my caliber.

If indeed X is speaking for herself, then it is understandable from a person in her position. If not, then my point is very different.

To explain further, to me the bottom line is a good massage, and what makes it or breaks it is the massage therapist. That's the know-how. Bodywork is an art form. The therapist is the key to everything. Not the luxurious environment. It is the fundamental difference between looks and inner content, between what is materially visible and what is invisible and understanable only through the heart and the Higher Mind. In short, it is the major contention that the humanity deals with, either belief in the physical world of the ego or the spiritual world of God. Not to mention the therapeutic benefits - no luxurious environment will fix any pain, only a good massage can - and only a competent therapist can do that. A typical therepist provides one hour of relaxation, and that's it, and cannot really deeply affect anything. Some things can be transmitted only via live human contact. For that, the looks are totally irrelevant.

There are places where the looks is more important than the people who provide the service. I left the spa and resort world because those places are like that - they look luxurious but pay so little to everyone who works there. So, the service is actually low quality. The massage therapist is just yet another servant.

Only people who are not good enough to have private practice will go work for a spa. Because those are dead-end jobs - they pay so little that the massage therapist can never take classes and get better. Also, because such jobs don't really require good massage skills, but just being "nice" and rubbing someone, anyone nice can do them and really doesn't have to be any good. I have seen just a few somewhat decent massages in resort spas. Honestly.
Also, in spa massages, no real healing is required. It is a corporate environment where you walk in, someone rubs you, and then you walk out. Deep conversation, personal Inner Work, and all that are definitely not expected. And, no results is expected.

Of course! When the therapist is paid 35$ per hour minus tax. What else can be expected?

That's why the Lady Owner was amazed that I made her back feel better. She said that nobody ever made it feel that good. Have you ever wondered how come, after working in spas for so long, nobody could actually fix it? How much training did they have, how much money did they make, and how much continuous education did they go for; and what kind of cases did they work on in their practice? A typical spa therapist can give only shallow answers to any of these questions.

So, I came to your location really wondering if it is a "spa" or not, and would I want to work there or not. I am a healer, a genuine Native trained person, extremely well trained, with a lot of experience, having 99% successes with helping difficult conditions, and constantly learning. I want to work only in places that are Real. I want to learn and grow.
Since I worked on you, I already took: classes with Vladimir Janda and Carel Lewitt (about 300$), Bowen therapy (425$ and 2 days of no work, twice), Inner Work weekend in Seattle with famous author Jacob Needleman (450$ and 4 days of no work), lomilomi with a local kumu (200$), rolfing (150$), neuromuscular therapy with a famous author ($350), and so on. There is a lot more I do. I am more knowledgeable and more effective, every day.

Of course, that is possible because I get paid accordingly. I get paid well. The service I provide is of high caliber, so I get paid well. That's the bottom line.

If you want good service, you have to pay for it. We always get what we pay for.

Anyone cheap cannot possibly be good, period. If you want "the best" therapists, then you should be ready to pay accordingly. "The best" therapists for cheap price are questionably "best."

As for me, I increased my prices. A rolfer charges 125$ for one hour at their location. For me to have to drive for one hour massage is 3 hours project, plus gas. I better be paid for my time. I am very good at what I do. If I were someone mediocre scrambling to work just anywhere and be happy with peanuts, I could have worked for a spa. They book several massages in a row and also provide medical benefits. But why bother with that? I am so good, I can choose. People are vying for my services because I can actually help them. Someone without any issues might be happy to go to any therapists, but if someone really needs help, on any level, they have to come to someone like me. There are very very few people like me. Someone like me is extremely rare and thus extremely valuable.

Have a nice summer,
Milica

BTW, this email is copyrighted 2008 by Milica Barjaktarovic. It contains some powerful ideas that are being published.

neuromuscular therapy (NMT)

2008-07-19T22:55:00.002-10:00

I attended an NMT class and the results are amazing.

Finally a bigger picture is emerging.

A lot of massage therapists just basic Swedish massage, as relaxation massage, or some light version of therapeutic massage. Yeah, it can feel good, but when you get up, you are the same old you.

Rolfers seem to know the "canned" 10 sessions that remold the whole body. Many of them do not know how to work with someone in smaller more focused chunks, e.g in case of injuries and pain. I love rolfing for its ability to remold the body. That is the way to go. Make real, true change. But how to do that for each person individually.

