Monday, March 23, 2009

One working mom to another one

Planning for your life after your first child is born is a natural thing
to do. But you don't know at all what your baby will be like, or what
you will be like after the birth.

Babies come with different temperaments and needs. You may end up with
an easy-going baby who sleeps a lot, nurses without trouble and doesn't
have colic. Or you could end up with a colicky baby who cries for the
first three months, doesn't eat enough and has chronic diaper rash. Or
you could end up with an infant who has a special need, like a sensory
disorder or even autism. You could have a premature baby who is in the
hospital for a month after being born. You just don't know. So my advice
is to think about plans, but stay flexible enough that if your baby
needs your total attention for some reason, that you are able to give it
to him or her.

Having your first child is also a life-changing experience for you, your
marriage and your household. I agree with another poster that taking
care of your child (especially your first where you're learning as you
go) is the hardest job you may ever do. Here's a simple fact: just after
birth, the typical baby will feed every 3 hours. If you're lucky and
your baby nurses easily and falls asleep afterwards, each feeding and
changing will take about an hour. So that's 8 hours a day, 7 days a week
right there, 56 hours a week with no breaks longer than 2 hours. Now add
arranging meals for your husband and you, laundry, shopping, your own
grooming (bathing, dressing, etc) and errands. Let's call that 10-15
hours a week. (And it all has to fit into those 2-hour periods when your
baby is sleeping, and you have to take the baby along when you're out of
the house). We're up to 66-71 hours a week, again with no breaks. This
period typically lasts for 6 weeks to 3 months. If you're lucky again
and your husband takes an overnight feeding with a bottle, you may be
getting as much as 5 hours of continuous sleep a night. That is a BIG
job for one person. Do you have local family, and are they willing to
help? (Or do you prefer your mother-in-law stays out of your way? :-))

Now think of any issues. Colicky baby - less sleep for you, much more
time spent trying to get the baby to fall asleep. Baby who nurses slowly
- each cycle may take 1.5 to 2 hours, leaving you only one hour out of
three to do anything else. Post-partum medical issues for you (like
recovering from a C-section, trouble with milk production, infections,
etc) - everything will take longer than in the optimistic case above.

After I had my son, I developed post-partum depression (which is not
uncommon). I was a stay-at-home mom, but I was forced to get help just
to survive. I was lucky to be able to hire a nanny who helped me 20
hours a week during my son's early life. But hiring a nanny when I was
exhausted from taking care of the baby and depressed to boot was one of
the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Another thing to consider is what your plans are for any more children.
Most women choose to have their children within a few years of each
other. If you plan to have another child in 2 or 3 years, would your
business be self-sustaining enough that you could take the time with
your second baby? What if you choose to have more than 2 children?

One last thing - I hope you realize that your mood is already being
affected by your hormones. This effect may get stronger as you approach
delivery. I found some tremendous energy while I was pregnant, where I
thought I could do anything! After delivery, there is a 4-6 week period
where your body returns (chemically) to its pre-pregnancy state, and
your mood may shift radically during this time. If you breastfeed your
baby, those hormones affect your mood too. Just keep this in mind as you
consider your decisions.

And congratulations on your pregnancy!

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

my mom on Hell and Cealo on enlightment

I mistakenly tried to go out with a fundamentalist "christian", the kind that believes in "Jesus only", "bible verbatim" and if you obey those rules, you are a child of God and you to Heaven, otherwise you are NOT a child of God and you go to Hell. So - he was assuredly on his way to Heaven, no matter how he lived his life now and today - he was "with the program" and his Heaven membership was assured. I, on the other hand, wasn't even a child of god and was destined to hell, according to him. Well, he said that even Dalai Lama, Buddha, and all saints and sages of all religions needed to get a savior in Jesus asap and be saved... because all of them were going to hell too. Wow!

My mom's comments:
don't worry about hell, honey, even Hell has been modernized. They quit heating with cauldrons with hot oil, not it's all central heating.

And please tell your darling: either we go to Heaven or to Hell, but we go together. It's not possible that you go to Heaven and I go to Hell.

So, indeed it is not possible. I had to ditch that bastard strutting his "christianity" and let him continue living in his own hell of trying to pretend going to some fake heaven. His arrogance towards others, attachment to feeling superior, self aggrandization in feeling "special", laziness in totally not trying to live his life NOW in an exemplary way, and this attachment to anticipating pleasure of Heaven and genuine fear for his ass about ending up in Hell and trying to act like a good boy on the surface - at others' people expense - all that was clearly just immaturity and selfishness, crazy garbage to be dropped asap. The guy was totally incapable of love, of opening, of truly feeling, of being honest, of being himself, of accepting others and appreciating EVERYTHING as an expression of God. Only his special clique was to be appreciated - and of course he couldn't even do that. To truly appreciate, one has to be sufficiently open and capable of feeling love, and this guy couldn't - he couldn't give any attention to anything, he coulnd't even pet my cat. That's what "christianity" is today - churchianity, creating zombies with brainwashed minds and as far from real Jesus and real Christianity as possible. It is 100% diametrically opposite of what real Christianity is.

My friend said with a very very sorry tone, looking at me with a note of pity: how did you do that, didn't you know? THose christians are so afraid of going to hell...

No I didn't know, I have never met a brainwashed being like that. Now I know. I should have trusted my instincts. There was something scary and evil oozing out of this guy, and that's exactly that - carrying mental knives on All Life, dividing Oneness into "my club" and "not my club" and trying to save his ass at all costs. It just made me feel queezy, it was just such an off tone.... Now I know why.

My mom scolded me for not giving up earlier. Sometimes it takes us a while to get wise... There is that song: the son of the preacher man. Those fake christians can talk sweetly and are very very deceiving, actually, I fell pray to that ass kissing and tried to talk about possibly getting together for two months. Finally it dawned on me that it is all in vein, the guy just cannot love and does not love me, not matter what he SAYS, because he ain't DOING what he is saying. Because his whole world view is based on something that keeps him closed off and insane. He simply cannot and never will love, period. Once that illusion of hoping to expreience love was shattered, it was very easy to quietly just drop him.

This is what Cealo said about it - he said it much better than I did - although I have no clue how I know this, I just KNOW:

Subject: November Fullmoon Message from His Holiness Gayuna Sundima Cealo
Date: Nov 12, 2008 3:19 PM

Being connected to each other…
Understanding each other…
Sharing dreams together…
Taking one's own right and true path…

Anyway, everyone has one's own way.
There are so many entrances to go in.
Comparison makes the state uncertain.
Each one has one's own pace.
It is alright, isn't it?

Sooner or later, we all reach to the same destination.
Just keep moving on your path and growing your self
as well as you can, smile at the different ones
when you see them at the peak.

Gayuna Sundima

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