Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Meditation is cool! or better yet, it is WARM :)

Something happens and there is a sense of peace and joy, and glowing inside. A little smile shows up. It is lovely.

No, it doesn't make the problems go away :) sorry :) they are still there and they are still bugging. And yet, there is a sense that in essence everything is ok and will be worked out, and a sense of deep GRATITUDE and Oneness for ... whatever - being alive, being a part of the One, ... A sense of awe, of appreciation, of Being Plugged In.

For those who are dubious:
There is a sense of trust - as long as I do my part and follow the trail, I will be led to whatever I need to be led to.


Sunday, June 22, 2008

negative pleasure

Sometimes I feel like an alien visiting Earth, because a lot that happens here is very strange to me. Of course I am just like anyone else, with all the negative emotions, being asleep, and so on, however somehow I am wired somewhat differently, I still Remember and try to Try, and that's the only reason I can be a healer :) A lot of effort is required to do Inner Work, to observe externally and internally.

So here I am, "freshly arrived to Earth" and noticing how life on Earth has a lot to do with suffering. It seems like any time things start moving towards being more conscious, there is something that will try to squish it and bring it back into the suffering state. No organizations love true creativity and self identity, because it means chaos in the "normal" sense of word. So, schools, families, churches, companies, etc. all try to keep enjoyment in check.

But then I realized that EACH human does it to themselves!!!! Everyone tries to complicate their life to the point where it gets all muddy and suffering. Amazing... Pleasure is a no-no. Clarity, simplicity, etc. are all *intentionally and actively* AVOIDED.
(Of course, it is easy to notice something like this when others do it. But how about me? I need to observe myself.)

Phoenicia Pathwork Lectures talk about "negative pleasure". Other spiritual teachings talk about it too. Basically, an unhealed human being takes pleasure in negativity. Gurdjieff calls it "enjoying touching the sore place in our mouth with our tongue."

Negativity is what we are used too... that's what we are trained in, by all the asleep adults that we grow up with. The bad habits just get passed on. Gurdjieff talks about that, and how for us to see ourselves and all our lies and negativity would make us stark mad => and only the process of self observation peels off all that, and it takes time...

Also, when we try to wake up our consciousness a little, all our old habits "wake up" too and try to bring us back into the negative state. Yogananda talks about that.

So what is the solution? Yogananda said:

"First, you need to understand the forces you have to contend with. Every action you perform - physically or mentally - leaves a trace on your mind. Yoga calls them samsaras - the habit-tendencies or predisposed moods created by the things you have already done, whether in this life or previous incarnation. Whenever you try to break out of the mold and accomplish something constructive or new, immediatelly your past wrong actions try to nullify your present good efforts. But if you keep on trying, and concentrating, that power of concentrated thought will obvert your past actions that are trying to keep you down."

The key is MEDITATION. That's concentration to connect with God. God is the only being that has the solution for our wholeness. Ask and ye shall receive.

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Movement Therapy

This weekend there was two classes by a famous West African dancer, Abdul Kamara (hopefully the spelling of his last name is correct). Anyways, he is a fabulous dancer, with a spine that ondulates and moves fluidly; his whole body moves in a way that is extremely elegant and graceful. It is a combination of flexibility, muscle strength, and grace. African dance is like that. It is healing.

The sound of drums is also quite hypnotic, and puts one into a different space, where we cannot "think" in an ordinary sense. In that space, we have to Think and be Aware and yet totally Surrender. The dance is such that it is possible to do it only when we Think with something Higher inside us, when we are totally Alert yet completely Relaxed. It just flows... being in the moment.

I had such experiences today, and it was amazing to fall into that groove. That groove is something that is our birthright. It is an active yet meditative state. The state in which everything is clear and every moment lasts an eternity. Have you experienced such states?

What I experienced today was that feeling of turning the control to the body for the things it knows how to do - it knows how to jump, move, turn, etc.. The mind just interferes when it tries to control the body. In our ordinary life, the mind interferes a lot. That's why we don't move our bodies properly and that's why we end up with pain.

Another thing I experienced today was operating without that control of that ego that always thinks, judges, calculates, etc. My mind was very active, yet quiet, allowing me to do all the acrobatics necessary for the dance and to enjoy it.
It felt like I was flying on the drum music, like a kite on the wind made by the notes. I could feel the drum music inside me and It was moving me. I didn't have to think - my body knew exactly how to move with that music. The Thinking that was happening was just to tell me: ok, now the coreography says we move left and turn twice. But it wasn't "thinking" in a regular sense. It was more like ... some inner coach that was very discreet and quiet and accurate. And then I felt the music and moved with it.

The feeling was of being inside my body. I know it sounds rather strange to think so highly of being inside one's body, but: when was the last time you were inside your body? It's not something that happens all the time! Most of the time, we are stuck in our head. So, being in my body today felt marvelous.

So, feeling inside my body, it felt like I was occupying an enourmous amount of space. What I noticed is that my world view shifted: instead of constantly monitoring my environment for external threat and danger, I was on the inside of my body and staying there. My attention was inside me and outside of me, not only outside. That is a subtle but important difference. I was PRESENT.

And since I was Present, everything felt different. The sense of space, sound, other people, etc. - everything became more enhanced, more vivid, and somehow closer yet the space became much much larger.

I was just dancing for the sheer joy of it. I didn't care what I looked, what other people thought, I just *d*a*n*c*e*d, moving my body and enjyoing the sense of freedom in my whole being.

It is very difficult to describe this - just go out and do it. Try dancing with the drums and totally relax into it, and you will find out what I mean.

Watch "The Visitor" movie to see what drums does to stiffness :)

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