Chiropractors typically yank bones around using high velocity, high impact. When muscles are tight, they pull those bones right back out again. Very often we feel pain in area X but the problem is in area Y, and yes, often the pinched spinal nerves are a problem, BUT the nerves are often pinched because muscles are tight. Just working on the spine is often not enough, there are LOTS MORE muscles and connective tissue that can be related. So, a chiropractic adjustment will typically not work on someone who is full of trigger points.

Bowen therapy also doesn't work on people full of trigger points. I tried it. After one day in Bowen intro class, my neck was feeling better, but my old foot injury was hurting. If one day of learning Bowen can do that to someone, then it is not really a safe technique. Also, my neck didn't really change at all structurally, it just was more relaxed. I use Bowen to relax people whose muscles are really really tight. Then I use some more deeper, structurally changing technique.

Cranio sacral therapy also doesn't get rid of trigger points and tightness. WHen there are trigger points, the CST cannot really fully work. It sort of assumes a body that is relatively ironed out to begin with. Again, sometimes it is makes a wonderful relaxing entry into deeper, structurally changing work.

The way I was taught shiatsu didn't include injuries and pain much. Lomi practitioners and teachers are often the same way.

NMT seems to work, because it changes things deeply. It is dangerous too! Therapists can exert pressure to wrong places and hurt people. Therefore, this line of work requires a lot more training, like rolfing. It is more along medical lines. People who will seek such treatments are more likely to be in pain and thus more vulnerable to being injured.

reasons to run away from God

2008-07-19T22:52:00.001-10:00

SOme personal things kept me very aware this week, I just finished a bout of black comedy. Working dilligently on the assignment of my friend Dr. Todd, I tried to have a relationship with a willing guy, who is - a devout Christian. Well, Dear Lord Jesus talked to him and told him that he is very displeased about sleeping before marriage, and the guy got majorly scared and ran away as fast as he could... that should be a good scene for a movie.

Seems like such species will use Church as an excuse. To them, God is like a Big Daddy, that one must appease in order to save one's ass. Those people live in fear that God will get them. So they try to be "good." They *pretend* they ARE "good." It is very delusional and very immature.

Which made me ponder about my own beliefs. As an atheist, seems like I downplay God and do whatever I want, and then remember that there must be something that can bail me out and then expect God to fix it and take care of me. Which is also immature.

The only valid relationship with God is something which is responsible and responsive - where I do my part to the best of my ability and keep communication open and collaborate with the Divine Friend Father Mother God, the Great Creator, the Great Mystery.

There is nothing as scary as working together with God. That meditation time seems like going into anihilation and we try to avoid it at any cost, run away into - whatever - get a cup of coffee, work hard, sleep, become a devout Christian, try hard to get enlightened, etc.

So, when we do our daily mediatition asking God to help us see ourselves clearly, we need to expect this. There is a part of us that wants to find a good excuse and run away. Any excuse is a good excuse to run away.

Can I have the strength, the courage, the tenacity, to let myself have my ego exposed to me? Can I have the strength, the courage, the tenacity, to just stay there and meet God?

Try it... after you meditated for a long long time and are ready. Good luck.

What is God like?

2008-07-15T10:46:00.002-10:00

I just parted ways with an aspiring boyfriend, let's call him S, who is a Born Again Christian. His idea of the world is based on sin, guilt, fear, and some kind of "love of god" that I don't really get because God is shown as ravengeful punishing thing that one must fear and appease. So, S. is trying to be "good" so that this "god" won't smack him. S. is deeply, emotionally, at the core of his being very afraid of God and actually has physical reactions out of that fear. It stops him from living his life. In short, S. (and most church goers) have a very immature idea of God as a "big daddy" that will punish them and thus rules them by fear.

I come from atheist background from a family that believes that "there is Something, but not like god from church". Unfortunately, we never explored further this Something. Unfortunately, then my own belief in God was rather immature too - I can do whatever I want and God is supposed to fix it all and keep me safe, happy, etc.

A mature relationship with God is more on equal level. Well, not really equal, because God is certainly not equal :) I mean, on a level where we willingly cooperate. I do the things that I need to do, and God provides. Me and God talk it over, I get instructions and guidance, I provide feedback as to how things are going, I have some say, etc. and I do it.

How do I know which things I need to do? That's a very good question :) The answer is only in meditation. Daily meditation.

========
As for the aspiring boyfriend: he tried for 2 years to convert me. He tried to pretend he wasn't this "christian" thing and he never fully showed it, but he tried to convert me to his side, which I think is plain stupid. Religious fundamentalism is definitely soemthing that caused and still causes a lot of grief on this planet, and S. is a good example of that. His life is unhappy and clogged up, frozen, to the point of not functioning as a normal healthy human being would, and also always lieing, feeling guilty, suffering, trying to cover up his tracks, etc. What kind of "god" is that?

