Saturday, September 27, 2008

Relationships and marriage yoga

I told my mother that the "christian" guy who wanted to be my boyfriend quit in a jiffy when we started talking about our views of God, and he claimed that Jesus is THE ONLY way to God, and that Bible is totally correct and true verbatim, and that Jesus died for our sins, and that there is nothing we can do to further in life but pray.

I said that God loves equally Chritians and Buddhists and everyone else, that there are many paths depending on our own personal growth and inclinations, and we are free to pick the path that seems best to us. That we have to put in a lot of effort into our own Inner Growth, as well as prayer and meditation. And that some paths are shorter, some are longer, some are dead end, and this churchian path is definitely dead end. One has to start bushwacking out of that muck towards some real trail....

My mother, in one of her very clear moments of total and complete lucid humanity and compassion, said:

the real Jesus would be crying if he knew what this guy is doing.
Such intolerant, closed, icky beliefs are from dark ages and have no place in 21st century, with the Earth becoming one little village and everyone is our brother and sister, and we are all becoming a little more conscious and compassionate every day.

She also made some other comments about our own religion, serbian orthodox christianity, and said that we have been lucky because it is rather "loose", there are lots of choices and very little brainwashing, and there is no sense of guilt, fear, etc. . Whereas the western forms of christianity tend to be severe and very limiting, and work on guilt and fear. Yes, they are successful in terms of money and power, aren't they. It says a lot about people of the world.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Common spiritual beliefs are basis for any relationshiop

A churchian trying to get me to date him:
"I cannot accept that there are many paths to God. When I was a young man, searching, I thought there was. For me there is no compromise on this issue. You feel the same about there being many paths. I choose Jesus Christ as the only way to God. That means that I trust that what the Bible says is true and that I cannot earn my way to heaven. Jesus paid the price our salvation."

This is interesting - because this is something that men and woman of today have to negotiate. The old times are over... Now we are all free to write our own contracts. In relationship, there is sexual attraction and companionship and that certainly glues people together, because it makes everyone a little more forgiving and willing to move towards each other and come close.

However, everything is always based on common spiritual beliefs. That's alpha and omega of every relationship.

My answer to this churchian:
HOW THE HECK DO YOU PLAN TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE FREE AND OUTSIDE OF THE BOX, SOMEONE WHO INTENDS TO WAKE UP AND TRAVEL FAR ALL THE WAY TO GOD?

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHOSE WHOLE LIFE IS BASED ON INNER WORK - AND YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS BASED ON STICKING TO YOUR DOGMAS AND LIEING, CHEATING AND STEALING TO KEEP THOSE ILLUSIONS ALIVE, KEEPING IT PRETTY SINCE JESUS ALREADY SUFFERED SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO EVER MOVE A FINGER EXCEPT TO BS ABOUT IT.

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ALL ABOUT "GOD IS ONE" AND "THERE IS NOTHING ELSE BUT GOD" - AND YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS BASED ON "JESUS IS THE ONLY VALID THING OUT THERE AND TO HELL WITH YOU IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THAT".

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE IS ACTIVELY RECRUITING PEOPLE TO STEP OUTSIDE OF BOX AND TO LIVE OUTSIDE OF BOX, WHOSE WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING FREE AND WAKING UP - AND YOU, WHOSE WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT KEEPING PEOPLE INSIDE THE BOX AND RECRUITING THEM TO STEP INTO IT.
WE WORK FOR DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSING BELIEFS. WE ARE ENEMY, SO TO SPEAK.
YOU ARE ABOUT LIVING IN A CAGE. I WORK FOR BEING FREE.

IT IS NOT CLEAR TO YOU YET WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO? I AM SOMEONE WHO ACTIVELY RECRUITS PEOPLE TO STEP OUT OF THE CAGE AND INTO THE WILD SIDE. MY WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT THAT. MY HEALING AND TEACHING WORK, EVERYTHING I DO. AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU AND I DID OR TALKED ABOUT TOO. HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED?

YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO LIVE INSIDE YOUR CAGE IS IN TOTAL OPPOSITION WITH WHAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS ALWAYS BASED ON. YOU CAME TO ME BECAUSE I AM A TRAINER FOR PEOPLE TO STEP OUT OF THEIR CAGES AND LIVE MORE FREELY. YOU WERE SENT TO ME FOR THAT. AND THAT'S WHAT WE DID. YOU TRYING TO PREACH TO ME AND BRING ME INTO YOUR BOX IS LIKE ... A THIEF COMING TO A PRIEST FOR SPIRITUAL SALVATION AND THEN TRYING TO GET HER INTO PARTICIPATING IN BANK ROBBERY.
ALTHOUGH YOU SAY THAT YOU WANT YOUR CAGE, AND YOUR ACTION SHOWS THAT, YOU HAVE ALSO TAKEN STEPS TO STEP OUTSIDE OF THE CAGE AND YOU HAVE TASTED SOME FREEDOM. YOU DO KEEP ON RUNNING BACK INTO YOUR CAGE AND YOU TRY TO BITE ME, THAT'S TRUE, AND ALSO, IT IS TRUE THAT **** YOU HAVE ASKED **** FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT AND YOU HAVE BEEN SHOWN.

THE ONLY WAY THIS WORKED SO FAR IS BECAUSE YOU INNATELY FEEL THAT OUTSIDE OF CAGE IS REAL AND GOOD FOR YOU, AND YOU TRIED IT A LITTLE, AND IT WORKS. YOU CAME OUT OF YOUR OWN VOLITION TO XYZ SCHOOL AND THAT IS YOUR OWN CHOICE TO MOVE OUTSIDE OF THE CAGE. VOLUNTARILY, YOU CHOSE THAT. YOU ALSO CHOSE ABC. THAT'S ANOTHER OUT OF CAGE CHOICE. AND YOU CHOSE ME, WHO TOTALLY STANDS FOR OUTSIDE OF CAGE, AND YOU HAVE STUCK TO IT BECAUSE OF SEXUAL ATTRACTION - AND ON MY SIDE TOO, THERE WAS SEX THAT GLUED US TOGETHER WHEN WE BOTH WANTED TO QUIT.

HOWEVER, YOU DO NOT REALIZE THAT NOW YOU ARE AT A POINT WHERE YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE CONSCIOUSLY AND STICK TO IT. YOU HAD ENOUGH DABBLING INTO IT AND TRYING IT OUT. YOU KNOW THAT IT WORKS. YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT YOUR OLD STUFF DOES NOT WORK. AND NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE.

AND - YOU CAN STAY STUCK AT THIS FORK IN THE ROAD FOR A VERY LONG TIME. BUT YOU CANNOT AVOID THE DECISION TO MOVE ON TOWARDS OUTSIDE OF THE CAGE AND INTO THE FREEDOM, BECAUSE YOU ALREADY STARTED TOWARDS THE WILD SIDE AND IT WILL PULL YOU. IT WILL HAPPEN, SOONER OR LATER. YOU ASKED FOR IT AND IT WILL HAPPEN.

IF YOU LOLLYGAG AND KEEP ON GOING BACK TO YOUR CAGE, YOU JUST WASTE TIME. IF YOU ARE LUCKY, SOMETHING WILL COME AND KICK YOUR ASS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

SO FAR, YOU NEVER WERE SO LUCKY, UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP AT TRACKER SCHOOL AND GRANDFATHER ASSIGNED ME AS YOUR COACH AND I HAVE KICKED YOUR ASS.
IF IT IS UNCLEAR TO YOU - ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE BEEN RECRUITED. ALL THIS TIME, SOMEONE WORKED VERY VERY HARD TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT BOX. NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO CARRY ON YOURSELF, ON YOUR OWN.

I AM IRRELEVANT IN THAT. IN SOME WAYS I COULD BE RELEVANT, IF INDEED WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MATES, THEN SEXUAL ATTRACTION WILL SERVE AS A GLUE TO MAKE US STICK TO WORKING IT OUT EVEN IF IT DOESN'T SEEM PLEASANT.

