Saturday, September 27, 2008

Relationships

One thing that is intriguing about life on Earth is that nobody wants to pay for what they want.

People claim they want happiness, love, satisfying and lasting relationships, abundance, and so on, but very few are willing to follow the spiritual laws to actually make that happen.

How is it possible to have something and not pay for it?

Like my churchian friend. His belief in being "special" and dissing other people based on their religous preferences is crippling emotionally and spiritually. He will never be able to love and have satisfying relationshiops, because his beliefs are nazi and it is just not possible to love from that belief system.

So yes, he will find someone and they will have a nazi relationship, and they will quarrel, and divorce and blame each other, eventually.

They will wonder why and what they did wrong to god so that he is punishing them.

But the reality is that we, the people, do really stupid stuff and then expect terrific results. It is just impossible.

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Relationships and marriage yoga

I told my mother that the "christian" guy who wanted to be my boyfriend quit in a jiffy when we started talking about our views of God, and he claimed that Jesus is THE ONLY way to God, and that Bible is totally correct and true verbatim, and that Jesus died for our sins, and that there is nothing we can do to further in life but pray.

I said that God loves equally Chritians and Buddhists and everyone else, that there are many paths depending on our own personal growth and inclinations, and we are free to pick the path that seems best to us. That we have to put in a lot of effort into our own Inner Growth, as well as prayer and meditation. And that some paths are shorter, some are longer, some are dead end, and this churchian path is definitely dead end. One has to start bushwacking out of that muck towards some real trail....

My mother, in one of her very clear moments of total and complete lucid humanity and compassion, said:

the real Jesus would be crying if he knew what this guy is doing.
Such intolerant, closed, icky beliefs are from dark ages and have no place in 21st century, with the Earth becoming one little village and everyone is our brother and sister, and we are all becoming a little more conscious and compassionate every day.

She also made some other comments about our own religion, serbian orthodox christianity, and said that we have been lucky because it is rather "loose", there are lots of choices and very little brainwashing, and there is no sense of guilt, fear, etc. . Whereas the western forms of christianity tend to be severe and very limiting, and work on guilt and fear. Yes, they are successful in terms of money and power, aren't they. It says a lot about people of the world.

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Monday, May 5, 2008

Love is necessary like food or air

I think a whole web page on relationships is in order. Relationships are very much related to our health, healing, and happiness.

Last month, my ex-boyfriend tried to come back, after 7 months of absence. In such cases, one needs to "show up with flowers" and he didn't. Needless to say, I just chased him away. He kept on coming back, without flowers, and I kept on shooing him away.

It lasted for 1.5 months. During that time, I was totally disoriented. Here is this person who is supposed to love me, and on some level he does, I can feel that; but he doesn't show it in practical life and in relating to me. So, he is out, as simple as that.

So, I was rather stuck. In retrospect, the understanding that we have here in Hawaii about relationships and relating is very much in aloha spirit, and we take it for granted. Compassion, consideration, forgiveness, kindness, harmony, etc. are all ingrained. My ex is a Minnesota church-going "stiff white male" ridden with certain guilt and stiffness, and lives in S. California, the land of greed, grabbing, and competiton. He is super responsible and hard working, but unaware of what makes aloha aloha. He is happy when it is there and suffers when it's not there, but is not aware of what makes it so.

When there is aloha, it feels good! When there is no aloha, there is no life! As simple as that.

We talked about it. Explaining aloha is rather easy, actually. Every competent self-help modality and spiritual literature spells out aloha. It is extremely simple: always be sincere, be kind, etc. We tried practicing it. It works. It is a wonderful sense of opening, being able to breathe again, connect with All Life. It has a refreshing effect on everything.

What we practiced is "marriage yoga", the highest form of yoga. Can I still be kind etc. when I am invested in wanting something - wanting the other person to "love me" and give me their attention in the way I want - can I still be kind and selfless?

This fear that prevents us from Connecting.

Am I willing to be willing to expose my ego to myself?

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

parents, relationships, health

Tonight I was watching the sunset on the beach when an older man walked by, with a teenage girl and a small girl in a tow. The man was probably their father or some kind of close relative, the way it felt. He was gray-haired and walked totally self-absorbed, looking down, definitely closed off and VERY remote, he never turned around or said anything to the girls, and the two girls just tagged at his back, with solemn, quiet, sulky faces. Teenage girl held the hand of the small girl, and they just walked, like in a procession.

The man did notice *me* and perked up. Sure - an attractive woman sitting on the beach. That would give HIM some attention and some amusement. But he wasn't giving any attention to the girls who walked behind him.