God wants us free, open, loving, compassionate, contributing, warm, productive, happy, healthy, and all that. He wants us to care for the world. If we dont do service and care - and this is not necessarily "mother Theresa" kind of service - then we are not following God.
OUR MAIN SERVICE IS BY BEING HONEST TO OURSELVES, FREE FROM MEGATIVE EMOTIONS, POSITIVE, CHEERFUL, AND DOING OUR DUTIES WILLINGLY AND ENTHUSIASTICALLY, CARING FOR WHATEVER IS UNDER OUR CARE, WORKING FOR SOMETHING MUCH HIGHER THAN OUR OWN LITTLE ASS. As simple as that.

When people do not have the consciousness to udnerstand finer things, they make this very crude and low, they make it into rules and morals, fear, guilt, etc. That's their level of understanding... The only way is to increase the consciousness, the awareness, the maturity.

Healing effect of music

2008-06-28T22:58:00.002-10:00

Adam Gyorgy gave a concert here in Hawaii, in a chappel, on Ocean shore by tiki torches, palm trees and Ocean gently splashing...

The concert was fabulous - Gyorgy has ***such*** a good touch, the notes just come
out like a stream of water under moonlight, it just flows... Every note crystal
clear and with some kind of pure intent... He is very young and some of that innocence, joy and whatever else is just felt in what he is playing, it just is so ... gentle.

I could just feel my heart opening and becoming warm and fuzzy and me feeling normal
again.... It feels like flying.

http://www.imeem.com/groups/DbNL0PrK/music/tOrMJR1B/adam_gyorgy_ii_hungarian_rhapsody/

ps - he is from and lives in Budapest.

PPS - And, classical music is proven to reduce blood pressure by 20%... A local surgeon played it before every surgery with great results...

is Santa real?

2008-06-22T23:17:00.002-10:00

My 8-yr old client asked me: is Santa real?

I said: hm, I cannot tell you and ruin it for you. You need to find out for yourself.

She said: well then, I don't think Santa is real. Me and my siblings got tons of gifts from Santa, and mom and dad got like only one gift. So Santa cannot be real.

I said: wow, that's very wise. Indeed, if Santa is so partial, then something is fishy. Some adults say that he is not real, but even then, whatever exists in our imagination is real.

negative pleasure

2008-06-22T22:53:00.003-10:00

Sometimes I feel like an alien visiting Earth, because a lot that happens here is very strange to me. Of course I am just like anyone else, with all the negative emotions, being asleep, and so on, however somehow I am wired somewhat differently, I still Remember and try to Try, and that's the only reason I can be a healer :) A lot of effort is required to do Inner Work, to observe externally and internally.

So here I am, "freshly arrived to Earth" and noticing how life on Earth has a lot to do with suffering. It seems like any time things start moving towards being more conscious, there is something that will try to squish it and bring it back into the suffering state. No organizations love true creativity and self identity, because it means chaos in the "normal" sense of word. So, schools, families, churches, companies, etc. all try to keep enjoyment in check.

But then I realized that EACH human does it to themselves!!!! Everyone tries to complicate their life to the point where it gets all muddy and suffering. Amazing... Pleasure is a no-no. Clarity, simplicity, etc. are all *intentionally and actively* AVOIDED.
(Of course, it is easy to notice something like this when others do it. But how about me? I need to observe myself.)

Phoenicia Pathwork Lectures talk about "negative pleasure". Other spiritual teachings talk about it too. Basically, an unhealed human being takes pleasure in negativity. Gurdjieff calls it "enjoying touching the sore place in our mouth with our tongue."

Negativity is what we are used too... that's what we are trained in, by all the asleep adults that we grow up with. The bad habits just get passed on. Gurdjieff talks about that, and how for us to see ourselves and all our lies and negativity would make us stark mad => and only the process of self observation peels off all that, and it takes time...

Also, when we try to wake up our consciousness a little, all our old habits "wake up" too and try to bring us back into the negative state. Yogananda talks about that.

So what is the solution? Yogananda said:

"First, you need to understand the forces you have to contend with. Every action you perform - physically or mentally - leaves a trace on your mind. Yoga calls them samsaras - the habit-tendencies or predisposed moods created by the things you have already done, whether in this life or previous incarnation. Whenever you try to break out of the mold and accomplish something constructive or new, immediatelly your past wrong actions try to nullify your present good efforts. But if you keep on trying, and concentrating, that power of concentrated thought will obvert your past actions that are trying to keep you down."