HOWEVER, THE ONLY WAY IT COULD WORK IS BY YOU AGREEING TO BE FREE AND LIVE IN ACCORDANCE WITH THAT. THEN THERE WOULD BE SOMETHING TO BASE A RELATIONSHIP ON.

RIHHT NOW, YOU ARE LIKE A DOMESTICATED FARM ANIMAL, LIKE A COW TIED TO A CHAIN WITH 1000 OTHER COWS, FED ANTIBIOTICS, EATING SOME STALE FOOD, AND LIVING IN SHIT. SURE YOU ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT AND YOU ARE UNDER A ROOF AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO JOIN YOU IN YOUR CORAL. NO THANKS.

GOD IS WAY MORE THAN JUST THAT. GOD IS SOMETHING INFINITE.
YES, THERE ARE MANY PATHS TO GOD. FISH SWIM TO GOD, BIRDS FLY, 4-LEGGEDS RUN, CRAWLERS CRAWL. EVERYONE GOES TO GOD IN THE WAY THEY CAN. EACH TEACHER, EACH RELIGION IS APPEALING TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. AND THEY ALL *** EVENTUALLY *** LEAD TO GOD. SOME ARE FASTER AND SOME ARE SLOWER PATHS. SOME ARE DEAD ENDS AND PEOPLE HAVE TO JUMP TO ANOTHER PATH IN ORDER TO KEEP ON TRAVELING. SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO BUSHWACK TO FIND THE PATH AGAIN. WE ARE ALL ON A BLIND DRUM STALK, GOING BACK INTO GOD, AND EVENTUALLY IT ALL HAS TO LEAD TO GOD.

YOU ARE ON A DEAD END PATH AND YOU HAD TO BUSHWACK A LITTLE TO FIND A BETTER PATH, AND YOU FOUND IT. SO NOW YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO YOUR OLD OVERGROWN AND DEADENDING TRAIL - WELL, GOOD LUCK.

IF YOU WANT JESUS, THEN YOU NEED TO SAY THAT THERE ARE SO MANY VALID PATHS BUT JESUS IS YOUR CHOICE, AND THEN YOU NEED TO FOLLOW THE REAL JESUS, THE ESOTERIC JESUS. THE LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF JESUS.
GURDJIEFF TEACHINGS ARE ALL ABOUT THAT. UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ABOUT PRAYER AND MEDITATION IN THE BOOKS WRITTEN BY EARLY STUDENTS, BUT IF YOU READ G'S BOOKS, IT IS ALL THERE, SPELLED OUT - WE ARE ALL HERE TO TAKE CARE OF GOD'S KINGDOM, AND THE WAY WE DO THAT IS BY INNER WORK AND TRYING TO BE CLEAR CHANNELS TO WHAT GOD REQUIRES OF US, AND BY KEEPING OURSELVES FREE OF NEGATIVITY AND BEING A POSITIVE INFLUENCE TO EVERYTING AROUND US.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE CARETAKERS. WHICH MEANS WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOVERS, PROTECTORS, HEALERS, HELPERS, DISCIPLINARIANS, MESSENGERS, ALL THAT.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO SPEND OUR LIFE IN SERVICE TO THE HIGHER, SERVICE TO ALL LIFE, SERVICE TO HIGHER PRINCIPLES, SERVICE TO GOD AND ALL THAT IS HIS CREATION, WHICH IS EVERYTHING.

WHICH MEANS WE ARE MEANT TO BE GIVING, WE ARE MEANT TO BE COMPASSIONATE, WE ARE MEANT TO BE LOVING.

LOVE MEANS LOVE AND DISCIPLINE. I LOVED YOU ON MONDAY WHEN I SELF CONTROLLED MY SELF AND LET YOU RUN WITH YOUR BALL SO THAT YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF. I LOVED YOU WHEN I GAVE YOU A CHOICE AND THE CONSEQUENCES. AND I LOVE BOTH OF US AND AM TELLING YOU OFF.