I saw them sit down further down the beach, again, the man sat looking at the ocean and never said a word or turned to his girls. As if they didn't exist!!!!! wow. But he did notice me, so obviously he was perfectly capable of noticing. Ah what a jerk... so little girls are not worthy of his attention, but an attractive woman is? I was going to give a different message to the girls. I was thinking: what to say? If I scold him, the girls might not like that. I need to somehow say hi to the girls and acknowledge them. It's kinda rough having a lomi therapist on the beach .... :) We tend to think about healing all the time. God only Knows for sure. We just do what we are asked to. I was asked to send some message to the girls and tell them that they exist and are worthy of attention.

On the way back, at least the small girl was happy and chattering and even had a flower in her hair, but she still didn't run or play although she was cheerfully talking about running. When they were passing by, I smiled and said to her: let's see how fast you can run!!! And she just LOOKED at me with total surprise. The teenage girl forced herself to keep on looking at the sand. The man didn't even hear me, he was already far in the front.

When the little girl turned to me in surprise, I saw her face - pale face with big black bags under her eyes. Not the rosy complexion of smiley, happy, healthy, robust little girl.
The teenage girl also looked pale and sad, and had a feeling about her of ... being fed up, quietly.

So, you want healthy kids? You want to be healthy? GIVE THEM ATTENTION. Give quality attention to yourself. Treat yourself well. Take yourself for the hand and a walk on the beach, and talk to yourself nicely. Run on the sand. Touch the Ocean. Love. Connect. Have fun.

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The way to health is to be Open

There is someone whom my mom dubbed "teenage star" and rightfully so. Although the person is over 40, they hang out with 20 yr olds, do late teenage kinds of things like parties and concerts, and dress and behave as if they just that age when they are old enough to drive and go out at night and they DO!

So, anyways, I had a brief feeling that the teenage star was after me. It is very difficult to figure out when a teenager is after you, because they don't talk. They kinda hang around you, coming closer physically, but never talk to you. If I smile, they come closer. If I frown, they go away further. I suppose they are not really skilled in talking, and are very skilled in physical attraction.

Well, more mature people - like myself :) - I am not giving away my age though :) are into talking. That is what makes a relationship interesting and meaningful - sharing, talking things over, and growing together. Yes of course the physical is there too, but it's not THE most important thing. It is the spice in the soup, makes the dish tasty. The spiritual connection is the dish. That's the basis. The spices need the main dish, we cannot eat just the spices alone.... The dish has to be there first.

Talking is necessary because that is a way to share and grow. Especially when problems and issues arise. That's where "marriage is the hardest form of yoga". To hang in there and be honest and be gentle and communicate with another from the open heart is NOT exactly the easiest thing in the world, and yet, it is necessary. Our partners are there so that we can Work on ourselves.

Recently I was fortunate to be in a relationship like that and it was very nice. It builds trust and a very deep connection, and then it is extremely productive for self growth. The subjects we talked about and issues we have resolved made us grow and blossom very quickly. There was no fear of saying "I love you" and actually living that. That's a mature partner, an adult man. (well until it got to truly difficult questions :) and he bailed out in a jiffy. I am very good at asking difficult questions :)

A while ago there was a young male who ( misjudged my age - I look kinda young) and went after me, and that was educational. He was baiting me strictly on his physical attributes, and the only way to respond would be in kind. Well, what happens when that kind of flair is gone? Poooof! The whole relationship is gone. I'd say, it would last about .... a month or two? and that's it....

Then there are older people who are young inside and bait you silently but then it is too subtle and can be easily just ignored. If they don't talk to you, then .... of course they are not giving themselves away and wont' lose anything, but on the other hand, they won't gain even a friend or a positive experience of getting to know someone whom they liked.

And maybe they are afraid to risk and have the object of admiration make fun of them and reject them. I suppose most people will do that. I _try not to. It is humiliating, so I try to be very kind and extra respectful to those who are brave enough to state they like me. Maybe it doesn't look that way to those who are interested, though.

On the other hand, when they do become a friend, like it happened to me once, then they might have higher inspirations although it is not possible to carry it through. And then they might feel hurt at the end no matter what.

Hm, this is not easy.... The only way to proceed is with extreme respect and kindness. And a lot of forgiveness.

Where I see this at play in my practice is that this comes through bodies I work on. A person who is tight emotionally will have a tight body. The heart is closed so the chest is tight, the blood sugar levels are not working perfect, the adrenals are exausted, .... People who are really scared will have even worse problems, like drugs or drinking, etc..

Fortunately or unfortunately, the only way to truly be healthy is to be OPEN on all levels, to have integrity and courage, and to be genuinely ourselves.

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