The key is MEDITATION. That's concentration to connect with God. God is the only being that has the solution for our wholeness. Ask and ye shall receive.

Movement Therapy

2008-06-22T21:22:00.006-10:00

This weekend there was two classes by a famous West African dancer, Abdul Kamara (hopefully the spelling of his last name is correct). Anyways, he is a fabulous dancer, with a spine that ondulates and moves fluidly; his whole body moves in a way that is extremely elegant and graceful. It is a combination of flexibility, muscle strength, and grace. African dance is like that. It is healing.

The sound of drums is also quite hypnotic, and puts one into a different space, where we cannot "think" in an ordinary sense. In that space, we have to Think and be Aware and yet totally Surrender. The dance is such that it is possible to do it only when we Think with something Higher inside us, when we are totally Alert yet completely Relaxed. It just flows... being in the moment.

I had such experiences today, and it was amazing to fall into that groove. That groove is something that is our birthright. It is an active yet meditative state. The state in which everything is clear and every moment lasts an eternity. Have you experienced such states?

What I experienced today was that feeling of turning the control to the body for the things it knows how to do - it knows how to jump, move, turn, etc.. The mind just interferes when it tries to control the body. In our ordinary life, the mind interferes a lot. That's why we don't move our bodies properly and that's why we end up with pain.

Another thing I experienced today was operating without that control of that ego that always thinks, judges, calculates, etc. My mind was very active, yet quiet, allowing me to do all the acrobatics necessary for the dance and to enjoy it.
It felt like I was flying on the drum music, like a kite on the wind made by the notes. I could feel the drum music inside me and It was moving me. I didn't have to think - my body knew exactly how to move with that music. The Thinking that was happening was just to tell me: ok, now the coreography says we move left and turn twice. But it wasn't "thinking" in a regular sense. It was more like ... some inner coach that was very discreet and quiet and accurate. And then I felt the music and moved with it.

The feeling was of being inside my body. I know it sounds rather strange to think so highly of being inside one's body, but: when was the last time you were inside your body? It's not something that happens all the time! Most of the time, we are stuck in our head. So, being in my body today felt marvelous.

So, feeling inside my body, it felt like I was occupying an enourmous amount of space. What I noticed is that my world view shifted: instead of constantly monitoring my environment for external threat and danger, I was on the inside of my body and staying there. My attention was inside me and outside of me, not only outside. That is a subtle but important difference. I was PRESENT.

And since I was Present, everything felt different. The sense of space, sound, other people, etc. - everything became more enhanced, more vivid, and somehow closer yet the space became much much larger.

I was just dancing for the sheer joy of it. I didn't care what I looked, what other people thought, I just *d*a*n*c*e*d, moving my body and enjyoing the sense of freedom in my whole being.

It is very difficult to describe this - just go out and do it. Try dancing with the drums and totally relax into it, and you will find out what I mean.

Watch "The Visitor" movie to see what drums does to stiffness :)

Being in tune with God

2008-06-19T09:28:00.002-10:00

I was feeling rather ruffled, and then I went to the Ocean and said: I am insane, I have fallen off track with God and it feels awful. I need to get in touch again with God, please.

Then I had to drive off to work.

Later in the day, I begun to notice all the beautiful things around me. I noticed the flowers, the people, the sky, and I was feeling joyous and happy and enjoying it all. Someone sent me photos of hummingirds and it made me squeel in joy, they were soooo cute! Little puff balls perched on flowers....

I came home and realized that my prayer has been answered. Something did get me in touch with God, and I was feeling rapture, joy, appreciation, bliss, gratitude, and all that.

How close prayers are.... just ASK.

Bowen therapy, shiatsu, etc.

2008-06-02T22:05:00.002-10:00

I went to a beginners' class in Bowen therapy. It is a form of bodywork that is supposed to be very helpful and relaxing. It looks like strumming over tight muscles and tendons, like you would pluck a guitar string. Can you picture it?

Anyways, the class was 2 days. I came in with a pain in my shoulder and otherwise feeling fine. The shoulder felt better. But my foot started hurting. Something got out of place while people were practicing Bowen on me. The instructor worked on my foot, and it did feel better, for about several hours.

A kind of modality where a beginners' class can make one hurt is not really safe, in my opinon. Perhaps the inventor of Bowen therapy was God guided, so he knew what he was doing, but a general "canned" Bowen session obviously can be harmful.

The foot pain got worse, it stayed for a week. UNTIL I worked on my pelvis and really **stretched** it. The pain was coming from the pelvis, not from the foot. As my lomi teacher already demonstrated - she worked on my pelvis and in 10 minutes I was pain free FOR GOOD, after 1 yr of limping...