TO YOU, CONSEQUENCES ARE ABOUT LOSING A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOME CHICK. TO ME, CONSEQUENCES ARE ABOUT SOMEONE CHOOSING TO WORK FOR EVIL AND NOT FOR THE GOOD OF ALL. YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO STAY ON THE EVIL SIDE. IN THE ETERNAL BATTLE OF GOOD AND EVIL, YOU FORTIFY THE EVIL SIDE. THAT'S THE CONSEQUENCE OF YOUR CHOICE.

TO ME PERSONALLY, THE CONSEQUENCE OF LIVING WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT IS BEING FORCED INTO THAT HELL MYSELF. OUT OF LOVE FOR MYSELF, I REFUSE.
JUST LIKE I REFUSED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE HELL OF PARTIES AND WOMEN AND JELOUSY AND GAMES OF TEENAGE STAR. IN SOME WAYS, HIS ADDICTION TO STAYING ASLEEP IS MORE COMPATIBLE WITH WHAT I STAND FOR - ENJOYING LIFE, CELEBRATING GOD, BEING CLOSE TO EACH OTHER. YOU STAND FOR SUFFERING, DENIAL, STRIFE, BEING CLOSED OFF. BOTH OF YOU ARE ASLEEP AND VICIOUS, VIOLENT, AND HURTFUL, AND OUT OF LOVE FOR MYSELF, I STAY OUT OF ANY OF THAT AND I MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.

LOVE IS NOT SMOOCHEY, IT HAS DISCIPLINE. RIGHT NOW, OUT OF ULTIMATE COMPASSION FOR BOTH OF US, I AM SMACKING YOU IN THE FACE AND TELLING YOU OFF. YOU ARE RABID. GO AWAY WHERE YOU CAN HEAL.

YOU HAVE BEEN TRAINED ENOUGH AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT SO FAR. I HAVE HELPED YOU BY GIVING YOU TOO MUCH SLACK, SO YOU ARE STILL LAZY AND SPOILED AND EGOCENTRICAL.

PERHAPS IT IS TIME THAT YOU STOP PAMPERING YOURSELF AND STEP ON YOUR OWN WORK AND START WALKING TOWARDS BECOMING A MAN.

PERHAPS YOU ARE INTERESTED ENOUGH IN BECOMING SOMEONE WHO CAN STAND BEFORE GOD.

PERHAPS. I AM NOT STICKING AROUND TO WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS. I TAKE YOU AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE UNACCEPTABLE BIG LITTLE SHIT, SPOILED, VICIOUS, SELFISH, VIOLENT, AND FRIGID. WHO CARES FOR THAT. IF YOU CANNOT TREAT ME WELL, YOU ARE OUT.

AND YOU CANNOT TREAT ME WELL AT ALL, YOUR BELIEFS ARE SUCH THAT PREVENT YOU FROM MOVING ONE LITTLE FINGER TOWARDS TREATING ANYONE WELL.

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Monday, May 5, 2008

Love is necessary like food or air

I think a whole web page on relationships is in order. Relationships are very much related to our health, healing, and happiness.

Last month, my ex-boyfriend tried to come back, after 7 months of absence. In such cases, one needs to "show up with flowers" and he didn't. Needless to say, I just chased him away. He kept on coming back, without flowers, and I kept on shooing him away.

It lasted for 1.5 months. During that time, I was totally disoriented. Here is this person who is supposed to love me, and on some level he does, I can feel that; but he doesn't show it in practical life and in relating to me. So, he is out, as simple as that.

So, I was rather stuck. In retrospect, the understanding that we have here in Hawaii about relationships and relating is very much in aloha spirit, and we take it for granted. Compassion, consideration, forgiveness, kindness, harmony, etc. are all ingrained. My ex is a Minnesota church-going "stiff white male" ridden with certain guilt and stiffness, and lives in S. California, the land of greed, grabbing, and competiton. He is super responsible and hard working, but unaware of what makes aloha aloha. He is happy when it is there and suffers when it's not there, but is not aware of what makes it so.

