Friday, July 31, 2009

enlightment in Wallmart

I ate before the drum class in Honolulu, which is great (and unusual - usually I am hungry and rushing home). This time I was fine so I went shopping on the way home. There are so many little thing I need but never have time - translated: I never have desire - to shop. I dislike shopping and stores and all that hoola boola. It is tiring and noisy and stressful.
Shopping is unavoidable at some point, unfortunately. My water filter started blinking red and needed to be replaced.

Some things I need to keep my life organized, some things I need to keep things working, some things break and need to be replaced, some things I need for convenience. Like, I need to replace water filter because it is more than 2 months already, a nut for the massage table because the old nut fell out, a calendar for the next academic year, bathroom and work room bulbs burned so I needed bulbs (and one had to be a special small bulb), my old tarp completely fell apart, it would be nice to have a covering for my closet because it doesn't have a door and all clothes are exposed, ....

So a lot of shopping items have been on the agenda for a long time but I never get organized to actually shop for them, and/or I do look for them but never find it. I am a master shopper and I always look for deals. My clothes collection is admirable - for very little money. So I always look for items, like glass containers with lids, 2$ tops for dancing, etc. If I find it, fine, if not, life goes on. Like a small iron skillet - I have been looking for one for years now and somehow always miss it. So I am stuck scrubbing enamel pots which are completely not designed for making scrambled eggs. Then I have dirty burned dishes in my sink... And keep on looking for an iron skilled without luck. This is an island, when a shipment comes, it sells out... and a new shipment comes who knows when. I shop so seldom so I always somehow miss the shipment. Some things I kinda give up - like the door covering. It was just a big job, I tried so many things and it never worked so I stopped looking for a solution. I just wasn't inspired.

But on Wednesday, I was feeling happy and rested, and ready to tackle some organizing. It didn't matter that I was dressed in a bathing suit top and a sarong, because that's what I wear around. It didn't occur to me that it was something unusual. I didn't plan to go shopping. It just fell like it after the class. And I know why - I was just full of life and full of energy and I didn't want to go to an empty house. Plus, I HAD TO get that water filter and the only way is to buy it in Honolulu, so shopping was unavoidable at some point. So, at about 8pm, I set off.

First I stopped at Office Max, no CD holder, no filters, but I got a calendar and a notebook for the class next week.
Then I stopped at Wallmart to get a CD holder and filter. No CD holder. But: I found small iron skillet; a brown cheap tarp; natural light bulbs; refills for my mop; some really cool music CDs which I actually don't need :) but bought anyways :) I found the CDs as I was trying if the plastic boxes can hold the CDs.

It was late already. The store was getting empty and clerks were filling the shelves. Everyone was looking at my sarong. Most workers were locals and it was very amazing to see me with a sarong on the buying side, and them, the same kind, on the cheap labor side. Some men made comments at me. Teenagers looked me over. I just ran from them. And I kept on looking around the store for the items I needed, because I know I will be back at that store many months from now (the last time I shopped was in January!), so better use the chance.

I looked at my basket, and it had the ordinary life items. I looked at the people around me. I looked at the items for sale, very complicated things that make life a lot complicated. I didn't need any of that. I needed an iron skillet, some light bulbs, a bucket, mop refill, etc. Simple things.

Somehow something CLICKED in my head and the picture emerged - how my life is. My life is simple. What was in my basket was simple. I was quite free of all that stuff in the store (well not totally free yet but definitely quite cured from what I used to be, a shopper trying everything new).
My life now is simple. I actually have the time to live my life! All the items in my basket were simple essentials. They showed a functional simple life. All the drama and disfunctionality of my childhood was gone. I was free, naked, living, NOW.

I don't know what happened when I looked at the items in my basket except that somehow I got a message: THIS IS MY LIFE. I AM LIVING MY LIFE. Somehow something happened where it became crystal clear to me that I was living my life and that that was it. That I was caring for myself, that I was living, and that the juice was on. This was my life and I was living it. And there was self care, there was simplicity, there was time, and there was also need to get married and have a family. I was ready.

It is very very difficult to put into the words what I received. Somehow it made me really appreciate my life and realize that I was already taking care of me and needed to take even better care of me. It hit me that I needed to move my bed into a different direction. That I needed to put that closet door covering and make my bedroom into something nicer and more liveable and suitable. That I needed to work a little harder on finding a life partner and husband.

So I bought some curtains for the closet door. I bought several and got ready to return what doesn't fit.

I then went into clothes, and looked for massage outfits, and didn't find anything. By that time, I had a feeling that I was pushing it and needed to quit asap. Rightfully so - it was already 2:30am :) and I already have tons of clothing. So I paid and left.

As soon as I got home, I changed the bed and tried the curtains.

A very subtle and profound healing, right there in the mid of Wallmart. You never know!!!! God catches us when we least expect it. A GOd can send a teaching via a Wallmart basket. Wow. Tricky clever mischiefy God he is.

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