It seems to me that no bodywork really works without stretching....

The shoulder pain that Bowen kinda subdued really didn't go away. (Remember, a chiropractor yanked my neck and injured me.) I showed a friend a few shiatsu moves with stretching and pressing into tight areas. My friend said that I had a hard ball, "like a cyst" in the shoulder, and he really pressed into some key areas, as I guided him, all the way down my back. Then I showed him how to stretch the arm. Basically, he did on me what I'd do on someone else. After that work voila! my shoulder felt completely different, everything went back into place, the tissue had a different quality, more even, and I felt GREAT.

In working with people, I am beginning to see certain patterns.

First, some problems do need to be addressed with rolfing-like moves. If it is deeply tight, etc. Some problems need to be stretched - I suppose almost anything. Some need to be gently melted. I find Bowen useful to start relaxing very tight areas. I also find that going in with shiatsu/rolfing moves really resolves the problem, instead of just feeling relief for a while.

And that brings me to the next point: deep tissue work is more life changing than just Bowen. Bowen seems to work on people who cannot stand inner work and being challenged.

Which is ok - I use it on children, on elderly, and on people who are not very spiritual. Also, anyone with really really tight areas.

Shiatsu and lomi have been around for a very very long time, they are true and tested, and I can see why. It really works.

big vs small business

2008-05-12T14:21:00.003-10:00

Yesterday I went to "swap meet" which is a huge ourdoor shopping area in a parking lot of a local stadium. Local small vendors sell all kinds of things, from junk plastic to clothing to gold. Each vendor sets their own small tent and sells. There is no "quality control" or anything like that. The prices, of course, are lower than in big shops.

I was there with a friend who sells jewelery, promoting my business, treating it as a huge "expo". Eventually, I had a free minute and visited the next door booth, where a young and rather sharp Chinese-American lady (a business major from the local university) sold coral and turquoise necklaces.

There were some neclaces that looked like died imitation, and I asked her about it and she said yes, that wasn't real. I asked her if the rest are real coral, and where did she get it from? She said it came from China, where supposedly there is lots of it. (I cannot remember what she said - maybe bamboo coral?)

There were some necklaces that looked like red coral, which I need to get, so I asked her if those were red coral? She said YES, they ARE read coral. I asked her how much? She said $35 but she can give it to me for $20.

Then I went to get a friend who has a booth with jewelery. My friend asked a few questions and the saleslady said that indeed, the coral was not red, it was just died. So, she lied to me.

So, that's why naturally a lot of people gravitate towards true-and-tested BIG CORPORATIONS. There are standards ensuring a certain level of quality.

So, it probably starts like a little vendor like the one I dealt with, but a vendor with better business ethics and skills, plus the talent to manage others and typically pay them little, and make profits that way. Most people are mediocre and cannot lead but are forced into working for someone else.

Which explains the spa situation. Although the spa pays VERY LITTLE to massage therapists and thus gets only schmuk (as long as they are well groomed - but even that is not obligatory! I have seen spas with very bad looking and bad dressed therapists...), people will go there because at least they know it **should be** clean, etc.

Well... I have seen dirty spas too. I have seen a spa - owned by a rather fancy name in a rather fancy hotel in a rather fancy location - where the door knob was CAKED solid with dirt from oily hands, etc. Dust under the table. Dust on the silk plants. Garbage in the flower pots. They never cleaned the place... But people paid $150 for less than 50 mins of massage. Because? they THOUGHT that a spa should be....

not knowing

2008-05-08T02:39:00.002-10:00

Today (Wed) a woman called me, and her neck was in pain. She wanted an appointment on Friday during the day, it was her day off. I could see her Wed, Th or Fr at 7:30pm, because I had other clients, because I am going to be taking Bowen therapy class, and because my building is being remodeled till 6pm. I tried to explain all that and offer her appointment for the next evening (somehow I forgot about the same evening and she didn't ask for it). But she did not want to drive at night. Fine. Friday was her day off and she didn't want to wait all day for the massage either. I told her that I don't know too many people who can fix necks, and I have done it before. So she said she will find someone for this Friday and asked me if she can see me NEXT Saturday. I said no, that's my vacation. I am going to the African drum and dance camp, once every two years. She didn't ask for any other days and brushed me off rather loudly saying that I was "busy" and she will keep on looking. Well, good luck to her. Later I remembered I forgot to say that I could see her on Sunday afternoon.

