Sunday, November 16, 2008

payoffs

A long time ago, I was an atheist and 'very normal'. I did believe in some kind of intelligent Universe but the idea of God to me was related to church only. Then I got sick and that led me to start exploring metaphysical stuff. Then I ran into Paramahansa Yogananda and Course in Miracles and started warming up to the idea of God as an Intelligent Being that runs the whole show and that is accessible by personal efforts. All that stuff was helping me, it was good. One day a miniature Jesus showed up to "wash my insides" and help me heal, and he was so infectiosly joyful and so good natured that I let him. And I was better from that. From then on, I started officially saying I believed in God.

And then I was basically some kind of new-agian :) Until I started searching for something more Real and by pure chance ran into Gourdjieff work. I didn't trust G work one bit, it was all new, but the G leader had "something-mischivious-around-his-nose" that only Those Who Know have, so I stuck around and asked zillions of questions and drilled and grilled the G leader, who patiently answered all my inquiries and challenges. And I was better from all that and finally made a decision to adopt G work into my life. And after only about 6 years, I am definitely better because of it, a completely different person. A lot more mature and happy.

The same with Paramahansa Yogananda - I really liked him but sat on the fence about adopting him as my guru. Until I had some major life changes to do, and he led me through all of it, and then I begun to trust him. My life has been so much better because of him.

And then we have our fundamentalist churchian example: he becomes Born Again when he is 20, his life becomes much better compared to what it was (because he was just doing street brawls up until then), he joins in and starts practicing, then he goes insane for about 3 years because he tries to sleep with his girlfriend unmarried and that's NO according to church - you go to hell for that! etc etc - so he marries, etc and he lives this "prim and proper" church life and his life takes a dive down for THIRTY YEARS. When I found him, he was bitterly divorced, hasn't been talking to his own children for at least 10 years, was doing some criminal stuff that should have gotten him into jail, lived as a hermit, all unkempt, and was basically violently insane. A very immature, selfish, low consciousness, crazy person. I nursed him back to health as a friend for some long time, and he got better - and yet - he still chose his church stuff.

I understand why someone would practice something that benefits them. But to practice something that clearly drags you down and kills you, that is a mystery. The church must be very very good at brainwashing and manipulation to be creating such zombies. While he is getting more and more dead inside, he is still happy because he believes he is going to heaven for sure, and that he is avoiding hell, which he is very very afraid off.

It's like a man who is so afraid of jumping into the cliff and so happy that one day someone will come to bring him the rope to take him accross, that he is not even noticing that a lion is eating him alive on the edge of that cliff while he is waiting.

He is under some kind of spell. Someone gave him drugs and he took it. He is in a dreamlike state, he cannot see anything except pictures in his own head, and he just smiles to something imaginary that only he can see.

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