When there is aloha, it feels good! When there is no aloha, there is no life! As simple as that.

We talked about it. Explaining aloha is rather easy, actually. Every competent self-help modality and spiritual literature spells out aloha. It is extremely simple: always be sincere, be kind, etc. We tried practicing it. It works. It is a wonderful sense of opening, being able to breathe again, connect with All Life. It has a refreshing effect on everything.

What we practiced is "marriage yoga", the highest form of yoga. Can I still be kind etc. when I am invested in wanting something - wanting the other person to "love me" and give me their attention in the way I want - can I still be kind and selfless?

This fear that prevents us from Connecting.

Am I willing to be willing to expose my ego to myself?

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The way to health is to be Open

There is someone whom my mom dubbed "teenage star" and rightfully so. Although the person is over 40, they hang out with 20 yr olds, do late teenage kinds of things like parties and concerts, and dress and behave as if they just that age when they are old enough to drive and go out at night and they DO!

So, anyways, I had a brief feeling that the teenage star was after me. It is very difficult to figure out when a teenager is after you, because they don't talk. They kinda hang around you, coming closer physically, but never talk to you. If I smile, they come closer. If I frown, they go away further. I suppose they are not really skilled in talking, and are very skilled in physical attraction.

Well, more mature people - like myself :) - I am not giving away my age though :) are into talking. That is what makes a relationship interesting and meaningful - sharing, talking things over, and growing together. Yes of course the physical is there too, but it's not THE most important thing. It is the spice in the soup, makes the dish tasty. The spiritual connection is the dish. That's the basis. The spices need the main dish, we cannot eat just the spices alone.... The dish has to be there first.

Talking is necessary because that is a way to share and grow. Especially when problems and issues arise. That's where "marriage is the hardest form of yoga". To hang in there and be honest and be gentle and communicate with another from the open heart is NOT exactly the easiest thing in the world, and yet, it is necessary. Our partners are there so that we can Work on ourselves.

Recently I was fortunate to be in a relationship like that and it was very nice. It builds trust and a very deep connection, and then it is extremely productive for self growth. The subjects we talked about and issues we have resolved made us grow and blossom very quickly. There was no fear of saying "I love you" and actually living that. That's a mature partner, an adult man. (well until it got to truly difficult questions :) and he bailed out in a jiffy. I am very good at asking difficult questions :)

A while ago there was a young male who ( misjudged my age - I look kinda young) and went after me, and that was educational. He was baiting me strictly on his physical attributes, and the only way to respond would be in kind. Well, what happens when that kind of flair is gone? Poooof! The whole relationship is gone. I'd say, it would last about .... a month or two? and that's it....

Then there are older people who are young inside and bait you silently but then it is too subtle and can be easily just ignored. If they don't talk to you, then .... of course they are not giving themselves away and wont' lose anything, but on the other hand, they won't gain even a friend or a positive experience of getting to know someone whom they liked.

And maybe they are afraid to risk and have the object of admiration make fun of them and reject them. I suppose most people will do that. I _try not to. It is humiliating, so I try to be very kind and extra respectful to those who are brave enough to state they like me. Maybe it doesn't look that way to those who are interested, though.

On the other hand, when they do become a friend, like it happened to me once, then they might have higher inspirations although it is not possible to carry it through. And then they might feel hurt at the end no matter what.

Hm, this is not easy.... The only way to proceed is with extreme respect and kindness. And a lot of forgiveness.

Where I see this at play in my practice is that this comes through bodies I work on. A person who is tight emotionally will have a tight body. The heart is closed so the chest is tight, the blood sugar levels are not working perfect, the adrenals are exausted, .... People who are really scared will have even worse problems, like drugs or drinking, etc..

Fortunately or unfortunately, the only way to truly be healthy is to be OPEN on all levels, to have integrity and courage, and to be genuinely ourselves.

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