For me, it was interesting to observe how unwilling I was to compromise. That's influence of my ex-boyfriend, who recently showed up after 7 months and wants to resume where he left off, and I am kicking and screaming. He didn't show up with flowers and I do not like it.

The incident with the woman showed me that it was time to ditch the guy. In life, there is only limited energy, and we have to use it wisely, by hanging out with people who support us and nurture us. If a close associate is draining, then forget it, it is not worth it. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, as this woman shows.

Sometimes we just need to be realistic and see it for what it is. At this point, I have no idea what I am seeing - am I too rude and impatient, am I just protecting myself (that would be an accomplishment) or what. The only thing that I do know is that when conversations like with this woman happen, I am not in a good space and must change asap.

In massage business, some people expect pampering. I don't really give too much of it in terms of bending over to kiss their shoes. If they want it, they want it, I am nice, if they don't - well, good luck, wherever you are going! This woman wanted something I could not give her, because I was totally drained by this guy who makes me feel like I am fighting windmills - evertything is a struggle. I was not willing to patiently talk with the woman and help her decide and negotiate with me. Oh well...

Love is necessary like food or air

2008-05-05T12:15:00.004-10:00

I think a whole web page on relationships is in order. Relationships are very much related to our health, healing, and happiness.

Last month, my ex-boyfriend tried to come back, after 7 months of absence. In such cases, one needs to "show up with flowers" and he didn't. Needless to say, I just chased him away. He kept on coming back, without flowers, and I kept on shooing him away.

It lasted for 1.5 months. During that time, I was totally disoriented. Here is this person who is supposed to love me, and on some level he does, I can feel that; but he doesn't show it in practical life and in relating to me. So, he is out, as simple as that.

So, I was rather stuck. In retrospect, the understanding that we have here in Hawaii about relationships and relating is very much in aloha spirit, and we take it for granted. Compassion, consideration, forgiveness, kindness, harmony, etc. are all ingrained. My ex is a Minnesota church-going "stiff white male" ridden with certain guilt and stiffness, and lives in S. California, the land of greed, grabbing, and competiton. He is super responsible and hard working, but unaware of what makes aloha aloha. He is happy when it is there and suffers when it's not there, but is not aware of what makes it so.

When there is aloha, it feels good! When there is no aloha, there is no life! As simple as that.

We talked about it. Explaining aloha is rather easy, actually. Every competent self-help modality and spiritual literature spells out aloha. It is extremely simple: always be sincere, be kind, etc. We tried practicing it. It works. It is a wonderful sense of opening, being able to breathe again, connect with All Life. It has a refreshing effect on everything.

What we practiced is "marriage yoga", the highest form of yoga. Can I still be kind etc. when I am invested in wanting something - wanting the other person to "love me" and give me their attention in the way I want - can I still be kind and selfless?

This fear that prevents us from Connecting.

Am I willing to be willing to expose my ego to myself?

just say no to "discounted" massage

2008-04-27T12:26:00.004-10:00

In the last several days, I got two phone calls from people from the continental USA who wanted a discount on their massages because I was going to be there for several massages. I gave them 5$ off. They asked for more.

I simply said no. If they want a good massage, then they should pay for the quality. My education costs a lot of money - each class is 4-5 days of lost income because I cannot work during that time, plus about 800$ just for the class... Even a simple weekend class is at least $350. So - if you want good massage, you need a trained therapist, and that costs money...

I could have said: sure, I will just work for less time, maybe 45 mins instead of 60 minutes. Is that ok? And then they could have decided what to do. I didn't do that, though, and that woman will not call back. Fine. She can find someone else to rip off. I wonder if she bargained with the restaurants, with vacation rental place, with the car rental place, etc.?

What are they thinking? One woman said that she just came back from Mexico and paid $45 for massage there, so that's what she wants to pay here. Good luck... They are renting 800$ per night vacation rentals on the beach, and they have no trouble with that; they are paying for restaurants, clothes, etc., they would pay to a chirporactor or a medical doctor, but they cannot pay for a massage?

It's the matter of priorities, don't you think?

For me, if someone wants my service, I will do a good service, and I expect a good pay. As simple as that. There is a certain dignity about it.

Also, people think I am some kind of a spa... People from the continental USA are used to commercialism and many cannot tell what is real and what isn't. Those who have problems that needed fixing probably tried various options and concluded what works, and will go to a "hole in the wall" for a good massage, and will pay for it honestly.

The trick is the massage, not the environment. Of course, the environment needs to be nice. But the massage therapist is the main ingredient. A tourist woman asked me over the phone to tell her more about my facility. I told her that it is a hole in the wall with a super good massage!
Obviously, she does not get massages and has no clue what she is shopping for. I didn't do a good job of educating her, though :)

Those who have no clue will go to a spa and pay 150$ for a spa massage, known as "rubbing lotion in." It's not a therapeutic massage, and often, not even relaxing because it doesn't feel right. But - some people cannot tell! Or they need the experience of ravishing in the luxury. So they go there. Fine. Some mediocre massage therapists need to make a living. Spas employ those who are not good enough and/or do not know business and thus cannot make a living on their own.

I am diving in

2008-04-25T20:28:00.002-10:00

This is a message I sent to a friend of mine who used to belong and still goes to a very fundamentalist Christian church, and yet has started a whole series of Native classes which include shamanic journeying.

FWD:
Do you understand: you have already made some steps on a Path, reached a fork in the road, and cannot go back now. You cannot have your old Church bsing and this new life of being alive and aware. It is not possible. You will have to leave your ENTIRE old life. You cannot go back and sit in that dogmatic church and "train in bsing". Every minute there is putting yourself back into prison of your small mind. That church has a little bit of truth to reel you in, and then lays it heavy into being asleep.

Also, you are leaving the Native program as well. Doing those "under the tree" shamanic trips and all that is another form of "church", fooling around with the Sacred. That school is yet another stepping stone, a whole bunch of useful awareness tools and practices, but not a Mystery School.

What you Asked for is to Become an Initiate, and for that, you will have to dive in stark naked, like Beowolf.

For that, there is no external box that you can put yourself into and identify yourself with. It is scary.
You meet yourself as you really are and you actually live your life from that.

How I can help everything is by me jumping in for myself. This whole email was just to make me see what *I* need to do. It was an email to myself.

There are no answers, only questions.

I am diving in.

gratitude and thanksgiving

2008-04-20T19:25:00.004-10:00

Yoganada deswcribes spiritual laws of abundance as based on THANSKGIVING AND GRATITUDE.

He says that Universe always fills in channels that are open. We show we are open by prayer, appreciation, gratitude, thanksgiving.

Most people are like beggars to God: oh, God, please give me a new car! an easy job! a better mate! make me look good! make me rich! make me healthy! and so on.... We just beg beg beg. Which is kinda ok when we are in trouble, isn't it :) But we are not 100% in trouble for 100% of time. There are moments, always, which are precious.

Can we remember to also give thanks for what we have?

This is one thing that I learned in the USA. When my parents were visiting here, it was obvious that they very very seldom gave thanks. They mostly complained, critized, and demanded. Moments of gratitude were there, like my father smelling the flowers on the way from the beach. Those moments increased as they stayed here longer. Something changed...

To me, gratitude was something I had to learn as an adult. It is a Native American custom, and spiritual custom, and it took me a long time to stop complaining only. Perhaps because now I live the life I love, it is easier, and perhaps that life came because I was thankful and appreciative and led to make decisions based on LOVE. I love Hawaii, the Ocean, healing work,... It is a very deep love and I have no shame about it, I just go for it. When you love like that, then things happen.

Can we dare to love what we love?

clients with more issues than usual

2008-04-19T15:36:00.004-10:00

Ok, so I am a lomilomi practitioner, and whoever comes to me for help - needs help. I deal with cranky injured people in pain, tired and snappy preganant ladies, overstressed workers, happy relaxed people on vacation burned to the crisp and then saltied up, and everything in between.

Everyone has some issues. Some people have more issues than usual. Those show up rarely and one wonders what's going on. This week my ex-boyfriend is (unsuccessfully) trying to come back, so perhaps I am miffed and attracting some types that I usually would never even meet.

This week, two cases of unusual clients:
Case 1: a middle-age gentleman made an appointment for his wife. It was their anniversary. So, they went horse back riding, then ate lunch, then showed up in my office. It was hot outside. I asked them if they were thirsty and gave them some water and we chatted a little. The neighborhood dog barked and one of the neighbors yelled hi at someone across the street, JUST as we were sitting. She said he pays the bills and she stays home and is on her feet a lot. I asked her about injuries or pain? She said: none. But then looked and her husband and asked him what he thought, if she had any pain?
He was looking around, at my picture of Paramahansa Yogananda, asking me where my accent was from. He mumbled something in answer to his wife and then asked her if she would be comfortable getting a massage here, dog barking, etc.?
She said yes, why? it is nice and breezy, the music is nice,...
He said more loudly and sternly: but would you be comfortable?
She picked his hint and jumped in: well, my stomach is full, we just ate, that's the only thing...
I said: well, if you want to do something else, that's fine with me. Since you made an appoitnment without knowing me, I won't take it personally. Talk about it and let me know.
So I went out of the room and they talked, and then HE said that her stomach was too full and she would rather leave. As she was leaving, she was saying: well, in one hour I'd take you up on it... And I was thinking: wow, you still want me to think you are so nice? I don't think so.
They left me some change (because *I said they took my time) and left.

This is the first time something like this ever happened to me.
Later I thought: EVERYTHING about MY WORK is on that web site, and he spoke with me over the phone several times. Yes, the neighborhood dog and a small office is not on the web site. So, if someone cannot stand my small office and picture of Paramahansa Yogananda and occasional bark, then.... Then they are not supposed to be here! I must say that as soon as they left, the neighborhood became quiet, which is typical.

So, should I have said to them: pay 65$ and feel free to leave any time, since you are cancelling at the last minute.

They didn't really inconvenience me too much because I had clients just before them, so it was ok, I didn't have to make a special trip.

However, as a healer, maybe I should have, because that teaches them responsibility and taking care of others. The husband saw my web site and talked with me over the phone several times.

As my business grows, I will have to be much more strict and deal with such rudes very sternly. That's the only way. Being polite and firm.

On the other hand, everyone gets what they need. They got as much healing as they could handle. it was a miniature healing session, where they could see themselves.

She said he pays the bills and she stays home. He looked, behaved and talked like a control freak. Something was strange about his eyes. They were ... hm? slanted and mean. I don't know if he felt me not really liking him, and that made him bail. I don't know. It felt as if sitting there sipping the glass of water I gave them made him unconfortable, as if this small act of kindness was ruining some strange belief they, esp. he, had. Also, it definitely felt as if the woman was on his strings. Whatever he said, she did.

On my end, I need to be much more careful about people like these and make sure that I protect my interests. If they went to lunch just before massage, and still showed up for massage, that's their problem.... They are still obliged to pay me for that hour. However, if they show up and say they don't like my office, they are free to walk away. I also can refuse to treat anyone I am not comfortable with. It goes both ways...

=================
Case 2: this happened earlier in the week. A hotel gave my number to their guest. He called, then cancelled, then called again literally on 45min notice. I did have (only) that hour free, so I rushed to get there, skipping lunch. He said he needed maintenance massage, nothing to fix, but his lower back was bothering him. Then he said he doesn't need his arms or neck massaged. That's the first warning sign... So - I massaged his back, legs, paying attention to lower back, then flipped him over, worked on legs, and then some chest and shoulders and ended doing cranio-sacral therapy on the head.

He was very relaxed and asleep at the end. He got up, said I really worked his lower back well. Then he said that the "last 15 mins of massage were useless, it is relaxing to work on the chest and head but it doesn't do anything, the time should have been spent on the legs and back." He gave me a "friendly suggestion" to skip those parts in the future, they are "irrelevant."
???? Then he said that "in his youth he did massages and in his hands felt like he did a good job."
I said: I kept on asking you how you were doing, why didn't you tell me that you needed more on your legs? I also explained the muscular structure, how the chest needs to widen in order for the neck to fit in, how the neck muscles go all the way to the lower back, how the tense liver points between the ribs raised his shoulder tops, etc. He just looked at me in amazement and muttered: yes, back muscles are pretty big...
In myself, I thought: and you claim you have massages once per month and cannot communicate your preferences??? and how could you even possibly estimate the time correctly, being half asleep? In fact, I worked on the last parts for 10 mins and the last 5 mins of that was OVERTIME. You don't appreciate me going an extra mile? And certainly not the fact that your lower back feels better although I had to be totally inventive and make it happen without working on your neck??? And, you have no idea about massage but feel free to tell me what to do? How do you know people liked your massage back then? and other thoughts went through my head as it became clear to me I was dealing with a total asleep, ignorant person. He didn't give me any tip, and as he was giving me the money he repeated that the last 15 mins was useless. I said bye, have a nice day, and left quickly.

========
In conclusion: everyone who needs therapeutic help has some issues. Everyone gets what the treatment they need. "Know it all" probably tells everyone what to do, and maybe I am one of the few if not the only one who actually spoke back. The "suspicious husband" correctly sensed that staying around Yogananda at al would have changed his life, and he refused, but at least he got to see himself and his wife in action.

There is no telling what the healing will do. As I said, I am not a massage therapist, but much more than that, massage is just one part of what I do. It is impossible to tell what shape the healing will take, because it is not in my hands, but God's. In any case:

EVERYONE GETS THE HEALING THEY WERE MEANT TO GET. Including the therapist!